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Original poster

Should we pay?!

376 replies

Mumlife80 · 25/07/2023 19:54

Ok...so need some advice plz...I was watching my sisters two boys...age 10..and 7...i have a lively 3 yr old and while they were eating at the table my 3 yr old knocked the 7yr olds glasses onto the tiled floor breaking the frame under one of the lens...the cost to repair them is £75 and my partner is steadfast against paying for them while i think we should...my sister i think is expecting us to pay for them...what would you do??...my partner believes that because i was doing her a favour looking after her boys that should warrant not paying...also that our boy is only 3 and didnt know better...he thinks my sister is out of order expecting us to pay!! What do you all think? Thanks

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Cherrycola44 · 26/07/2023 19:26

I think you should offer to pay.

Can you think of a reason why your husband resents your sister? He is being unreasonable - why would he think that you would stop looking after your nephews/nieces just because you are expected to pay for your child’s mistake?

Nellynoowhoareyou · 26/07/2023 19:26

Sounds like £75 well spent if it stops her taking advantage of you for childcare!

jennyjones198080 · 26/07/2023 19:27

JusthereforXmas · 26/07/2023 19:21

A) I wouldn't pay that much and don't because I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH. If your rich then very good for you but I have an income of 8k a year. Good luck getting money I don't have.

B) 'deliberately damages' come off it, on what fucking planet is a 3 year old knocking something over (something that shouldn't have been left there) 'deliberate'.

C) If you require medical aid they are YOUR responsibility to keep safe and not leave lying around. I take medication, if you ditched your kid at my house and I left my meds on the table and your kid downed them like sweeties I doubt you would insist on paying my prescription replacement cost.

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I have heard of victim blaming but this it ridiculous!

a seven year old whose glasses were grabbed of his face and thrown to the floor is at fault because he didn’t take enough care to keep his ‘medical aid’ safe. 😂😂😂

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Herejusttocomment · 26/07/2023 19:27

I think you should pay, your child was in your care at the time and, unless she was going to pay you for watching her DC, that's moot.

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 26/07/2023 19:27

Dox9 · 25/07/2023 20:02

I would offer to pay.
In your sisters shoes I wouldn't accept the money though as it was just an unfortunate accident caused by my 3 yo nephew.

So not an accident.
You definitely need to pay for the repair or replacement. Maybe a big sorry card made by your 3year aswell ( or a drawing ) to teach your child he can’t grab at people and break their things.
I hope he said sorry.

ChristmasCwtch · 26/07/2023 19:27

Yes, you should pay. Your child (even though he’s small) caused the damage. It wasn’t an accident.

Original poster
Mumlife80 · 26/07/2023 19:27

jennyjones198080 · 26/07/2023 19:20

Just as a point of order having four children doesn’t make you a better parent than someone who has one. It just means you have more children!

I am sure you are a wonderful parent - but your parenting skills are not related to the number of children you have.

Yes...very true...i meant that im well experienced with handling children...my eldest is 22 and this is the first time any of mine have damaged somebodies property...

OP posts:
AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 26/07/2023 19:29

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 26/07/2023 19:27

So not an accident.
You definitely need to pay for the repair or replacement. Maybe a big sorry card made by your 3year aswell ( or a drawing ) to teach your child he can’t grab at people and break their things.
I hope he said sorry.

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Apologies didn’t mean to tag you there @Dox9

CastaniaBlush · 26/07/2023 19:30

Mumlife80 · 25/07/2023 20:29

He grabbed them off the 7yr olds face and threw them on the the tiled floor thinking it was funny...

Goodness yes, I would be paying for them. Odd your OH thinks you ought not to pay.

lupeds · 26/07/2023 19:31

I'd say something along the lines of:
"Bit of an awkward one sis, obviously I want to pay because it was x's fault but DP is moaning about me looking after them for free. If I pay you in full he'll make me say I can't have them anymore, would you rather I did that or we went halves? "
Then leave the ball in her court

Herejusttocomment · 26/07/2023 19:31

Mumlife80 · 25/07/2023 20:36

I think we should pay...but my partner is fuming at the thought of it because of how much i look after the kids and the fact that our wee one is only 3 and it wasnt intentional...he reckons i should put 75 on the table and if she takes it then fine but she would no longer be welcome as its just too risky to have her and kids over

That is a separate issue which you can /should bring up with your sister.

