Almost 3 year old still breastfeeding

[Dazedandmore]

My child is turning 3 in 3 months and they can breastfeed at all times if allowed. Totally obsessed with it, constantly hugging and kissing them. No amount of talking and explaining helps.

I have managed to bring down the day breastfeeding to only the nap time. She would fall asleep on the boob and not let go for the duration of the nap.

In the evening I'm trying for her to bf quickly and then fall asleep on her own. She does that but around 3 am wakes and until the morning it will be constant feeding. If I refuse She will get upset, kick around, shout etc.

I can't do this anymore, especially in the night. I haven't had good night sleep in 3 years and this must stop. Talking doesn't help. She doesn't care. I have tried changing my clothes to something she won't have access She still will find a way. We have tried her dad sleeping with her, we swap when she falls asleep and again around 3, she cried over 1 hour one time and couldn't stop until I went to her.

The only things I haven't tried are stopping my milk or putting the disgusting gel for nail biting - I bought it and it tastes so vile I decided against it.

Please give me some ideas what to do!!!

My son is 3 years and 3 months and I had this exact issue. I continued waiting and I introduced bottles again and he's finally losing interest! He sleeps in the other room with his dad though and finally sleeps through as we reduced all milk at night.

This was me last year with my youngest! DD1 fed till 2.5 and gave up thankfully 2 weeks before DD2 was born. DD2 managed to hang on until 3 year and 4 months- I was so done with breastfeeding by then! But found very little advice on how to get them to stop. I did join Breastfeeding for Older Babies on FB mentioned by a pp but they strongly support natural weaning (or did when I was a member) which is fine but was not for me.

A Lot of advice seems to be go cold turkey or sleeping apart or going away but that seemed like it would feed their fear that I was abandoning them. So with both I gradually cut out day time feeds first. Both mine dropped naps fairly early so that got rid of that feed. Nights were tough, but I found slowly reducing the amount of time feeding really helped, so by the end it was a couple of seconds and then off. There were protests and tears, but they are toddlers and every new stage is a bit like that. I would say my breasts were sleeping very firmly! We had lots of cuddles and talked about how babies breastfeed but big girls don't and that Mummy always loves them. When they were ready to be big girls they would decide to stop.

DD1 decided one night she wanted to go to sleep with Daddy which she did. DD2 just fell asleep cuddling me and never asked again. And that was the end of 5 1/2 years of breastfeeding! It was a really anxious time and bloody hard work so I feel for you OP but she will stop. Keep being firm on your boundaries but show her you love her in other ways, finishing breastfeeding doesn't mean losing mummy and that growing up is a positive thing.

Go away for the weekend with a friend. Break the habit.
Teach her to enjoy other ways of spending time with you. Hugs, stories, games, helping you with jobs etc. Ignore any whinging and use distraction.

Islamically , we are supposed to stop breastfeeding at 2 and I was glad to stop as I had not slept for 2 years . But my son didn't want to come off and we struggled so much . He's 4 and even tho he weaned 2 years ago , he still kisses my chest and hugs it . What helped me was putting something bitter on my nipples . I'm Pakistani and we got something from Pakistan. But you could try putting something that's not harmful and its bitter .

Sorry but you have let yourself get into this situation... have heard of saying no to the child? There may be tantrums but enough is enough

Posting now so I don't lose this thread. Ds is 2 next month and your post is all the reasons I want to stop soon.

Has your milk volume never dropped?

Drop the child off with grandparents/aunty and go away for a few days 3 nights. Return home dried up.

I called you stupid for saying a toddler uses coercive control and for seriously referencing little Britain in a thread about breastfeeding, to be clear.

Referencing the "be kind brigade" and "breastfeed your kid til [sic] there five gang" is definitely on the stupid scale too though.

