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Original poster

Mum rude about gifts for four year old…

419 replies

Okaaaay · 12/10/2023 22:31

I’ll caveat by saying I don’t like buying kids tatt and have been known to put funky socks in a party bag (along with sweets and other stuff). So maybe I’m getting this very wrong…

My DC was invited to a four year old girl’s party at a soft play. I gifted a Rachel Elin tin (bright, pink girly colours with my treasures or something written on it) and a kids rainbow Joules drawstring gym bag. My other DC would have loved this sort of thing when they were 4.

The recipient's Mum came up to me at nursery this aft and said ‘thanks for the gifts for xxx, they were a bit ‘out there’ (with hand gesture) for her but we’ll make use’. I was so stunned I just nodded and smiled.

So clearly, she was rude, but were my gifts super weird?

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McIntire · 13/10/2023 07:45

SkankingWombat · 12/10/2023 23:54

But if the child did gym, they would most likely already have a bag for kit that had been bought specifically for the purpose and to match their favourite colour/film/character etc.

However poorly matched the gifts were, the mother was incredibly rude to mention it.
That said, they are odd choices. DD1 wouldn't have had much/any use from either as we had all the bags we needed, and she had/has a vocal dislike of overtly 'girly' stuff. A different treasure box matched to her interests would have been used but not enthused over. DD2 isn't much of a collector of things, so wouldn't have used the box, but would have liked the design. She would have been very disappointed to open the box and discover the box is the gift and it wasn't hiding something else inside. She wouldn't have been willing to swap her sparkly My Little Pony gym bag for the one you linked.
I like left-field gifts generally, but you really do need to take the time to match them to the child's interests more than you would a toy. At least with a toy, if it isn't quite right, DC will recognise it as a gift. An empty box is just a bit confusing. DD2 (7yo) got a set this year for her birthday with matching fluffy pen, notepad, socks, and eye mask, which stood out from the norm and was a roaring success. DD1 got a towel with a favourite franchise on, which is hugely practical and fits two of her interests (swimming and the franchise) - it was very happily received and has had an awful lot of use.
I love the socks for a party bag filler idea though. I shall be pinching that!

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This reply is hilarious.
Take the time to match the gift to the child’s interests? At 4!
tbh, I can’t see how anyone would have that much knowledge of their child’s nursery friend.

I couldn’t be dealing with all the parties etc at that age and would forget what I’d bought the year before so every party my children would go to each year I would buy the same/variations of present.
I bulk bought and it saved a last minute panic.

Namechange666 · 13/10/2023 07:47

I would have died for those gifts as a kid, I lovedddd unicorns. She is being a rude ass imo.

CornedBeef451 · 13/10/2023 07:53

£5 in a card is the way to go.

Those gifts are lovely but that's a lot of money for a gift for a child you don't know very well.

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loseweightpleasegod · 13/10/2023 07:54

Practical, fun and expensive. I think the other mothers comments were misjudged and awkwardly put but I wouldn’t have found her comments offensive.

Summerbay23 · 13/10/2023 07:58

Myself and DD would have loved those gifts, practical and sweet. Much preferred over plastic tat. The mum was definitely rude and ungrateful.

TheBirdintheCave · 13/10/2023 08:01

CornedBeef451 · 13/10/2023 07:53

£5 in a card is the way to go.

Those gifts are lovely but that's a lot of money for a gift for a child you don't know very well.

This is what I'll be doing when my son reaches class party age. Or a book token or some such if know the child's interests. It's just easier all round.

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 13/10/2023 08:02

They are lovely presents! Even if they hadn’t been the mum should never have said anything, so rude!

Dubnium · 13/10/2023 08:11

TheChosenTwo · 12/10/2023 22:36

The tin is cute, the bag is a bit strange imo or at least they don’t really ‘go’ together but my dds would have loved to have received both of those!
I don’t know that she really WAS clearly
being rude tbh, maybe a bit blunt because the last comment about “we’ll make use” might have been what I was thinking but the norm would just be to say thank you, lovely gifts and that’s about it!
I’d have probably bought something like hair clips to put in the tin but they really are both very sweet thoughtful presents.

Not sure why they would they need to ‘go together’?

