Almost 3 year old still breastfeeding

[Dazedandmore]

My child is turning 3 in 3 months and they can breastfeed at all times if allowed. Totally obsessed with it, constantly hugging and kissing them. No amount of talking and explaining helps.

I have managed to bring down the day breastfeeding to only the nap time. She would fall asleep on the boob and not let go for the duration of the nap.

In the evening I'm trying for her to bf quickly and then fall asleep on her own. She does that but around 3 am wakes and until the morning it will be constant feeding. If I refuse She will get upset, kick around, shout etc.

I can't do this anymore, especially in the night. I haven't had good night sleep in 3 years and this must stop. Talking doesn't help. She doesn't care. I have tried changing my clothes to something she won't have access She still will find a way. We have tried her dad sleeping with her, we swap when she falls asleep and again around 3, she cried over 1 hour one time and couldn't stop until I went to her.

The only things I haven't tried are stopping my milk or putting the disgusting gel for nail biting - I bought it and it tastes so vile I decided against it.

Please give me some ideas what to do!!!

Many two year olds need a nap! DS had one until he was 4. There’s no need to add a grumpy over-tired child to the mix, on top of stopping BFing - that is a recipe for a tantrum.

We dropped feeding to sleep for naps when DS went to nursery, as I obviously wasn’t available (we sent bottles of BM but he wasn’t really interested). Honestly OP, the only way we got rid of feeding to sleep was when I went away for a few days (work-related) and DS was so outraged he didn’t ask again until he finally forgave me about a week later, by which point the ship had sailed. It wasn’t quite how I’d planned it, but he was 2 so it was a reasonable time to stop.

You just have to be unavailable for a bit.

Tbh mine napped until 3 sometimes but I had unlinked sleep and milk/feed anyway.

They napped without a feed.

Personally I think @Tintackedsea 's way sounds really good. Replace something nice with something nice.

Bedtime was the last feed we dropped. At a certain age I would be cuddling, reading a book and I would just hand them a cup of milk and not really say anything. It was a lovely cuddly time of day and they just forgot about the boob.

Haha lol all the mothers on here who get offended by women who stop breast feeding at 12 or 18 months. Seriously the op wants to stop and all you are doing is supporting continuing breast feeding!

I have shown you the studies and you refuse to accept them because its from America or is a limited study. Yes breastfeeding is always a limited study as guess what most people stop before 2 around the world...

So ladies do what you want but do not try to make out those that are not supports of a 3 year old breastfeeding in the night to be uncaring. Stupid and what was that militant. Get real...

I have deliberately not mentioned what age I stopped BFeeding as I don't think it's relevant and very personal.

OP just wants some strategies on how to do it.

Just be aware if you do go away you won't dry up just like that. It takes forever to dry up if you've BF for years. I had a month off in the second year due to medication (and am a low supplier anyway) but DD just resumed BFing after that as if there hadn't been a gap!

@RedRobyn2021 I'm not sure re the name of the FB group - I've just looked and several came up with similar names. The one I was on was very big and very militant about things like natural term weaning and formula use (I eventually got chucked out of it for saying I thought formula was an amazing invention even though it had saved my baby's life!). Most people were nice but some were really awful. Possibly the militancy put others off so breakaway groups developed?!

What’s wrong with comforting a child? If breastfeeding is comforting for them, why take that comfort away if you don’t have to?

@Dazedandmore really have a look at Emma Picketts books and website. She’s launching a podcast soon too. She also arranges weaning buddies which might help. She’s got some great evidenced based information on weaning older children and how to maintain the comfort, emotional regulation and boundaries for both parties.

@Mummy08m

Yeah all those benefits according to the universities in America are bs after 12 months. You need to read other studies.

Siblings where one is breast fed and the other not after 10 months old neither child has a higher iq. Is obese or what ever the 11 other claims that are most common are.

If you genuinely believe them then good for you but again all the things you have said about my studies also applies to breastfeeding studies. There is also an element of class. Lower class families do not breast feed and poverty is the biggest factor in obesity not breast vs stopping.

Don't drop the nap unless they really don't need it anymore. Mine napped until she was four years but we didn't feed to sleep after a few weeks old so that didn't affect getting to sleep.

I think you need to go away now. And benefits do go beyond 12 months.

@Cowlover89

Why have you hijacked the post to promote extended breast feeding. It is irrelevant? I replied people who attacked me and took offense over stopping.

OP is asking for help to stop. It's not working for her and she wants to stop.

So the happy clappy keep going with the breast feeding mummy group is not what was asked for...

Thread is about HOW to stop not WHEN to stop.

Yes and I and others have given heaps of advice on how to stop. In fact I can't find a single comment on this thread saying "don't stop breastfeeding, keep going".

But a couple of posters have said frankly rude and nonsensical criticism "your dc is not a baby any more"; "breastfeeding after 18m is extreme"; "you've brought this on yourself".

I'm challenging those comments.