It sounds like night time feeding is the problem? There are books you can get to explain night weaning (eg nursies when the sun shines) or just talk to her and say from tonight milk will be sleeping until the morning.
Then stick to your guns. You won’t traumatise her but she’ll probably be really angry with you (because she sees no problem with being up at 3am). Sometimes the only way out is through the hard feelings.
I recently weaned my 3yo so I know it can feel difficult emotionally. You need to decide what you want more, to wean her or to avoid a couple of hard days.
Mine was a bit younger when I night weaned (17 months) but we had one really hard night, I was there to comfort her the whole time, one not great night and then ever since then she’s not asked for milk at night and has been happy with a cuddle if she wakes.

I bf-ed my son till nearly 3 but we just did bed time. I had to go away for a few weeks & never mentioned it again. No idea how we would hsve stopped if I hadnt had to go away. But I do think you'll have to just be firm & say no, while still being there & being loving etc. 3 is old enough to be told that tantrums are not acceptable behaviour, even though we may understand that they are cries for help.

My DD is 2.5 so only a bit younger and I've just night weaned her. Although we had managed to get down to only the one wake up, but that was only because she asked to go in her own room in May. Before that she was waking at least twice and asking to bf.

At this age I've found that talking and preparing helped, talking about what you want and why, i got a few boob books including "nursies when the sun shines" which is very sweet btw. Pick a day together then stick to it and remind them, boob at bed time but none in the night anymore. Then follow through. They will get upset and then wake everyone, but you're there for when they've calmed down and want a cuddle. Just be as calm as you can.

We are down to nap and bedtime now, I think I will let nap go naturally and then we will tackle bedtime last I am not in a rush, it makes her happy and bedtime a lot easier for me.

I don't have any experience but i feel like you should go cold turkey

Just grin and bear the demands, tears and tantrums but they will pass after 2-3 days

This is absolutely not true. From a biological perspective it doesn't even make sense. Human milk makes human babies/toddlers get cavities?? No, it's the sweets, chocolate, juice, all the UPF we give our children nowadays, poor teeth brushing... not human milk for human babies and toddlers.

It's pretty mental we're happy doling out sweets to very young children but then people are saying we shouldn't be breastfeeding our own children at 3. If you really think about it, it's ludicrous.

Also as a side note, the OP's child isn't 3 as a few have mistakenly said, they 2 years 9 months. 3 months does make a difference at this age.

I wouldn't go to the FB group for breastfeeding older babies and toddlers for this - they're pretty militant about weaning when the child wants and there's some really unpleasant people on there.

I stopped a couple of months ago at about 3 years 3 months - I'm pregnant again and my boobs genuinely hurt when he was feeding! We had got it down to milk only being for sleep time (rather than him wanting comfort for something while we were out for example) but even that wasn't every night as DH got him to bed half the time. He stopped with a DH putting him to bed every night, me saying my boobs hurt (we didn't use plasters but that sounds like a great idea!) but we could still have cuddles, then when he hadn't had any for about a week I told him it was all gone (which I think it was, there wasn't a lot there by this point).

Regarding naps it's worth remembering every child is different, mine tends to nap on nursery days (they put them down to sleep after lunch, part of the nursery routine) but usually not at home. On some days he very clearly needs a nap though - but on many days he's fine without. You could try dropping the nap and see if it helps them sleep through, but don't be afraid to re-introduce it if they are clearly getting overtired and then finding it harder to sleep at night.

I agree - it's a great group but not for weaning advice.

I used to be a bit conflicted until I saw that other mammal mothers (like I mentioned dogs or another pp mentioned ewes) do decide when to wean and are pretty firm with their babies. So that reassured me it's "natural" for the mum to decide when to do it.

Don't know if op needs that reassurance but anyway!

I set a timer. When the timer went she had to come off. I gradually reduced the timer until it was 30 seconds. I used to say "time for a book!" when the bell went. Replaced one nice thing with another nice thing.

My youngest was 3 when he stopped feeding. We gradually reduced it to only at night and then every night for a couple of weeks said 'we'll have to stop milk soon as you're getting too old' and one day he said no and that was that.

@RidingMyBike @Mummy08m

I'm in an group called Breastfeeding older babies and beyond, is that the same one you mean?

