Almost 3 year old still breastfeeding

[Dazedandmore]

My child is turning 3 in 3 months and they can breastfeed at all times if allowed. Totally obsessed with it, constantly hugging and kissing them. No amount of talking and explaining helps.

I have managed to bring down the day breastfeeding to only the nap time. She would fall asleep on the boob and not let go for the duration of the nap.

In the evening I'm trying for her to bf quickly and then fall asleep on her own. She does that but around 3 am wakes and until the morning it will be constant feeding. If I refuse She will get upset, kick around, shout etc.

I can't do this anymore, especially in the night. I haven't had good night sleep in 3 years and this must stop. Talking doesn't help. She doesn't care. I have tried changing my clothes to something she won't have access She still will find a way. We have tried her dad sleeping with her, we swap when she falls asleep and again around 3, she cried over 1 hour one time and couldn't stop until I went to her.

The only things I haven't tried are stopping my milk or putting the disgusting gel for nail biting - I bought it and it tastes so vile I decided against it.

Please give me some ideas what to do!!!

I read somewhere that someone put a plaster on their boobs and said it was tired or poorly so no more milk.

There's a book about stopping BF aswell but not sure how helpful it will be if she doesn't want to listen. Can't remember what it's called but I'll try and find it in a sec.

Just want to say well done to BF for so long. It's OK to have boundaries around your own body and once you make those boundaries stick to them. It teaches your daughter the importance of holding boundaries herself.

Its really tough, and might be for a little while. You could offer water when she wakes early. If she cries, be there for her by cuddling her/singing or whatever else she likes but once you say no, stick to it. Lyndsey hookway on IG has some helpful tips on this topic too.

Edit: 2 books - goodbye mummy's milk and loving comfort: a toddler weaning story

At almost 3 you just need to say no and be firm .
Easier said than done but you may have to go for a week away or something or sleep in another room with a lock

I recently weaned my 21 month old. I tried the plasters over nipples trick thinning there was no way it would work and it did. She's obviously younger so I just said "ouchie, boobies sore, no milk". She was curious at first and kept saying "I see ouchie" but wasn't trying to feed. Then distract distract distract. She will ask very occasionally but I just distract

Say no and mean no. There's no easy way, no magic wand.

DD2 is still breastfeeding and will be 3 in October. I've found it useful to have long periods of time where I'm away from her, so I'll go and do something with DD1 for the day and DD2 with e with DP and do something fun and she's not worried about boob at all. We've also been alternating bedtimes each night so she doesn't feed to sleep every night. We've been gradually cutting down to the point where I don't have a lot of milk anymore. She still feeds in the morning but will quite quickly say that they're empty. She'll keep trying a few times throughout the morning and realise they're still empty and then won't be fussed until bedtime. She still likes having boob but is definitely not as obsessed as she was. I'm going back to work next week and was really worried she was really going to struggle not having boob all day. It's hard, and it's definitely taken longer to stop than if I'd just said no and been firm, but I'm much happier with the level of breastfeeding we're doing now, and I think she's very close to weaning herself off anyway.

Wow. I could of wrote this myself! My DD is 3 in November and exactly the same. I'm solo parenting so don't have anyone else to take over bedtimes to try and help wean that way, but the plasters someone suggested could be the way to go?! I'm defo going to give that a try, but not just yet I think we need to reduce a little more first 😩
No good advice, but a big well done it's hard work but so rewarding 🥰 x

At that age a child doesn’t need a nap. Can the nap and maybe she’ll sleep through.

Mines just turned three and is still bf. I’m very strict about no bf during the day, it didn’t take long to stop day time feeds. The nights are a bit trickier as if she wakes up she helps herself. I still feed to sleep as it works.
I figure she will stop when she’s ready. Although I hope it’s this year.

Same ! My dd has autism and is obsessed with breastfeeding . The HV told me to put plasters over my nipples but I can’t as it’ll terrify dd !!!

I’m afraid I agree with this.
This is a habit and it’s probably going to be hard to break.
I would try the other suggestions first but in the end it’s likely you’re going to have to get tough.
Of course she’s going to get upset, she’s never known anything different and she’s also learnt that, so far, the crying and the shouting gets her what she wants.
All parenting choices come with consequences and some of those involve a little bit of tough love.

Plasters over nipples work a treat. (With some tears of course) It is really horrible sticking to your guns that first night. But what I found is that after 2.5+ years old - they are waking and feeding out of habit. Once that feed is cut out - she will (hopefully) be sleeping through.

