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Original poster

Mum rude about gifts for four year old…

419 replies

Okaaaay · 12/10/2023 22:31

I’ll caveat by saying I don’t like buying kids tatt and have been known to put funky socks in a party bag (along with sweets and other stuff). So maybe I’m getting this very wrong…

My DC was invited to a four year old girl’s party at a soft play. I gifted a Rachel Elin tin (bright, pink girly colours with my treasures or something written on it) and a kids rainbow Joules drawstring gym bag. My other DC would have loved this sort of thing when they were 4.

The recipient's Mum came up to me at nursery this aft and said ‘thanks for the gifts for xxx, they were a bit ‘out there’ (with hand gesture) for her but we’ll make use’. I was so stunned I just nodded and smiled.

So clearly, she was rude, but were my gifts super weird?

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Daisyblue77 · 13/10/2023 21:39

They are lovely gifts . Any 4 year old would love them. The mum was rude. Dont let her put you off buying nice gifts

Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream · 13/10/2023 21:47

The weirdest gift one of mine ever got was a pair of fur covered handcuffs in a gift bag!! (Presumably bought for a hen party or similar.) I still didn’t say anything to the mum. Regardless of your gift choice, she was very rude to comment.

iovebread · 13/10/2023 21:47

what a rude ungrateful mum.
your gift was lovely.

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StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 21:49

Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream · 13/10/2023 21:47

The weirdest gift one of mine ever got was a pair of fur covered handcuffs in a gift bag!! (Presumably bought for a hen party or similar.) I still didn’t say anything to the mum. Regardless of your gift choice, she was very rude to comment.

😂. Ok, that is weird!
You still had the class not to comment, though; good for you.

Fixyourself · 13/10/2023 22:07

Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream · 13/10/2023 21:47

The weirdest gift one of mine ever got was a pair of fur covered handcuffs in a gift bag!! (Presumably bought for a hen party or similar.) I still didn’t say anything to the mum. Regardless of your gift choice, she was very rude to comment.

This is peak British politeness!

ScruffGin · 13/10/2023 22:10

My 5 year old would ADORE those presents, she's weird...

Someoneonlyyouknow · 13/10/2023 22:19

I know a 4 year old who would love (and use) both those gifts! Unless the recipient is a never-touch-pink boy who doesn't collect anything and never goes swimming/to football I can't see how they're "out there" at all.

When I buy things in a sale though, I don't completely pass on the savings to the recipient. Definitely not if their mother lacks basic good manners.

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 22:23

When I buy things in a sale though, I don't completely pass on the savings to the recipient
That's a point, actually. Nor do I.

Bignanny30 · 13/10/2023 22:31

My granddaughters would have loved those gifts. What an ungrateful woman !

Mumaway · 13/10/2023 22:36

She was rude, but do you think maybe she felt awkward about the money? They are clearly pricey gifts, certainly more than I would expect anyone to spend for a rando kids party

newmum1976 · 13/10/2023 22:46

I think she was very awkwardly trying to say “you spent too much, but thank you, we’ll definitely make use of them”

SkankingWombat · 13/10/2023 22:47

McIntire · 13/10/2023 07:45

This reply is hilarious.
Take the time to match the gift to the child’s interests? At 4!
tbh, I can’t see how anyone would have that much knowledge of their child’s nursery friend.

I couldn’t be dealing with all the parties etc at that age and would forget what I’d bought the year before so every party my children would go to each year I would buy the same/variations of present.
I bulk bought and it saved a last minute panic.

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Why is it hilarious? What a waste of time, money, and resources to gift any old random thing without a thought to what the person might enjoy. Would you like to be given thoughtless birthday gifts that don't suit your tastes or interests? Why would a 4yo feel any differently?
I often didn't know what the birthday child liked when DCs were preschool age either. This was easily solved by asking for their interests at the bottom of the RSVP text.

DailyEnergyCrisis · 13/10/2023 23:04

Some mums dislike mums who try too hard. It’s not my style but I’ve seen it lots.

