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Original poster

Mum rude about gifts for four year old…

419 replies

Okaaaay · 12/10/2023 22:31

I’ll caveat by saying I don’t like buying kids tatt and have been known to put funky socks in a party bag (along with sweets and other stuff). So maybe I’m getting this very wrong…

My DC was invited to a four year old girl’s party at a soft play. I gifted a Rachel Elin tin (bright, pink girly colours with my treasures or something written on it) and a kids rainbow Joules drawstring gym bag. My other DC would have loved this sort of thing when they were 4.

The recipient's Mum came up to me at nursery this aft and said ‘thanks for the gifts for xxx, they were a bit ‘out there’ (with hand gesture) for her but we’ll make use’. I was so stunned I just nodded and smiled.

So clearly, she was rude, but were my gifts super weird?

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PierceMorgansChin · 13/10/2023 09:39

OP was the mum foreign? I'm a foreigner myself, have been in this country nearly 20 years now, but remember first couple of years when I was struggling with language I would often come across as rude/ blunt and abrupt. I'm only guessing and trying to give that mum a benefit of a doubt. I wrote earlier your presents were beautiful and my 9 year old would love them haha, she's just lost another PE bag and she loves unicorns and 🌈

StrictlyComeback · 13/10/2023 10:18

My dc got all kinds of different gifts from parties. One of the good things is people give things you wouldn’t think of. Some are hits others not so much. The only thing anyone should say about a party gift is thank you.

Shufflebumnessie · 13/10/2023 10:33

The tin alone would have been lovely (or perhaps with a pair of the fluffy socks you mentioned in it). My DD6 would have been thrilled and it would have been full of special things before bed time.
The mum was extremely rude.

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StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 10:41

INeedAnotherName · 13/10/2023 01:23

The tin is lovely, the bag isn't (dull colours on a bleh item). Sorry Sad

My mum always did stuff like this and all the grandkids would get extra excited at Christmas/birthdays wondering what weird stuff she had got them. But they knew her foibles and loved her. In other words keep the "weirdness" to family and close friends but err on the side of less weird with your children's schoolfriends who are actually strangers to you.

goes off to wonder if a 50+ woman would look weird owning that tin

Strange post. There's nothing weird about those gifts.

hoop47 · 13/10/2023 10:50

I don't suppose the 'birthday girl' could have been in fact a 'birthday boy' ??? 😳 ...That's the only reason I can think of for the mums "out there" comments....😬

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 10:51

hoop47 · 13/10/2023 10:50

I don't suppose the 'birthday girl' could have been in fact a 'birthday boy' ??? 😳 ...That's the only reason I can think of for the mums "out there" comments....😬

Would anyone give a tin with "Princess" on it to a boy?

hoop47 · 13/10/2023 10:53

Exactly 🤔

Cockmigrant · 13/10/2023 10:54

Rude and weird!
I can't see how they are "out there". Perfectly normal gifts for a four year old.

TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 13/10/2023 10:56

They are lovely presents and generous. My own DD was anti princess and unicorn and would have refused them at age 4, she was into ninja turtles at that age🤔. My solution would have been to regift. And I would have thanked you for the gift.

SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 13/10/2023 11:18

PrueLeith · 12/10/2023 23:10

I would have thanked you very graciously but I do think they're a bit odd, especially the bag which is either something you need or don't, can't see a four year old actually wanting to use it, it's kind of too small to be practical on a day out but too big to be a fun bag. I'd probably pass both of them on as I don't think they'd ever be used by any of my DCs at 4.

My DCs have only ever received toys/books/craft stuff, all of which has gone down well.

Are you The Mum?

I thought the gifts were lovely, especially the bag.

avocadotofu · 13/10/2023 11:33

Those are lovely presents!

ObsessedWithZach · 13/10/2023 12:27

You've described the sorts of gifts you give as 'offbeat and practical'. Most people don't buy offbeat and practical for 4 year olds in their child's class, so in that way it's unusual.

The parent was rude though. The only acceptable thing to say for gifts in this situation is thank you. Everyone must have received gifts that they've thought were a bit odd over the years but most of us would know to be polite.

It's not important though, don't give it any thought.

Ikilledsyriusblack · 13/10/2023 12:28

My four year old granddaughter would have absolutely loved both! This woman was unbelievably rude and a bit odd tbh.

IAmHeartless · 13/10/2023 12:32

Wow she was rude. That’s it.

Marblessolveeverything · 13/10/2023 12:33

I am just wondering if she misspoke - as in too generous? from what I've read on here the gift value vary significantly ? Otherwise yes she was rude. But I have a few friends who would say to me "oh my god I meant to say x and it came out as y!!"

marcopront · 13/10/2023 12:43

hoop47 · 13/10/2023 10:50

I don't suppose the 'birthday girl' could have been in fact a 'birthday boy' ??? 😳 ...That's the only reason I can think of for the mums "out there" comments....😬

So giving a tin with unicorns on is wrong if it is for a boy but ok for a girl. Because all girls like princesses and unicorns. What about a boy who likes unicorns and princesses?

mrmagpie · 13/10/2023 12:50

My daughter is going to be four soon and she would love both of those.

I can't understand what the parent meant at all, those are very nice gifts!

anon0007 · 13/10/2023 13:21

That was really rude of the other parent.

Dd would love gifts like those.

whatsupluckyducky · 13/10/2023 13:27

They are both lovely and thoughtful gifts. She was rude.

Fionaville · 13/10/2023 13:27

Me and DD would have absolutely loved those gifts! How are they out there? I bet she's one of those mums who'd have grey and white play pit balls, because they fit her decor, rather than buying her child colourful things 😅 Regardless, it was plain rude to say that!
MoonxHome Ball Pit Balls Crush Proof Plastic Children's Toy Balls Macaron Ocean Balls 2.15 Inch Pack of 100 White Dark-Grey Light-Grey amzn.eu/d/53tyePG

MrsMiddleMother · 13/10/2023 13:28

Honestly I don't think she was rude and I'd be a bit miffed if my dc was gifted a gym bag 🤔 the tin is lovely, I would have put some hair accessories or sweets inside it and gifted that. The bag is weird.

Jenkinsbry · 13/10/2023 13:38

Definitely rude to comment to others about their choice of gifts. But maybe she meant “out there” as in it’s not toys/games/books.

I have to say though, I would find the tin a bit odd personally if it was empty. I would have probably added some sweets or small toy in it.

ElfieLea · 13/10/2023 13:39

Very generous and my 3 yo would be very happy with them. Think I'll add the tin to the Christmas list.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 13/10/2023 13:40

My 6 year old would love the shit out of that gift tbh. Other mum was a dick.

YouOKHun · 13/10/2023 13:42

Some people don’t have any manners. I once got a class round robin email (before WhatsApp) from a mother warning us that for her DD’s upcoming birthday she didn’t want the “usual tat” and “would accept” cash in place of the usual tat (her words). I put 1p in an envelope with a card and she never spoke to me again, so a win win really.