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Original poster

Is my husband's behavior toward my son cause for concern?

182 replies

KiwiRefuge · 14/08/2023 21:23

Apologies in advance for any breaches of etiquette. I'm new to the forum.

I spent the weekend at my parents' place with our 6 mo son to give my husband a bit of space to get some projects done. When we got back, I was doing some stuff in the kitchen while my husband watched the baby, who has a cold and is extra fussy. I let my husband know he could interrupt me if he needed to and that I was happy to take the baby if the crying was getting too much.

When the baby couldn't be soothed, my husband started cursing at him and became tearful with frustration. I offered to step in but he declined. The baby went from fussing to crying at which point my husband shook him a bit (not a serious head-flopping-back-and-forth shake, more like the way you might shake someone's shoulders to 'snap them out' of something.) At that point I took the baby from him and he went upstairs.

My husband is going to have a difficult week at work so I'm considering just getting an AirBnB with the baby to give him some additional space. But I tend to be a pretty catastrophic thinker and don't want to make things worse by overreacting.

If any additional context helps, this is not the first time I've been scared by how my husband handles the baby and we've had a few conversations about it. He'll go long stretches where he'll seem okay, but then something happens and he'll have an extreme reaction out of the blue.

Again, just wondering if I'm overreacting and if staying someplace else for a few days will only make things worse. Thanks in advance for the advice.

OP posts:
lifeturnsonadime · 14/08/2023 22:46

OP you need to get you and your baby away from this man.

He's no good. He might hurt you and the baby, he's shown he is capable of doing this already. Shaking a baby is bad, really bad.

I'm concerned, given his temper, that it will be difficult for you to get you & baby away.

I'd reach out to women's aid right now https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Your priority needs to be baby and you.

Good luck Flowers

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Mariposista · 14/08/2023 22:53

For heavens sake, if a baby’s constant crying is getting to you, you put it down safely, leave the room and count to 50, and take deep breaths until ready to go back in. You never EVER shake a child, no matter if it’s newborn or 10 years old!
Leave OP, or you will be as guilty as him WHEN your child gets injured or killed (not if).

halle1997 · 14/08/2023 22:57

Op i would leave or ask him to immediately and never leave your baby with him alone.. and dont really understand how you can give a 6mo a little shake! Id be taking him straight to the hospital and reporting him to the police. This is in no way acceptable behaviour. What if your out the room and he does it again your baby could end up with severe brain injuries or dead? You need to safeguard your baby.

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itsmylife7 · 14/08/2023 22:57

KiwiRefuge · 14/08/2023 21:29

He's been going to therapy, has some medication and goes to the gym on a pretty regular basis to help him work through things. I realize the original post makes him sound bad - he is working to address his temper but he's not 100% there yet.

Don't backtrack and make excuses for him

He's a danger to your baby a VERY real Danger.

Pottyberry · 14/08/2023 22:58

You were present, as a witness, and to offer help/to take over and HE STILL SHOOK HIS BABY.

This is incredibly worrying. Your baby is in danger. Please take action and get him out. Good luck

Heyhoherewegoagain · 14/08/2023 23:00

I’m never one for saying LTB as very few things are black and white, but this is.

Get your baby the fuck away from this man-he’s told you who he is and no amount of “working through” is worth your baby’s life

VisitationRights · 14/08/2023 23:00

Your husband is a threat to your baby. Don’t minimise his behaviour. Don’t hide his behaviour. Protect your baby.

LindersSoph · 14/08/2023 23:02

Crying babies can be really frustrating, especially if you're tired, hungry or just plain worn out, but you just don't get physical with them in anyway, ever!

If it was getting too much, he knew you were available and could have called you to come for the baby while he went to cool off.

This is very worrying OP.

Nell80 · 14/08/2023 23:05

He shook the baby. I don't care how much or how little, he shook the baby. Get him out of your house, or get yourself out of the house with that baby tonight. It only takes a moment to change that baby's life for the worse forever or even kill them. You would never ever forgive yourself. Get out or get him out tonight. I'm sorry this has happened.

youtwoandme · 14/08/2023 23:05

I can't believe how much you've played this fine and then proceeded to defend him.
He shock your baby! This can kill! Do not ever leave that beast alone with your child!

youtwoandme · 14/08/2023 23:06

Down**

youtwoandme · 14/08/2023 23:07

Shook**
Enraged at this post, fast typing!

WunWun · 14/08/2023 23:08

You're underreacting

AlwaysJumping · 14/08/2023 23:09

Pottyberry · 14/08/2023 22:58

You were present, as a witness, and to offer help/to take over and HE STILL SHOOK HIS BABY.

This is incredibly worrying. Your baby is in danger. Please take action and get him out. Good luck

This

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 14/08/2023 23:10

Yes. Your husband's behaviour is a huge cause for concern. You need to get him away from the baby. He needs to leave or you do.

Geppili · 14/08/2023 23:10

Never, ever leave him in sole charge again.

autienotnaughti · 14/08/2023 23:11

You need to ask him to leave and report this. A person who shakes a baby should not be left alone with the baby. What would he do when you are not there

Nodeepdiving · 14/08/2023 23:15

This makes for extremely upsetting reading. I genuinely felt my stomach lurch when I read he shook your baby. You do not do that. Ever.

You need to report this and get medical help for for son ASAP. Call 999 and ask for police to remove your husband and an ambulance to attend your son.

I spend way too much time on here and this is the scariest thing I've ever read in almost 8 years. Please call 999.

Busubaba · 14/08/2023 23:15

I can't understand the logic of shaking a baby to quieten them? Even an idiot would understand that's just going to make the baby cry more!

I would split up with him because he's thick and nasty, which isn't a good combination.

But, you need to report him to social services as he must not have the infant alone.

Lightningspeed · 14/08/2023 23:16

You are very much under reacting. Yeet the fucker.

thelengthspeoplegoto · 14/08/2023 23:18

It really does sound like cause for concern. Please don't leave him alone with the baby. It's just not worth the risk.

Puffypuffin · 14/08/2023 23:19

Jesus Christ. Of course it's a concern. How could even think otherwise. Get him the hell away from your child.

Nodeepdiving · 14/08/2023 23:21

This is official NHS advice. Please call 999 now. No consequence of doing this will be as bad as the consequence of not doing anything. Your baby is at serious risk! He was just fussing and then started crying FFS! That's a 6mo's bread and butter!

Is my husband's behavior toward my son cause for concern?
Jl2014 · 14/08/2023 23:22

Jesus Christ, what are you doing. Get out of there or get him out. He is not safe be be around your baby. As much as I’m concerned about your husband, you are also seriously lacking in judgement.

Mischance · 14/08/2023 23:23

As others have said, shaking babies can result in brain damage..... and with a baby it does not take much of a shake.

When the baby couldn't be soothed, my husband started cursing at him and became tearful with frustration. You need to understand that this is very far from normal. Seriously far. Your baby is at risk.

You need to remove the baby from this situation whilst the problem of your OH's absence of temper control can be addressed.

And you need to face up to the fact that it is possible that he will not be able to overcome this problem to the point where you feel you can leave the baby with him. I fear this will will seriously impact on your relationship if you do decide to stay. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this.