I haven't read all of the posts so sorry if this has already been suggested. I breastfed my first until 3 years and 3 months. I had been tandem feeding her and her sibling for a while.

I had a little "party" for her to mark her stopping. I spent a week reminding her that she was a big girl and that she needed to stop. I was actually also donating breast milk to the milk bank. She saw me expressing and so I used that as an excuse and said that the "sick babies" needed her milk and she was a big girl so didn't need it.

At her party we had cup cakes and I gave her a new teddy. Then whenever she asked for breast milk I reminded her that she had stopped and she would get her teddy and we'd have a cuddle with it instead.

There isn't a single comment on this thread telling op she shouldn't wean at this point if she wants to.

So the "happy chappy keep going with breastfeeding mummy group" exists only in your colourful imagination

@Mummy08m

Who calls a 2 year 9 month old a baby. They are not a baby by definition...

Breast feeding after 18months would be classed as extreme... Do not get people wrong no one said it was a bad extreme that was your interpretation only and why you decided to jump on people. Facts do not lie and only 5% of uk babies are breast fed after 6 months old, after 12 months its like 1% so yes it is an extreme to extend. Maybe not in your circles which clearly are very closed.....

Seriously no one is attacking you for breast feeding your child but you are jumping all over people who have methods to stop because you have some weird moral attitude. Your challenging other people comments started it and were not needed.

My child is rapidly approaching 12 and doesn't have any vague kind of control over me, despite being breast fed until 2 years 4 months. But thanks for the concern 😂

No, I've never worked in a nursery. I can't think of anything worse. Especially with all these two year olds using 'coercive control' 😂

Yep, 2yo aren't babies. They're toddlers.

Breastfeeding is for babies and toddlers.

Anything else I can help with?

@Bacon88

I have given op advice how to wean. You haven't, you've just gone on weird rants about how extreme she is to have fed this long in the first place.

Why is this argument about how beneficial is breastmilk?

Benefit doesn't just mean nutrition. When the child becomes obsessed with breasts (like op's) I don't see why that would be beneficial.

It's when a few weeks old babies end up in hospital because the mum doesn't have enough breastmilk or issues with breastfeeding. On what level starving a baby is beneficial?

You need to follow your child's needs not random Google searches and judgemental mothers.

DD breastfeed almost like a newborn at 2.5 years, once her molars were through she pretty much completely stopped, when on the night before her third birthday she had a feed, patted them and said "Goodbye booby, I'm a big girl now" and that was it. One of my favourite memories. Chances are she'll stop as soon as the pain from teething is over.

Aww that's tough, feel your pain as I've has two breastfeeding obsessed girls.I had to night wean DD1 at 2yo as she was up multiple times wanting feeding, she co-slept alot and constantly wanted to be latched on and I was soo tired! DD2 is 21mo and very reliant on feeding still too, and won't resettle at night wothout it.

To be honest, it was easier than expected- after a couple of nights where she was upset for a little while (we only offered cuddles and water) she accepted it and began sleeping alot better.And I weaned her off totally (bedtime and morning feeds) by 3.5.We made a special thing of her last feed and she was ok about it (although asked afew times when DD2 came along, but i just said it was her turn for the milk now) By 3 they are definitely old enough to understand although might not like it, but it sounds like you are having a really tough time with the nightwaking so need to persist....as long as she is getting comforted by you or your DH and not left alone to cry that's the main thing.You may have afew tough nights but once she realises you mean what you say I think she will soon adjust.

Maybe prepare her in the day beforehand when she is feeling less emotionally sensitive, using conversation and maybe some books to discuss what is going to happen.If you do that you need to be able to follow through though, or she will get confused and it will make it even harder to accomplish.

Wishing you lots of luck!

Scroll back to page 1 where i posted two long pieces of practical advice on how to wean at this age.

On the same page, you have a comment that's been deleted (!) So even mnhq has deemed your opinions to be more "extreme" than most others on here.

@Mummy08m

Yes I did. I said substitute with something like a hug or distract altogether if it is an inappropriate time. I said the child is not a baby so do not let them control you as in if you want to stop you stop.

Go read my first comment before accusing me.. people jumped on my comment over the being controlled by a 3 year old and that she is baby...

So thank for your apology

Another thing, could you still feed her first thing in the morning, and when she wakes in the night say 'the quicker you settle down now and go to sleep, the sooner you will be able to have mummy's milk as soon as you wake up' so she has that as a consolation and it's not completely cut out but hopefully means more sleep for you?
Also sounds random but I sort of give my boobs abit of a personality 🤣 trying to cut daytime feeds with dd2 so I say to her 'deedee (name for my boobs) is asleep at the moment- you'll see Dee dee later' then make a snoring sound.Sounds abit strange but it does work!

@Mummy08m

Fyi the comment that was deleted was a reply to a women who attacked my first comment and when I attacked her she reported me. There are certain types of mums on her who get away with calling me stupid yet when I hit back they report you. I am sure you are intelligent enough to understand that is wrong. Unless you are one of the mums who think your attacks are justified??