Lovely gifts, would be appreciated here by my & dc alike.

The recipient’s mum does sound very rude, either totally lacking in social graces and self awareness or socially awkward & now sitting at home cringing.

Dighi · 13/10/2023 08:16

Okaaaay · 12/10/2023 22:45

Super lovely, thank you! Though agree, they probably don’t go together that well. The total cost was £13 which is about what I gift for parties which are at a venue (I always bulk buy gifts in sales and got the bag for £5 and the tin for £8).

These are fab and very generous gifts and one would have been enough at that age…. BUUUUT then I read you got them both for £13. Why? How? Where do you bulk buy?!
ps other mum a rude cow.

Mariposista · 13/10/2023 08:19

"That's good because your attitude is a bit 'out there'".
Ughh that poor child. She will no doubt grow up to be an ungrateful brat with a mother like that, and it won't be her fault at all. Hopefully she has other people in her life to be a good influence.
FWIW lovely gifts (although quite expensive)

PierceMorgansChin · 13/10/2023 08:27

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PierceMorgansChin · 13/10/2023 08:30

Fabulous gifts. I have to check if my tin matches my bag

LouLou198 · 13/10/2023 08:34

Very rude! They are lovely gifts, I would have chosen similar myself. Surely she could have just been gracious, thanked you and re-gifted if it wasn't to her taste?

MoulinPouge · 13/10/2023 08:40

She definitely shouldn't have been so rude. Those gifts are really nice and my 5 year old son would love them, and he would have loved them when he was 4 too.

On an unrelated note though you have really over gifted, one of those two would be plenty and it makes things more difficult / expensive for other parents, when some parents gift excessively like this. Even spending £13 is too much for a 4yro nursery friend, and others may not be as good as bargain hunting also. I think the number of gifts received at parties can also be a bit overwhelming, moreso if parents bring two gifts! That's my only feedback on your gifts as otherwise I think they're lovely and hit the spot (nearly all 4 year olds love putting stuff in containers).

Dowhadiddydiddydum · 13/10/2023 08:43

It is rude to make a comment like that about any gift someone gives you.

However I do find the tin an odd gift. Do 4 year olds like tins? I’d have Been expecting something to be inside the tin, but an empty tin seems like an odd gift. You said you don’t like tat but for me the tin falls in to the category. M

love the bag though. Cute and useful.

Lindy2 · 13/10/2023 08:45

They are lovely gifts.

The other mum is very rude and strange.

DawsonWins · 13/10/2023 08:54

Not at all what I would have chosen myself BUT that’s only my own taste. I know that and they certainly not ‘out there’ lol.

Having said that my dcs have received gifts that I would never have bought, have loved them and cherished them. And fir me that’s the most important.

And yes she was rude but you know that.

Severalreasons · 13/10/2023 08:54

My dd and I would have been very pleased with those. Especially at that age, my dd loved to have her own little tins and boxes to put her stuff in and the bag is very practical too.
I would much rather those gifts than the endless slime and craft stuff.

Suffrajitsu · 13/10/2023 09:00

Very odd of the woman to comment at all. All she needed to do was thank you.

Dogon · 13/10/2023 09:02

Do you think she meant you spent too much? I know she didn't say that. But they aren't 'out there' at all, so perhaps she doesn't understand the phrase.🤔

Ribena20 · 13/10/2023 09:04

Could you message her and say you feel awful that they didn't like the presents - please could she pass them back so you can return them for something less "out there" - and then just don't replace it for anything. The cheek of her!

ActDottie · 13/10/2023 09:21

They’re lovely gifts, as a mum I’d also like the practicality of them too as I also hate tat!

Jacopo · 13/10/2023 09:21

She was extraordinarily rude. I didn't know what is wrong with some people nowadays.

Hibiscrubbed · 13/10/2023 09:29

Wow, she’s rude. I’d tell everyone what she’s like, but I’m vengeful.

Kids birthday party presents are a not mandatory token, that’s all.

AmazingSnakeHead · 13/10/2023 09:34

My 4 year old DS got given three bags for his birthday, and adored every single one! Kids that age love boxes and bags, I think they're great gifts and obviously the mum was extremely rude.

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