Should we pay?!

[Mumlife80]

Ok...so need some advice plz...I was watching my sisters two boys...age 10..and 7...i have a lively 3 yr old and while they were eating at the table my 3 yr old knocked the 7yr olds glasses onto the tiled floor breaking the frame under one of the lens...the cost to repair them is £75 and my partner is steadfast against paying for them while i think we should...my sister i think is expecting us to pay for them...what would you do??...my partner believes that because i was doing her a favour looking after her boys that should warrant not paying...also that our boy is only 3 and didnt know better...he thinks my sister is out of order expecting us to pay!! What do you all think? Thanks

Yes, I read the entire thread. I still maintain that kids going in and out family houses is totally normal pretty much everywhere else in the world.

Well it bothered OP enough to say something and ask her to stop dropping them off unannounced

Absolutely true, the ''S/he's only {Insert age here} as an excuse.

{Same with dogs when people say ''S/he's only a puppy'' when their dog is jumping up at strangers and being a pain, and the dog is about two..}

For a child to grab glasses from the face of another child and to throw the glasses down on the floor, that's definitely on the parent of grabby child to replace the damaged glasses.

I've only read to page 3 then given up so not sure it there were any more updates but I think you should apologise and pay, and politely explain that you didn't realise the expense of his glasses - you will speak to your 3 year old about kind hands obviously but you think its likely to be a while before you can guarantee this won't happen again (if ever?!) And you just aren't happy to take on that risk so won't be looking after them again. Still welcome to visit but sister would need to keep an eye on them/take responsibility for child's glasses for the same reasons.

Let's face it, 3 days of childcare outstrips the £75, I think she was pretty self centred and disrespectful to ask for it really. I'd of been frustrated at the cost but certainly not at anyone involved and I wouldn't of dreamed of asking the person looking after my child for free to pay?! How rediculous.

I also don't agree with all the bandwagon meaness going on implying you don't parent your child well...its really not constructive. You are well in your rights to be defensive against women on a forum turning on your parenting and your child when your question was centred around paying. Any 3 year old can have bouts of impulsiveness, my little boy is sweet natured and beautifully behaved most of the time but he can occasionally do something that on the surface seems "naughty". I could fully imagine him getting excited with cousins and doing exactly what happened here, its not malicious, its impulsive and likely to elicit a laugh...I would 100% address it but he IS only 3, I'd be realistic, good grief.

She was taken back abit but understood...we will see lol...she often drops them here because she has to get nails..hair done...has to go shopping etc ...very rarely because of wrk because she works from home and her youngest is seven so not as needy as younger kids

Make it clear hair and nail appointments and grocery shopping, and the like, aren't emergencies. She can pay for childcare or take them with her.

you should offer to pay for them, Your child was responsible for the damage, you as parents are responsible to make good on the damages.

I would absolutely pay. The child grabbed them off his face and threw them. It wasn't an accident. My sister wouldn't expect me to pay but I definitely would!

I see you have paid. I do think this was the right thing to do and at least it can't be held against you at another time!

Nope not true I have two children that wear glasses and I've had to pay to have them repaired at specsavers. For all people saying glasses are free on the NHS very few are actually free and they look horrendous, I've paid in excess of £80 for 2 pairs of glasses for my children that were not designer

Yeah but a 3 year old can be a git too even with discipline and boundaries in place at an early age.

Oh to be so prefect eh this isn’t a race to the top you know these things happen and all I see is judgement on someones parenting.

They can but those who try to parent well own it when their kids do things wrong. They teach their kids to own it too and say they are sorry and are prepared to accept that they have done the wrong thing not make excuses for them. No one gets annoyed at parents who try and accept their kids can be poppets at times but that it is, accepting that they chose this behaviour and will work on it more to try and prevent it from happening. They will also issue consequences to a child who chooses this.

If I were you I would offer to pay, but if I were your sister I wouldn't accept.

Oooo. Tough one!

i think it would be polite to offer.

this very much depends on your family dynamic. I make more then my siblings and would offer, but they would turn me down, as a seven yo should be able to defend his face from a three yo! And stuff happens.

so knowing they would turn me down I’d just e-transfer, or get the kids prescription and order him joke safety glasses for my house! They come in handy anyway for safety!

you probably saved your sister 75$ by watching her kids, but it may be a labour exchange where she watches yours too.

Overall a good family relationship is worth 75$. Will you be bitter? Will she?

your family, your problem, your feelings, your gut! I wouldn’t count my husbands opinion much here. To be fair I would never weigh in if it was his family.

I’ve been on the other end of a similar situation and years on this is still a bone of contention… I had my friend and her kids over and the friend’s then 5yo child threw the games console controller at our tv smashing it. My friend and I were in the next room but the two older siblings aged 9 and 8 were with them when it happened and all agreed at the time he’d just launched it at the tv. My friend offered to pay and we said let’s go half on a new one, we looked for the best deal we could find to replace it and aren’t bothered about expensive tvs so wasn’t a fortune and just from Tesco! My friends husband is still furious that they had to pay anything and still makes digs about it 6yrs on. His now 11yo son mentioned it a few months ago saying he remembers that my daughter told him to do it, (this was never mentioned by either of the older kids at the time so I’m sure did not happen!) and the husband sat there with a smug expression so he obviously still goes on about it even at home as I don’t think my daughter of the same age would even remember it! It’s soured the friendship tbh

I think you should pay.

Is it really that hard to click ‘see all’ before commenting? I mean, come on.

I actually thought about asking MNHQ to delete this thread as the sheer stupidity of some of the posters is doing my head in
All they need to do is go to the first OP post and click on ‘see all’

MNHQ really does need to make the feature more obvious. The small text 'see all' doesn't make it clear that it means 'see all' the OP's posts/updates.

If they had a really obvious button to click on (on both the browser version and the app) and a header that reminded people of the option on long threads, it would make such a difference.

The most irritating thing on this forum is people coming in to long threads oblivious to the resolution of the issue.

Oh I know. It's one of the most useful things on the site, to be able to click and see at a glance what the OP has posted.

Instead it runs on and on long after the OP has posted to say she has paid up. 🤷‍♀️

I've not read the whole thread but I'm not convinced by this £75. You can get a new pair of children's glasses for much less than that in Specsavers. I get that the lenses are free but the frames aren't but the lenses aren't much good without a frame and most opticians are pretty good about fixing them. I assume the frame has snapped completely but I honestly think a completely new pair would be cheaper.
As for paying, it may have been an accident but I still think it's on you to pay I'm afraid.

You don't need to read the whole thread to see that this is resolved. Just read the OP's posts by clicking on 'see all'

I did that but thanks for the tip 🙄

My comment re. a new pair being cheaper is still valid though. Sounds like the OP's sister was ripped off.

Doesn't your family-insurance cover this? Sorry if this is a stupid question, I'm in Belgium and here that would be the case.

I’d offer to pay but if you look after them a lot I wouldn’t be looking after the kids again. Kids are kids and these things happen but to expect you to pay when you doing her a favour I would expect her to go halves with you at least