This is going to sound odd but hear me out: when other mammals wean, they really don't sugar coat it. My in laws bred puppies once and I remember being fascinated when the mum-dog weaned, every time the puppies tried to feed she just snarled and kicked them away and walked away.

Nb I'm not suggesting you literally kick your child!

When I weaned dd when she was about the same age as yours, I didn't set out to wean deliberately but I started to get an aversion and I just showed her how totally reluctant I was every time she asked to feed. Rolled my eyes, complained how uncomfortable it was, gently pushed her away. Expressed relief when she asked for a book or something instead. To my amazement it worked in just a few days, she stopped needing it at bedtime and then even daytime feeds stopped. All took less than a week.

Emma Pickett on Instagram is really knowledgeable about weaning, especially weaning older children.

Basically what I'm saying is stop making breastfeeding a nice experience. Then she'll stop enjoying it and then stop wanting it.

Obviously keep giving her other nice moments like cuddles and books (I'm sure you're doing this anyway ofc).

I think the locked door thing will just make it worse: it's better to be available as mum but not as breastfeeding mum, imo.

100% drop the nap. She’s effectively having a split night as she’s likely not tired enough for a full nights sleep. You’ve always used breastfeeding as a nighttime tool so she wakes expecting it. Every time DS either started waking early or being awake for spells of time at night it meant a nap drop was needed. Do that first and she might end up self weaning if she sleeps through.

Have you tried just saying "no"?

Ewes and lambs have the same issue. In the end the ewes walk off.

I cut down to just once at bedtime when DD was just turned 2 (as I still wasn’t ovulating!) and stopped completely about 7 months later.
We did a lot of distracting, saying Mummy’s breasts only made milk for bedtime now she’s bigger, and lots of having Daddy settle her.
Overnight he would offer her a sippy cup of water but she soon stopped waking. I think we dropped a nap around then which helped a lot with overnight sleep.
Good luck and well done!

You need to substitute and distract. At nearly 3 years old they are using it to have control over you so you need to distract by either substituting with a hug or distract all together if it is inappropriate timing.

You would be better off cutting the nap out or shortening the naps. So 30 minutes not long day naps and not falling asleep on you. Put down for a nap and leave. If they are not having it then do not do the nap. After 3 they need to cut the naps down otherwise they struggle at school and it can take months to get to a good sleep pattern. Go for a longer night sleep so they get up at 5.30am or 6am ideally. The waking a 3amis why they need the nap and the nap is why they wake at 3am. Break the cycle.

Sounds a little like they are too much of a baby and not a child. I am assuming they can speak? It's time you stopped being controlled by them as it only gets worse when they are 4 5 6 years old. Sort it now before it becomes harder.

Good luck.

Rubbish. A load of kids still nap at age 3, 60% of 4 year olds still nap. Studies have shown toddlers drop naps when their brains are ready, rather than at a certain age.

OP, I’ve just stopped bf DD at 3 years old last week and I just ripped the proverbial plaster off and said no more, milk was all gone, no means no etc. She’s allowed to be upset but boob is no more, and we’re just dealing with it the best we can.

Lol do you seriously think a 3 year old is using breastfeeding as coercive control? Come on.

A 3 year old is still very much a "baby" not a manipulative being who is controlling their Mum.

OP, this must be so far. My boy is 2 and honestly the thought of weaning fills me with dread as I don't know where to start.

I've heard of habit stacking which may help, where you feed and incorporate rocking/humming/bum patting and then slowly remove breastfeeding from the equation.

Good luck!

I got to two years and four months and DD was still feeding at night. She was waking me every hour, I hadn't slept comfortably at night for years and I just couldn't do it any more

Ex DH and I agreed that he would just sleep with her at night and would deal with the fallout. I said goodnight to her, jammed my bedroom door shut and didn't respond and he just distracted her. It only took two nights before she just went to sleep.

She did cry, but he was there with her and she was safe and fine. I was literally losing my mind. It was the right thing to do

Op ignore the posters who think 2.5 or 3 is astonishingly old to still be breastfeeding and using phrases like "she's not a baby any more". It's really only in recent times and in certain countries (like the uk) that breastfeeding beyond 2 has almost vanished. Breastfeeding is not just for babies, it's for babies and toddlers. You've done a great thing to feed this long.

But I totally respect you wanting to wean, and I did at about the same stage (as described above).

Of course that isn't coercive control 😵‍💫