ChocBanana · 13/10/2023 23:09

That is rude. Someone once gave my kid a coat hanger for her birthday. Her first or second, can’t remember.
One padded coat hanger, and it was one of the ones you get in hotels that don’t have a hook at the top. Useless and pointless.
Even then, I wasn’t rude about it. I just said something about it being very useful to hang her coat up.
It was from a relative as well…not a close one, though.

Allyliz · 13/10/2023 23:21

The gifts were lovely BUT even if they were not 'her thing' whatever happened to saying thank you and appreciating what you're given

starfishmummy · 14/10/2023 00:01

I'd have just gone for the treasure tin and put something in it.

ClairDeLaLune · 14/10/2023 00:30

SkankingWombat · 12/10/2023 23:54

But if the child did gym, they would most likely already have a bag for kit that had been bought specifically for the purpose and to match their favourite colour/film/character etc.

However poorly matched the gifts were, the mother was incredibly rude to mention it.
That said, they are odd choices. DD1 wouldn't have had much/any use from either as we had all the bags we needed, and she had/has a vocal dislike of overtly 'girly' stuff. A different treasure box matched to her interests would have been used but not enthused over. DD2 isn't much of a collector of things, so wouldn't have used the box, but would have liked the design. She would have been very disappointed to open the box and discover the box is the gift and it wasn't hiding something else inside. She wouldn't have been willing to swap her sparkly My Little Pony gym bag for the one you linked.
I like left-field gifts generally, but you really do need to take the time to match them to the child's interests more than you would a toy. At least with a toy, if it isn't quite right, DC will recognise it as a gift. An empty box is just a bit confusing. DD2 (7yo) got a set this year for her birthday with matching fluffy pen, notepad, socks, and eye mask, which stood out from the norm and was a roaring success. DD1 got a towel with a favourite franchise on, which is hugely practical and fits two of her interests (swimming and the franchise) - it was very happily received and has had an awful lot of use.
I love the socks for a party bag filler idea though. I shall be pinching that!

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Hahaha this reply is batshit! Who has the time to research 30 kids’ interests? Thank you for telling us your DDs’ likes and dislikes though, I’ll bear those in mind when buying them gifts!

OP your gifts were lovely, and the mum was very rude.

Hibiscrubbed · 14/10/2023 05:05

SkankingWombat · 13/10/2023 22:47

Why is it hilarious? What a waste of time, money, and resources to gift any old random thing without a thought to what the person might enjoy. Would you like to be given thoughtless birthday gifts that don't suit your tastes or interests? Why would a 4yo feel any differently?
I often didn't know what the birthday child liked when DCs were preschool age either. This was easily solved by asking for their interests at the bottom of the RSVP text.

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Your initial reply was intense.

QueenRainbow · 14/10/2023 05:29

I have three daughters (23,13,10) and each of them would have loved this as a gift. Useful, girly and not crappy shite. She was rude

thelongroad · 14/10/2023 06:28

@StarlightLime

But the OP was asking for opinions, and that is mine. And if we'd got that present, then that is what I would have thought of it.
Maybe the mum also has a Mumsnet minority opinion, doesn't mean it's wrong.
(Although I think she was rude to mention it)

Beansandneedles · 14/10/2023 06:33

squashi · 12/10/2023 22:38

Seems a lot of money to spend on someone else's 4 year old, but the gifts are really nice. Even if they weren't, yeah she was rude - all she needed to say was thanks.

this, in a nutshell!

Mumof2girls2121 · 14/10/2023 06:36

Love both! Buying the tin for my daughter now!
the mums probably a beige and grey bore 😂

AnneValentine · 14/10/2023 07:12

Screamingabdabz · 12/10/2023 22:37

Agreed. You spent too much. The gifts are fab but too much for a soft play nursery friend.

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Depends where you live.

madamovaries · 14/10/2023 07:15

Obviously she was ridiculously rude

But what I did wonder : is it possible she hates the “pinkification” of girlhood and finds the unicorn tin way too “girly”? I only have boys and I wouldn’t imagine someone ever giving my son that tin

I think the bag is lovely and you were exceptionally generous

WinchSparkle80 · 14/10/2023 07:32

These are really lovely gifts, the sort of thing I used to buy for presents when DD was younger. Always well received unless people were lying to me.

Love Rachel Ellen website they do some fabulous bargains.

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