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Original poster

Mum rude about gifts for four year old…

419 replies

Okaaaay · 12/10/2023 22:31

I’ll caveat by saying I don’t like buying kids tatt and have been known to put funky socks in a party bag (along with sweets and other stuff). So maybe I’m getting this very wrong…

My DC was invited to a four year old girl’s party at a soft play. I gifted a Rachel Elin tin (bright, pink girly colours with my treasures or something written on it) and a kids rainbow Joules drawstring gym bag. My other DC would have loved this sort of thing when they were 4.

The recipient's Mum came up to me at nursery this aft and said ‘thanks for the gifts for xxx, they were a bit ‘out there’ (with hand gesture) for her but we’ll make use’. I was so stunned I just nodded and smiled.

So clearly, she was rude, but were my gifts super weird?

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Loub55 · 13/10/2023 01:02

Wow my DD would have loved those presents! Ignore her, how weird.
I mean even if you thought that, why would you say anything!?

Canisaysomething · 13/10/2023 01:05

That mum sounds like she has zero social awareness or has any idea about social norms. A gift at a child’s party is something to unwrap, great if they like it, no sweat if they don’t.

Growlybear83 · 13/10/2023 01:08

I think they were lovely presents and my daughter would have been delighted with them. The other mother was extremely rude.

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tolerable · 13/10/2023 01:08

THAT is an absolute invitation for you to empty entire tube of glitter inside her xmas card

wirehaired · 13/10/2023 01:11

When you say "funky"....are you putting cheesy socks in presents?

Millybob · 13/10/2023 01:12

My nieces would have been wild for those. And no 4 year old is going to care whether they go together. But you're far too generous - never mind that you got them in the sale, one gift is plenty.
What a rude woman.

INeedAnotherName · 13/10/2023 01:23

The tin is lovely, the bag isn't (dull colours on a bleh item). Sorry Sad

My mum always did stuff like this and all the grandkids would get extra excited at Christmas/birthdays wondering what weird stuff she had got them. But they knew her foibles and loved her. In other words keep the "weirdness" to family and close friends but err on the side of less weird with your children's schoolfriends who are actually strangers to you.

goes off to wonder if a 50+ woman would look weird owning that tin

Queucumber · 13/10/2023 01:25

I love the tin!

The mother was rude to say anything to you. I think (some) 4 year olds are a bit young to understand empty things as gifts. The tin with a bag of sweets and some sparkly stickers in might’ve gone down better.

IMarchToADifferentDrummer · 13/10/2023 01:28

Maybe she just meant they wouldn't be the sort of things they'd usually buy, but that they would definitely be used!
Some people prefer muted tones to bright and cheerful.
I think they're lovely!

Saschka · 13/10/2023 02:10

I personally think that, lovely as those are, they aren’t quite right for a nursery friend’s birthday party. A friend’s child maybe, but not your child’s friend.

Children are very keen on getting ”proper toys” at their party. I suggested a book for DS’s friend’s 4th birthday, and he was absolutely scathing about that idea, even though he loves books himself. A birthday party invitation requires an actual toy, in his book. Anything else is Wrong.

The parent was still very rude though. I might think “bet you’re the kind of parent who gives out packets of seeds instead of party bags”, but I would never actually say it!

Topsyturvy78 · 13/10/2023 02:37

What was she expecting? My DD had a tin similar to that. Used it for felt tips and pencils. I wouldn't be spending that much on a child not related to us. We agreed friends DC/school friends no more than £5. Most would just put money in a card so they could buy something bigger with it.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 13/10/2023 03:36

Next year get that kid glitter….

MissingMoominMamma · 13/10/2023 04:36

Wow- that was bloody rude of her!

I, and my daughter, would’ve been thrilled with those gifts!

WaitingfortheTardis · 13/10/2023 05:16

I dont think I would've taken that as rude, I would've thought she meant in a good way that they were a bit different as they weren't just another toy.

Bluetrue · 13/10/2023 06:06

I had to look up the tin as i've never heard of it..i think they are lovely! I would love that myself!

That mum was so rude.

Bluetrue · 13/10/2023 06:07

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 13/10/2023 03:36

Next year get that kid glitter….

or slime

I hate slime

HoppingPavlova · 13/10/2023 06:13

Incredibly rude, and odd. I would assume she has something amiss, as it’s a nicer assumption that she’s just a rude arsehole. Also, no need for the gift to match as such, no problem with what you have given and the reality is not every single kid will like every single gift anyway.

At my DS’ 3rd birthday party I had a mum rifle through the party bag and hand me back two items, saying ‘ugh no,’ and then she turned and walked out. Some people are just unbelievably rude. (the items were a Matchbox car in box and a small tube of Smarties)

That’s just rude arsehole behaviour of the highest order. I could understand the smarties but ONLY if the mum had of done it politely and said ‘do you mind if I just hand these back so Liam doesn’t see them in the bag. He’s lactose intolerant and it’s such a hard age for him to understand and it will be a long fight when we get home to take them off him, thanks for understanding’. But that’s not the case here. In return I’d send the car with my child to nursery/play group/whatever to give to the other kid saying it fell out of his party bag - even if it was in a situation in front of his mum. If she is there end it with a big smile to her. Bitch.

MidnightOnceMore · 13/10/2023 06:20

She was rude but that tin is really awful unless you like 'princess' messaging. By 'out there' I would guess the mum means 'not our style'?

I think you're gifting too much. One decent neutral present is better than two unicorn/princess explosions.

But I would have just said 'thank you'.

Hotcuppatea · 13/10/2023 06:24

She's rude and wierd! Theyre lovely gifts and surely more welcome than the endless crafting sets they get at that age.

GoodVibesHere · 13/10/2023 06:54

I find an empty tin a very odd gift indeed. I imagine my DC would've been confused to be given an empty box. The bag is functional and not something I'd give as a present to a child.

I'm being truthful here, as you invited comment. But she was very rude. I would never in a million years be rude about a present to someone's face.

FlamingoFloss · 13/10/2023 06:56

They are beautiful gifts with a lot of thought. She was bloody rude!

RosaBaby2 · 13/10/2023 06:58

So rude and they're lovely presents!

Gettingbysomehow · 13/10/2023 06:58

What a strange person. Id have loved those gifts as a child!

marcopront · 13/10/2023 07:08

I think they are nice gifts but they are personal.

If the birthday girl doesn't like unicorns and princesses then the tin won't be used.

When my daughter was younger we would get so many bags as presents that we could never use them all and most were personalised so we couldn't give them away either.

My daughter wouldn't have liked either gift.

The mum was still rude.

Loubelle70 · 13/10/2023 07:25

GodDammitCecil · 12/10/2023 23:15

It doesn’t matter if you gave the child a potato and a lump of coal.

The mother should simply have said ‘thank you’ and carried on with her day.

You don’t critique someone’s present - that’s monumentally rude.

Yep.
That bag is ace😁..it can be used for little books...swimming kit etc. Ungrateful gits lolb