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Original poster

How do you deal with your child not being invited to a party . She is so upset

290 replies

Tryingmybestadhd · 03/10/2023 11:07

My daughter is 6 and in a small class ( 13 and only 4 girls ) She is the only girl not invited to another girls party in her class . She came home in tears and it’s honestly heartbreaking. They’re where both girls and boys invited so I don’t think it was a numbers issue . To make it worse this girl is one of those that never shuts up and spend all day speaking about her coming party .
How do you deal with this ? She is so upset .
There m no know issues with this girl either .
As an adult I obviously understand the parents are not obligated to to invite everyone but I feel pretty upset as we previously had this girl in 2 of my daughters parties . Altough I don’t think I will invite her anymore for future ones

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Lastchancechica · 03/10/2023 18:11

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/10/2023 18:09

But the party doesn't just consist of those girls, it also includes some boys. Maybe the birthday girl considers one of the boys a closer friend? Should the birthday girl leave out a friend just because OP's DD is a girl?

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Where does it say that?

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/10/2023 18:12

Lastchancechica · 03/10/2023 18:11

Where does it say that?

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The OP. Claiming both girls and boys were invited so assuming it wasn't a numbers issue.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/10/2023 18:13

My daughter is 6 and in a small class ( 13 and only 4 girls ) She is the only girl not invited to another girls party in her class . She came home in tears and it’s honestly heartbreaking. They’re where both girls and boys invited so I don’t think it was a numbers issue .

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awaitingroom · 03/10/2023 18:14

theotherfossilsister · 03/10/2023 11:38

Is it an oversight maybe?

I was going to say this.

Same happened to my ds this week, I could tell all the way home on Friday after school something had happened and then that evening he told me about the party and everyone had been invited and he hadn't. I felt like crying for him. Anyway, he went in Monday and the child's parent came running over with an invite, it was at the bottom of the birthday boys bag and he had missed giving it out.

Lastchancechica · 03/10/2023 18:15

If it’s a small village school do you know the parents op?

Original poster
Tryingmybestadhd · 03/10/2023 18:16

workshy46 · 03/10/2023 13:30

I used to think like that but now I think you can be a fool too. If you have invited said child twice and no known issues I think it is extremely bad manners not to invite back and that's before you take into account there are only 4 girls
I always reciprocated invites but to to go twice and not issue an invitation is v v poor form. I wouldn't be inviting this child next time around. They are counting on you being the better person so they don't have to be

Oh I don’t care what they are counting on ! I’m inviting the whole class apart from that girl when it comes to my DD daughter and yes I do realise it comes across as petty but part of me wants that mum to feel as heartbroken as I felt watching my daughter cry ! And yes I do realise that makes me mean . I’m only human .

OP posts:
Original poster
Tryingmybestadhd · 03/10/2023 18:19

JonjoMonjo21 · 03/10/2023 18:00

@caban Yes I’m sure. Totally sure. The mum has purposely in front of us asked other parents what sandwiches they would prefer. It’s a bit petty if u ask me. But she’s actually not that bothered. She doesn’t particularly like the boy or even play with him. It’s just the point everyone is invited bar her. To be fair she gets invited to loads of parties. He doesn’t. There’s got to be something underlying a bit of jealousy or something

Goodness me , that’s awful 😞 . Was there any other issues going on ? I hat shocks me in my case is all the parents know each other too as it’s such a small school .

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 03/10/2023 18:20

Lastchancechica · Today 12:00

If the mother replies that there is a limit to numbers then you will know it was a deliberate decision - check it is all the girls and then taker this matter to the school. Bullying by exclusion is not acceptable at any age, and definitely not at six. Do not invite said child to any future events”

Please don’t do this. Not inviting a child to a party is not bullying. The tit for tat is petty, too.

Queucumber · 03/10/2023 18:21

If the class size is likely to stay the same, I’d weigh the educational benefits of a small class against the potential social problems of such a small group of girls.

Lastchancechica · 03/10/2023 18:24

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/10/2023 18:20

Lastchancechica · Today 12:00

If the mother replies that there is a limit to numbers then you will know it was a deliberate decision - check it is all the girls and then taker this matter to the school. Bullying by exclusion is not acceptable at any age, and definitely not at six. Do not invite said child to any future events”

Please don’t do this. Not inviting a child to a party is not bullying. The tit for tat is petty, too.

It’s is bullying by exclusion. The other mother will have known full well the problems this would cause between such a tiny group of girls by leaving one little girl out!

I would most definitely speak to the school op. Village schools hate this kind of thing traditionally.

autiebooklover · 03/10/2023 18:25

Your dd will forget surprisingly quickly. I remember my dd being upset at the same thing when she was around 6. I mentioned it a few years ago and she had totally forgotten. Not me tho mortal enemy for life .

By all means don't invite her anymore but don't do all class bar 1 that's really bitchy. She hasnt deliberately excluded your dd . She's had a limit and chosen the children she's closest too.

Original poster
Tryingmybestadhd · 03/10/2023 18:25

Lastchancechica · 03/10/2023 18:15

If it’s a small village school do you know the parents op?

Yes , we are all on a class group online too

OP posts:
Original poster
Tryingmybestadhd · 03/10/2023 18:26

autiebooklover · 03/10/2023 18:25

Your dd will forget surprisingly quickly. I remember my dd being upset at the same thing when she was around 6. I mentioned it a few years ago and she had totally forgotten. Not me tho mortal enemy for life .

By all means don't invite her anymore but don't do all class bar 1 that's really bitchy. She hasnt deliberately excluded your dd . She's had a limit and chosen the children she's closest too.