I've always found them quite good for advice and with lots of kind people.

I've often found with any group that's specifically for one topic, everyone becomes extreme about it and there's little room for those inbetween people. The baby wearing group... the extended rear facing car seat group etc

That's not true.

Thank you all so much for the overwhelming support, kind words and great advise!

I read all posts without taking a breath feels like. :)

I bought the books recommended as I don't have them. She loves bed time book so this may help.

I may try the bandage or the bitter taste techniques but she is unlikely to care.

I do talk and explain and she would get upset just by listening. If I say boobies are hurt she will be like nope they look fine to me ... it both makes me laugh and makes me terrified.

For the people suggesting I go away for 2 or 3 days ... oh people ... :D my older kid weaned at 1 year and 11 months as I left for 3 weeks on a business trip. When I came back she went straight back to her old routine waking up wanting the boob ... I researched dry breastfeeding and was petrified. Luckily for me my milk has stopped completely so after 2 nights she stopped.

My younger child is more stubborn so leaving won't help. Last year when my dad passed away I went home for 2 days and when she saw me again 1st thing is 1st ... booby time.

I like that a lot of people support the gentler approach, you really validated my plan and gave me direction. I feel I'm I'm this situation when you start a new sport you are really pumped at 1st and then you go back to your old ways. So you are right I need to stick to the plan.

I really, really liked the comments saying I need to show her I don't enjoy this anymore and for me it's not a nice experience I will start doing this as well.

I also feel like I'm making progress for a week she has been falling asleep on her own and when she 1st wakes up I refuse ... the first 5 nights she was really upset and cried for 10 minutes. The past 2 nights she just protested for a minute and stopped.

I need to see what I do with her morning wake ups and wanting the boob.

I don't think she is ready to drop her nap, although I appreciate what you are saying but her sister started resisted napping at around 3 and a half and I remember what a struggle it was for her to fall asleep. This one falls asleep really quickly which leads me to believe for now she will struggle without a nap. A shorter nap is certainly something I need to think about!

I'm also starting a new job on the 1st so she won't nap with me anymore which will help.

Thank you all again for your great comments! I really appreciate the lack of judgement, it makes me feel slightly less bad of a mother lol.

Lastly, Good luck to all the other moms in my situation, we will get there I'm sure and will finally get some undisturbed sleep. :)

@Cowlover89 @RedRobyn2021

Yeah it is true. Look it up. They are at a higher risk of cavities as even breast milk contains sugars or enzymes that become sugars. You do realise sugars are not like the white power you put in your tea???

Breastfeeding a kid past 18 months old is purely a comfort/bonding thing. They should be getting all the nutrients they need through a balanced diet and most certainty by 3.

So lets cuts the bs down and say if you want to breast feed to 3 4 5 then fine that is you choice but your child doesnt need the milk for a diet point for view and it does increase there risk of cavities especially in night...

Can you cite your sources/research?

Confused as National Institute of Health and La Leche League have both stated that this is a common misconception and has been supported by numerous scientific studies.

I don't know why you are so bitter about children being breastfed above a certain age but perhaps you should do some soul searching/consider therapy to see why this is such a trigger for you.

I hope you find peace 🙂

@TinkleTinkleToot

So you still do not think a nearly 3 year old can control you?? Have you ever worked in a nursery???

The ones where parents say my child doesnt eat this and my child is scared of that? Well they eat it at nursery so the fact all your child eats are home is weetabix and toast is down to control. They do not scream and cry and gag when at nursery for mummies special toast! These kids are 2.5. OP kid is 2 and 9 months!

Seriously if you are not wise to the tactics of small children you will be controlled by your kid up to adulthood. Good luck.

@lunylovegood

It says that for young babies....

If you read the data properly and not what you are looking for as you are the pro breast feed your kid till 5 it says after 2 cavities are more likely to be present in children who breast feed...

Seriously the university of Utah did a study looking at the 11 benefits of breast feeding and when compared to a sibling child that wasnt they found after around 10 months there was no difference in outcomes of health or benefits.