How do you deal with your child not being invited to a party . She is so upset

[Tryingmybestadhd]

My daughter is 6 and in a small class ( 13 and only 4 girls ) She is the only girl not invited to another girls party in her class . She came home in tears and it’s honestly heartbreaking. They’re where both girls and boys invited so I don’t think it was a numbers issue . To make it worse this girl is one of those that never shuts up and spend all day speaking about her coming party .
How do you deal with this ? She is so upset .
There m no know issues with this girl either .
As an adult I obviously understand the parents are not obligated to to invite everyone but I feel pretty upset as we previously had this girl in 2 of my daughters parties . Altough I don’t think I will invite her anymore for future ones

Really, don't.

You're making an assumption though. You have no idea how many were even invited, you have no idea if the birthday girl didn't invite your daughter to be intentionally mean or if she was limited by her mum and simply wanted to invite one of the boys more etc

You are jumping to the unkind option when the reality is no one is owed a birthday party invitation and it's best to not take it so personally since it will most definitely happen again at some point.

I think you're being pretty extreme to be honest. This is a life lesson. Not everyone can always be invited, maybe the child has cousins or family members taking the rest of the spaces.

I don't think it automatically means the family are not "nice" because they have not done a full class party, and I'd never assume an invite means a guaranteed invite back. Life is complicated.

I'd try to emphasise to her that it's not a big deal, it doesn't mean she's not cool, not everyone will be invited to everything. We continue to be ourselves and be friendly and we will be invited to parties when our friends are able to invite us.

Yes and I’ve said many times I do not know how many and won’t until the end of the week , so I’m not making an assumption . I also know they have been friends since nursery and that due to only being 4 girls it’s logic she would feel excluded , any normal person would know this . They are 6 year old and 7 years old .
Once more I’m in no way telling what I’m feeling to my daughter , they can still be friends at school , but I will not invite this girl again .

I would feel that way if she wants the only girl left out , but she is . So no I will not invite her again .

It's horrible seeing your child sad and I too would secretly hold a grudge for life, but... you can't expect your child to be invited to everything or friends with everyone!

Just because there are few girls in the class, doesn't mean every girl has to invite all the girls to every one of their parties, it just doesn't.

Also OP you say that you are planning on inviting the entire class to your Dd's birthday and leaving just this child out out of spite? How lovely 🙃

Maybe the birthday girl is closer friends with a boy. It shouldn't be an automatic invite just because they are girls.

If there were 15 and girls and 15 boys, and she was the only one left out I'd be concerned.

But in this case I don't think you can call it exclusion or bullying.

You clearly chuck a REALLY FUCKING COOL one for your kids birthday, and miss them off of the list. Set the stall social popularity early.

We live in a small village, and that type of behaviour is unthinkable, dc are raised to be well mannered and inclusive.

Not sure why, but this really made me laugh!

It is quite reasonable (at least in KS1, and certainly with a class this size) for the school to have a policy that parties which don't include the whole class are not to be discussed at school.

It's really not reasonable to ban children from talking about their birthday party, just because they didn't invite the whole class. 🙄

Op don’t do that it’s horrible. You can do the same as the mum. 2 girls,4 boys. Party for 7 of them. But you can’t go much much worse and invite the whole class apart from this girl.

what will you do if another girl has a small party and invited 2 girls and some boys. The same? What if a boy does it? Invites 3 girls and not your kid? Are you going to start excluding every single kid who has a small party and doesn’t invite your child? They will all start to hate her.

you are setting her up to have no friends. At that age it’s often not about gender. It’s about who you’re closest to for the limited invites.

the child is allowed to habe a small party, invite the kids she’s closest to. You need to support your child to understand that. Not start going one worse.

I never said anything about bullying at all it was someone else .

Thats awful but i wonder if it is a room in the car issue?

It shouldn't matter about girls or boys, the party girl should be able to invite her friends and she shouldn't have to invite your DD just because she's a girl!

I would focus on that and not make any mention of boys or girls. Just explain to your DD that parties usually have limited numbers.

I’m inviting the whole class apart from that girl

Unless this is what the party girl has done then it's in no way comparable and this is just spiteful and petty.

For me it's likely to be something simple like numbers/cost rather than a deliberate act. If there's a limit on numbers I wouldn't be insisting on my child inviting child X because of their gender or because they were invited to child X's party especially if it meant someone they genuinely play with couldn't come.
Validate her feelings, sympathise with her and explain reasons why not everyone can be invited to all parties (numbers, cost, space...). It's tough consoling a child but as a grown up we should be able rationalise this kind of situation. When you chat about it, you may find they aren't close friends and don't play together all that often anyway. In which case, there's the reason right there. I wouldn't be approaching the parents about it. Plan something nice to do with DD instead.

Again I am not sure who was invited , it might have been the whole class or just a few , the girl was given out the invites at break time and my daughter had to leave early today due to an appointment. I know she asked for hers and was told she didn’t have one . That’s all I know , then she spend the break talking about her birthday . I did not want to ask more questions as she was so sad and crying , so I asked her if any more people where invited so she named the girls and 4 boys as that’s who she saw getting the invites . I will know more Thursday and I will decide on future inviting then . As per now honestly I do not feel I owe this mum or her daughter anything .

I would say the girl was given an option of how many she could choose and then gave the first names she thought of. At this age there may not be any distinction for her whether they are boys or girls

Blimey she's only 6, she is the only girl in a class of just 4 girls who hasn't been invited to a party which, of course, they are all talking about excitedly. That poor kid, no wonder she is upset at being left out and no wonder her mum is upset on her behalf. That is just plain mean and the other girl's parents should be ashamed.

I genuinely don’t understand why parents of such young children allow this to happen. So bloody unnecessary and mean .
Can understand why you are sad OP .About 18 years ago I was in your shoes and I have never forgotten! I see the Mother around occasionally and cannot see her beyond what happened all those years ago.

Why should they be ashamed? Some other children are invited, should the girls mum have refused one of them and insisted on OP's daughter simply because she's a girl even though it is the girls birthday party and it should really be about who she would like at her party?

Absolutely do not send this !!

I think I must be mad, because I don't think this is a huge deal.

This happened to my so. She's 8 and I've still not forgiven the little toe rag who didn't ask him. They'd had a minor falling out the day before he did the invites and he didn't ask him. This was his BEST FRIEND at the time. The parents didn't make him invite my son and I'm still smarting about it. My friend asked if I wanted to lift share and was astounded when I said DS hadn't been asked. Properly dumbfounded and angry on my behalf. She like me believe the parents should have stepped in.
My advice is do something else better. Like a real treat over and above what the party is.

Same, my child just went to parties they were invited too we couldn't go to every party and we couldn't invite every child, do parents need all this drama in their lives really?

You are assuming there are limited numbers and I doubt many places don’t cater for such a small class as most places make you pay 12 children even if less . And yes I think she should be invited for being one of the girls . It’s been the same group if girls since they were in nursery aged 3 and they always do things together and gone to each others parties so yes I think the first time this mum does a party for her daughter she should have invited all the girls as her daughter has been repeatedly invited over the years . It’s called courtesy and being nice