Funny things your toddler has said

[Mumtobabyhavoc]

I thought it would be fun to share those little gems here.
Mine recently rubbed my pregnant belly and said, "Baby!" Then, without missing a beat touched my boob and exclaimed, "Booby!" 😵‍💫
And: while I was using the toilet came over to me, patted my leg and said, "Good job!" 👏

Got any to share? 😊

Me to daddy - put moisturizer on him after shower.
Dad - I don’t put moisturizer
4YO- if you don’t put moisturizer on kids you are not a good daddy. (Emphasis on kids)
Dad- I don’t put any moisturizers on any kids.
4YO (our one and only) - do you have more kids daddy? (Absolutely shocked) who are your kids daddy? Where are your kids daddy?

🫆🕵️

Was there a stuttering denial? 😂

I had to take DS into a public loo with me when we were out.

DS (looking at me sat on the loo): mummy, that’s a really big bum on that.
(comes round the side of the toilet to look at my bum closer)
Mummy that’s a really really really really really really really big bum on that.

More recently DS informed me he didn’t want to wipe his own bum until he was a grown up.

@NameChangedForThis2025
Thank you for sharing those!
Did you die a bit at the bum comment? 😭

My dc recently asked me why my vagina was red. 😵‍💫😳

Whaaaat?

Just now -
me - you have to go for wee before bed
4Yo - full on drama and tears - he doesn’t want to
10 mins drama later I help him while tears are still flowing , he sits on the toilet, fully aware that he needs a wee
me - see I told you
4YO - trying to hide his bottom with his hands . You can’t hear it.
me (fully aware standing next to him and hearing it) - ssssss no I can’t.

My 4 y/o also protests, sometimes with tears, when asked to go use the toilet. 🤷‍♀️
What's up with that????

I heard water running and a crash in the bathroom. My 2 year old came running to me, hugged me and said, Love you mummy. Love you.

😵‍💫

My 3yo fell down the stairs the other day (he’s fine luckily) and when I asked how, he told me Batman and spiderman (his action figures) pushed him 🙈
In doing this he hurt his thumb, which he refers to as his mini finger 😂

Awwww. 🥲

😍My youngest went through a phase of calling his fingers "hand toes"

Not sure you could class it as something he said, but trying to put my 10 month old to bed and he's rolling around, chattering, showing no signs of sleeping. Did a big fart and then immediately fell asleep, literally eyes closed as soon as the fart ended 😂

A few from my two and half year old:
When my husband declared he needed to get in shape my dd said “I’m going to be a twinkle star” and spread out her arms and legs in a star shape.
At lunch time she was insisting she wanted “wrapping paper” for lunch, we asked her to show us what she wanted and of course it was a tortilla wrap, but she absolutely wanted wrapping paper not a wrap!
Also when out for a walk a few days ago, “look Mummy the lady has the same shoes as daddy” she repeated it about ten times while I was trying to drag her out of the ladies personal space.

Havoc: Mummy, have you ever seen a tree with sausages?
Me: What? 😂 Sausages don't grow on trees, Baby.
Havoc: Well, sometimes they lay little sausages down and then they grow into a sausage tree. And everybody will be so happy picking sausages for their dinner for hot dogs.

Me, to children: you two are a pain in my bottom.

Ds1: no mummy, me and Ds2 really love your bottom 🥰

Thanks for your shares @Morecoffeethanks and @HedwigHedgepig 💛😊

"I did a fart in my hand. It was a good one."

Okay...thanks for sharing? 😂

I was having a tender moment with my 4 year old talking about feelings. My dc was telling me about something that made them sad recently.
I asked, And how do you feel now, darling?
Well, mummy, right now my bum is itchy and I think there might be some poo left. Can you wipe it for me?
🤦‍♀️

My youngest dc age 2 was looking at me, obviously really thinking, then said: Mummy, you're not a dinosaur!

Did dc think I was until that point? 😵‍💫

I'm just overhearing Havoc talking with my mum:
Grandma, do you know what viomation is?
It makes your bed hard and squishy at the same time so it's very comfortable. My bed has lots of viomation.

Havoc to Baby: solar panels on houses reflect the sun so the house doesn't melt. 😵‍💫

We have an elderly neighbour who's naked in his garden a fair bit. Yes, I know that's a whole seperate thing.

Anyway. Years back we nicknamed him Todgy McBollockson. Must have mentioned it in front of the kids accidently as my toddler last week declared "HI TODGY" when she saw him.

Died on the spot.

I have a a very old fridge magnet on the fridge. Baby, 2, brought it to me and asked: Mummy, is that you?
This is the same dc that seemed to come to the realization that I am not, in fact, a dinosaur a few days ago.
😵‍💫

Nearly two and a half year old DGD informed me whilst we were playing in the ball pit at soft play in a very loud voice “Nana that lady is frustrated”! Luckily the lady in question found it hilarious.

DGD was playing with Grandad in the living room and ran out into the hall. Ten seconds later she ran back in, pointed at Grandad and shouted “stay there - be right back” and shot off at speed!

🤣🤣🤣

Bedtime thoughts

5YO: mummy , why did you choose to marry daddy?

Also 5YO: why did you want me as a human, I wanted to be a dog or a cat.