Leaving 15 year old at home

[yetanotherdaytoday]

Is a sensible 15 year old too young to be at home alone for a night, as a one off?

DH has to take MIL to hospital 300 miles away and I need to be at work in the next town, to run an event, on a day with train strikes. My youngest can go to her friends but I don't have anywhere to send my DS.

DS is suggesting I leave him at home. I'm tempted. I was up to all sorts at his age, he's a good kid and very very sensible in comparison!

I don't drive and therefore wouldn't make it back till breakfast.

If it was a normal day at work I'd just take the day off, but the event can't run without me.

Is it madness to consider this? I'm not sure what else to do. My couple of friends who I could usually call on for favours just can't help that day.

WWYD?

lol it’s not a back in my day post at all! I’m only in my 30’s. It was just more of a suggestion as OP is obviously nervous about leaving the young person so I was just kindly suggesting some things that might help alleviate some of her anxiety. My teen has also been able to cook a full dinner since he was younger but if I was away, not having to worry about him leaving the hob on or something like that would just be one less worry. Was only a suggestion 👍🏻

No worries! Also in my 30s. I was truly horrified when I saw the lack of cooking skills when I went to uni. The girl that ended up in a and e had premade meals (from her mum) to heat up in the microwave including this line in the how to reheat it "put finger in the middle to see if it is hot". 😳

I agree that some are shocking! At 17 my teen can cook what he wants when home alone but I still ask him not to cook with oil when I’m not home 🙈 he isn’t particularly sensible though!

I'd leave him. Sounds like he'll just game all night anyway - if he hasn't got a friend that he can stay the night with I doubt he'll be having a party.

I'm amazed this is a question. He's 15. In less than a year he can join the army. Until very recently, he could have got married. In a few months he could legally consent to medical treatment, have sex, or fully move out. How many of us at this age had jobs, babysat, and got public transport to different places? Of course he can cope with one night alone. What emergency, that could be solved if there was an adult at home, could he not solve in the exact same way?

He will not thank you for dragging him off with you and you will get no benefit from sleeping at home and rushing back to the event the next morning.

Having an 'empty' as a 15 year old is the business! Of course they are keen to an empty house.
I left mine at similar age - they are sensible, they could cook, they had a phone etc. There was a VERY strict 'no visitors, not a single one' rule.
I did return to chaos in the house as their competency did not extend to cleaning it seems.

As you say it is you.

He's 15, not 5. Unless he has some kind of additional needs that you are concerned about or if you've bought him up to be one of those teenagers who has absolutely everything done for them and doesn't know how to do the most basic of tasks like cooking a simple meal and locking up the house, then I don't see the issue. Especially as you say he has good neighbours either side in case of an emergency. He sounds like a good kid and would probably just be gaming all night - not much different than leaving him of an evening which you said you have done before.

Go and enjoy your work event and night away! Everything will be fine!

I've left my 15 year old (sensible kid)alone for the night before.
She knows what to do in an emergency and quite enjoys the feeling of independence

I can't believe how many parents on here treat 15 year olds like babies, what on earth is wrong with you all? You are going to send your young adults out into the world of work or further education woefully under pre-paired for adulthood. Maybe it is not such a surprise that so many of youngsters suffer with anxiety, they are in a world where they haven't got a clue because mummy and daddy keep them as toddlers.
In a few short years your children will be adults and if they can't cook, plan a journey, talk on a phone, understand life isn't fair, that the world doesn't revolve around them or even manage to wipe their own backsides it will be you the parent that have failed them.

Your going to a work event, if they need you there to run it they need to cover the cost of your travel home. If that's a taxi then so be it.

if they need you there to run it they need to cover the cost of your travel home. If that's a taxi then so be it.

Be very lucky to get a taxi, I should think. They were probably all booked up as soon as the strike days were announced.

I agree about the current infantilisation of teenagers and young adults. As a pp said, it's not surprising there's so much anxiety among young people, when their own parents are teaching them that such every day activities as cooking a meal, being at home alone, using public transport, going out after dark, are things to be scared of.

It's not that long ago that 14-15 year olds were out at work full time and having to cope in the adult world.

He is 15 and it will do him good to spend one independent night alone in the house.
He eill be responsible for locking the fours, getting himself to bed and up in the morning.
He is 15 Fgs and it’s only one night.

Totally agree...he's old enough to be left alone if you think he's sensible

I was home alone for 2 weeks when I was 16 lol 😆 how bad is that! Did have family near by and friends staying over.. but home alone vibes none the less 🫣 have you got a family member be could stay with? X

I think if you have good neighbours who he knows he could call on in an emergency (and if you let them know), I probably would. You could be in contact by phone too. That being said, I would be very anxious and probably wouldn't sleep!

As long as they would help in an emergency eg burst pipe, then I’d leave him.

I’m away with work next week for 1 night and been debating it. DD is 15, 16 in 3 months and I have 16 as the age id leave her for a night. DS was 16, actually 2 days before he turned 16, he was home alone 2 nights when DD was admitted to hospital as an emergency. He was also very sensible, as is DD. I have a ring, and a dog. But part of me thinks I’ll just travel there and back same day (8hrs travel in total, done it before a few times in 1 day). She could go to her dad’s, but since he moved in a stranger and her teen child (stranger to her) she’s not happy staying there anymore so I’d rather either come back same day or leave her home alone rather than send her. I think it’s fine really 1 night, just talk him through the what if’s in emergencies - smoke alarm, someone knocking on the door etc

Could you get a bus or coach back?

At 14 I was babysitting a 7 year old cousin for 5 days at a time, getting them to and from school and preparing all our meals. My dad was about 5 minutes away, but looking after my younger siblings so couldn’t help with the cousin. I was a sensible teen who had been being left overnight from 13, and babysitting for family from 11.

Only you know your son, if you think he’s ready and would be confident enough to ask for help/support if necessary then he’ll be fine.

Teens are far more capable than we give them credit for.

I would say its fine as long as the are mentally competent and you are or a responsible adult is contactable.

I left home at 16, I knew a girl who had a child and her own place by 17 so it would be insane to think that a year younger is too young to cope.

Yes absolutely. As long as he is ok about it,can call a neighbour/ friend with any concerns then that’s fine .
I definitely left my children on the odd occasion overnight…bit messy when I got home but otherwise all ok.

If he is definitely ok with it and not being encouraged to go along with it then I think it's fine. Things have changed so much now but this sort of thing was the norm when we were young. I don't know what has brought about the change but we did just fine. I wasn't ready until a bit older as I'd get scared. I did go on holiday with friends at 15 and abroad without any adults at 16. Just make sure he's got his phone charged! 🙂

15 is perfectly acceptable if they are a normal cognitive functioning person. You can babysit othe people's young children at 14, get married at 16.

I think you know your own child. With my eldest, I could and would have left him at 15 overnight, however when my youngest was 15, not a chance in hell would I have left him, lol 😆

Sometimes there are local volunteer drivers for taking people to hosp, or hosp transport/taxi paid for by her.
It doesn't mean yoyr DH is abandoning her, he can visit after the op, or next day whatever. Or could a friend of your MIL take her in perhaps?