I’m not sure there is a limit . I asked my daughter who was invited and she told me who she saw that was the 2 other girls and 4 boys

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 03/10/2023 18:26

Lastchancechica · 03/10/2023 11:55

Message the mother

‘Dear party mother I hope you are well? dd mentioned your dd has invited all of girls to a birthday party, we haven’t received the party details and I wondered if I have missed the invitation? I hope you don’t mind me asking but we would be sad to miss it. Best wishes op’

NO

Original poster
Tryingmybestadhd · 03/10/2023 18:28

HauntedPencil · 03/10/2023 18:26

NO

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I will not message the mother , it’s out of the question .

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 03/10/2023 18:28

Lastchancechica · 03/10/2023 18:24

It’s is bullying by exclusion. The other mother will have known full well the problems this would cause between such a tiny group of girls by leaving one little girl out!

I would most definitely speak to the school op. Village schools hate this kind of thing traditionally.

Edited
Show quote history

It isn't bullying at all. Just because OP's DD is a girl, it doesn't mean she and the birthday girl have to be friends.

School don't get to decide who is or isn't invited to birthday parties, especially if it isn't just one person getting left out but several children.

partypant · 03/10/2023 18:28

OP this is a parenting opportunity. What do you want your child to learn?
That sometimes we miss out
That sometimes life's not fair
That sometimes people do strange things
That sometimes people are not very nice
That sometimes people have reasons for their actions that we don't know about.

What would you like her to develop as a consequence?
The resilience to move through life not relying on the behaviours of others to measure themselves by?
A solid core of confidence not based on external events of which you may have no control?
The ability to see beyond something presently uncomfortable?

Or

That life sucks, people are nasty and the approach to take is to replicate that behaviour by excluding them in the future without seeing the irony of this

Holding a grudge

Becoming bitter and resentful.

Feeling bad about herself because of what others have done

Because a huge number of posters on here seem to have gone for the latter options. They must live a life of feeling really shit about themselves and the themselves up in knots to get back at people rather than being the driver of their own lives.

JonjoMonjo21 · 03/10/2023 18:34

@Tryingmybestadhd I think it’s strange. But in our situation I’ve told my dd we will go out Saturday and do something great. The party is in a church hall. Doubt it will be extravagant however that’s not the point. What are the parents teaching the children in this behaviour. It’s borderline bullying, and singling out. Not something I would do

autiebooklover · 03/10/2023 18:34

@Tryingmybestadhd

so roughly half the class? I think that's a fair amount in a small class. Don't jump to conclusions although if it does turn out to be the whole class and it's not a mistake then feel conscience free to seek revenge. 👿

usernother · 03/10/2023 18:37

partypant · 03/10/2023 18:28

OP this is a parenting opportunity. What do you want your child to learn?
That sometimes we miss out
That sometimes life's not fair
That sometimes people do strange things
That sometimes people are not very nice
That sometimes people have reasons for their actions that we don't know about.

What would you like her to develop as a consequence?
The resilience to move through life not relying on the behaviours of others to measure themselves by?
A solid core of confidence not based on external events of which you may have no control?
The ability to see beyond something presently uncomfortable?

Or

That life sucks, people are nasty and the approach to take is to replicate that behaviour by excluding them in the future without seeing the irony of this

Holding a grudge

Becoming bitter and resentful.

Feeling bad about herself because of what others have done

Because a huge number of posters on here seem to have gone for the latter options. They must live a life of feeling really shit about themselves and the themselves up in knots to get back at people rather than being the driver of their own lives.

This is excellent advice

Original poster
Tryingmybestadhd · 03/10/2023 18:40

partypant · 03/10/2023 18:28

OP this is a parenting opportunity. What do you want your child to learn?
That sometimes we miss out
That sometimes life's not fair
That sometimes people do strange things
That sometimes people are not very nice
That sometimes people have reasons for their actions that we don't know about.

What would you like her to develop as a consequence?
The resilience to move through life not relying on the behaviours of others to measure themselves by?
A solid core of confidence not based on external events of which you may have no control?
The ability to see beyond something presently uncomfortable?

Or

That life sucks, people are nasty and the approach to take is to replicate that behaviour by excluding them in the future without seeing the irony of this

Holding a grudge

Becoming bitter and resentful.

Feeling bad about herself because of what others have done

Because a huge number of posters on here seem to have gone for the latter options. They must live a life of feeling really shit about themselves and the themselves up in knots to get back at people rather than being the driver of their own lives.

I think you are being unfair , I told my daughter all the right things , doesn’t mean that’s how I’m feeling . It’s a case of do as I say not as I do and honestly I don’t think telling her she is not obligated to be nice to someone go was not nice to her is making her bay favours . The last think I want is my daughter to be a doormat .

OP posts:
cassy16 · 03/10/2023 18:41

“this girl is one of those that never shuts up”

you sound like a right treat

Original poster
Tryingmybestadhd · 03/10/2023 18:41

autiebooklover · 03/10/2023 18:34

@Tryingmybestadhd

so roughly half the class? I think that's a fair amount in a small class. Don't jump to conclusions although if it does turn out to be the whole class and it's not a mistake then feel conscience free to seek revenge. 👿

I do not know . Honestly have no idea and she has no school tomorrow so will only know later in teh week

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 03/10/2023 18:42

What sort of party is it?

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/10/2023 18:43

Lastchancechica · Today 18:24

It’s is bullying by exclusion. The other mother will have known full well the problems this would cause between such a tiny group of girls by leaving one little girl out!
**
I would most definitely speak to the school op. Village schools hate this kind of thing traditionally.

Don’t be daft. Schools can’t dictate who a child wishes to invite to their party, “village” or otherwise.

Perfect learning opportunity, OP. We aren’t always invited to everything, it’s just not possible for all sorts of reasons, most of them practical rather than personal. We really shouldn’t take these things to heart.

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