Leaving 15 year old at home

[yetanotherdaytoday]

Is a sensible 15 year old too young to be at home alone for a night, as a one off?

DH has to take MIL to hospital 300 miles away and I need to be at work in the next town, to run an event, on a day with train strikes. My youngest can go to her friends but I don't have anywhere to send my DS.

DS is suggesting I leave him at home. I'm tempted. I was up to all sorts at his age, he's a good kid and very very sensible in comparison!

I don't drive and therefore wouldn't make it back till breakfast.

If it was a normal day at work I'd just take the day off, but the event can't run without me.

Is it madness to consider this? I'm not sure what else to do. My couple of friends who I could usually call on for favours just can't help that day.

WWYD?

No.
its a stupid suggestion. If someone tried to show me that 'information' as leverage for anything I'd think they were an idiot.
The point I was making is that 15 year olds, in general, can be left alone at night regardless of what the NSPCC might think about it. Presenting some charity guidance as if it's fact or law is foolish.

My mum used to go on holiday for 1-2 weeks and leave me at 15! He’ll be fine, don’t over think it. His 15!!

I’m not sure why you aren’t responding to the sensible suggestion made by numerous pp that you ask your employer to cover the cost.

They are asking you to undertake a work related task in a venue that isn’t the office, on a day that there are train strikes. They are obliged to cover your travel expenses. If those expenses are higher due to the train strike, that is still their duty. If they kick up a fuss, point out that you are offering to go the day before and stay with a friend so they don’t have to cover the taxi both ways. So you are already reducing the cost to them.

And don’t offer to pay half of the taxi fare. Work shouldn’t leave you out of pocket!

I would leave him for 1 night. The 1st time I left my son overnight he was 15 (and a half) and I went into hospital to be induced to have his sister. I set him up with money for takeaways, a house full of snacks and drinks, and told him he must answer the phone at all times. Expected to be away a few nights but as it happens, I was home by 8am the next day and he had successfully got himself up, ready and off to school on time. He's 17 now and has been left for periods of up to a week (when we've taken the younger ones to the caravan and he was too cool to come)! He's moving out to go to uni next year so at least it's a life skill he's learnt.

Not read all the replies so sorry if its already been suggested, but could he come to your friends and stay too and you both get the train/bus back early enough for him to get to school?

What? You think an adult shouldn't be allowed to go to the pub and leave their 15 y/o at home? Am I reading that right?

@CandyLeBonBon if they are going to get fully pissed and be useless the rest of the weekend no, no really. I wouldn't think is correct. If they go for a few hours to have a meal and enjoy a couple of drinks or not even drinking I don't see the problem. I wouldn't cal that going to the pub, I would call it going for a meal.
But yes, fully pissed people over the weekend is a very no no for me.
You will be surprised how many people do it.

I didn't say it was fact or law.

It's a more reliable source than your opinion, based on?

It is also cited on the official government website.

I'd have said 8 and 10 for those time periods! Two hours after school every day is pretty common for 11 year olds.

No.

1. the whole reason op is getting the train the night before and staying two nights at her friend’s is because of the train strike
2. the op has said she can’t get back early enough for breakfast the next day
3. it is mid week so the son would miss 1.5 days of school

100% would, would likely leave mine earlier 14-15 with nice neighbours, very sensible etc

Seriously, a 16 year old can get married. So are you saying at 15 years 364 days old they can't be left when the next day in theory they could get married ? They are not babies.

The man from Camhs said "it happens a lot" at the time and gave the impression that he encounters this kind of thing all the time. Tbh I think if 12 year olds trying to kill themselves happens a lot then we have serious problems.

Indoor camera to check up on a teenager is a bit wrong surely?

Can you take him with you: he can have a night of room service and movies in a nice hotel with you?
I'd say yes normally but not having anyone to turn to in an emergency when you can't get back to him reasonably fast is the big no for me.

Of course a CAMHS worker encounters that all the time. Because he works with teenagers with mental illness. Most teenagers are not at risk of self harm or worse if left alone for a few hours or a night. Again, I'm sorry you all went through that but it really doesn't apply to most situations.

Where did you read mum is staying in a hotel?
Do you think school will give permission to be absent from school?
He has good neighbours to turn to in an emergency.

He’s 15 not 5

@yetanotherdaytoday

Does your 15-yr-old son play with matches & petrol?
Does he light firecrackers & throw them down the loo?
Does he egg the neighbors’ houses?
Does he throw wild, drug & alcohol-fueled sex parties when you aren’t at home?
Does he tend to wander the neighborhood unclothed when he’s unsupervised?
Does he torment the neighbors with obscenities?

If you can safely answer ”no” to all the above, you’re probably fine to leave him at home for one brief, 12-hour period.

Was that during the pandemic? A lot of young people struggled more than we all realised. Not surprising that you don’t leave ds alone. I hope he is recovering well.

Yes, during the 2021 lockdown. It was hard as only one parent was able to be there with him while he was in hospital and dh had to do it because I can't drive for medical reasons and I could never have carried him either. Normally dh would have taken him in to a and e and then we would have swapped when he got moved to hdu but that wasn't allowed. Although the government was saying that people who were really ill in hospital could have more visitors ds2 wasn't considered ill enough for that, despite being in hdu, on various monitors and on oxygen. He is a lot better now than he was, thankyou for asking.

@elliejjtiny that must have been so so hard to deal with. Glad he's doing better now.

The lockdowns were so hard on kids. My then 8yo got to a point of not eating, shuffling food round the plate. I ended up buying him an Xbox so he could play and chat to his pals. 8yos are useless on the phone and had nothing to take about. I count my blessings that we were in a position to actually afford to do that on a whim.

If he’s happy to do it then he will be absolutely fine. 15 year olds are mature enough. As you say, he’ll just be on his computer all night and will love it.

This infantilising of teenagers needs to stop. It’s no wonder they are useless and can’t cope when they get a job or go to uni.

I would say 15 is absolutely fine if they’re sensible. You can put things in place such as rules like no cooking, no answering the door etc and regular check ins with you so you know he’s ok and let neighbours know so he can go there in an emergency. If they are sensible at 15 then one night would be fine for me :-)

The NSPCC are batsh1t crazy though. It’s an arbitrary number that someone has plucked out of thin air. There’s no science behind it and needs to be taken with a large pinch of salt.

No cooking?

Another back in my day post but I could cook a full roast dinner from 11 and got dinner started for the family every evening from when I started secondary school. At 15 I could cook lunch and dinner for me and my sister during the school holidays.
I went to uni with only one other person could cook the other 4 where terrified of the oven/stove having been told terrible things would happen if they went near the fire. One of these ended up in a and e during the first week with severe food poisoning and another was so afraid of food poisoning he only ever ate burnt chicken in the three years I lived with them.

If you don't trust your 15 yr old with basic cooking - pasta with jar sauce or beans on toast don't ban them from cooking teach them how to feed themselves safely. The joy and skills of cooking come as my most important for people to learn.