Chocolatesandroses · 26/07/2023 19:31

I think you should pay

GrinAndVomit · 26/07/2023 19:34

Yep. You should pay. Your child’s breakages are your responsibility

Psychonabike · 26/07/2023 19:37

I'm confused by this.

I have two children 12 & 9 who wear glasses and have done since they were 5.

The NHS situation is usually that your child won't go without glasses that are required by prescription. So free frames, free lenses, free repairs/replacement if they are their only pair. No limits on any of this, again if it is their only pair.

Has your sister gone entirely private and then expected you to pick up the cost of entirely predictable damage (kids break things)?

And £75 to repair? That would usually be a write off for kids glasses -replacement rather than repair...and again, if replacing only pair of necessary glasses, entirely free.

All sounds a bit fishy.

My children do have non-NHS glasses (the unbreakable kind by Nano) mainly because we were getting glasses repaired every week and wanted a solution to that. But even those are only about £80 a pair. (Strongly recommend these!)

I get the fact that your child is responsible but I'd be a bit annoyed about having to meet the cost of someone else's luxury, impractical choices...I mean, they are children and stuff like this happens...

THEDEACON · 26/07/2023 19:39

Yes yousboud pay your hold broke them

Lollipop25 · 26/07/2023 19:43

You should definitely pay.

LaughingCat · 26/07/2023 19:48

Oh no! This is one of those quandaries that doesn’t have an easy solution. I’d have done what you did and offered to pay. Might not have insisted so much but then, it’s good leverage if you’re looking to limit the freebie last-minute childcare (who even does that?!). Understand why your OH was mad but definitely agree you handled it the right way. Let’s see if she sticks to her word though 😁

Epidote · 26/07/2023 19:49

Pay for the glasses and do not do more child care for your sister at least until your little one is 6 or 7 and knows to behave.

Clearly you can't be paying glasses or things the little breaks by accident therefore your nephews/ nieces need to be to get the childcare somewhere else.

LardoBurrows · 26/07/2023 19:51

I'm amazed you sister had the gall to take your money. If I was her I would have considered £75.00 was a bargain when weighed up against all the hours of childminding you have provided free of charge. She's a a CF.

Waitingroompurplecup · 26/07/2023 19:51

My dd wears glasses and we are not in the uk so have to buy the glasses and pay for repairs.
i absolutely would expect them to be paid for by the parents if a child did this to her. If this happened at the playground or school I would also be pretty angry about the grabbing of glasses in the first place and the resulting inconvenience of getting it sorted. But since you were doing a favor by offering free childcare, I probably would put those feelings aside as long as you paid.

I have a 1 year old who grabs his sister’s glasses and he gets a strong telling off in the same way he would if he hit/bit someone. It’s absolutely not acceptable. Some kids struggle with wearing glasses - they’re a medical aid that help a child see. It’s a massive sign of disrespect and invasion of someone’s boundaries. If an adult took someone’s glasses off their face and threw them on the floor i would describe it as assault.

Therefore I would apologize, pay, and sit down with your dh to explain why it is important to do so. Then have a chat with your child about why they should not do it again (in a way they understand without scaring them). Maybe get them to paint a picture and do a hand print or something to give the child to say sorry.

2jacqi · 26/07/2023 19:51

agree with your partner!!! do not look after your sisters kids again

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/07/2023 20:02

Well done for paying

Does your sister work ?

Or why does she suddenly drop kids off to you

£75 for kids glasses is insane - they will get lost /broken so not sure why she has such cat or glasses for a young child

lottiegarbanzo · 26/07/2023 20:05

Your partner is a tightwad who deserves no friends.

You should both have been supervising better.

Pay up.

ivykaty44 · 26/07/2023 20:05

Mumlife80 · 25/07/2023 20:29

He grabbed them off the 7yr olds face and threw them on the the tiled floor thinking it was funny...

thats not an accident, its a deliberate act and has the consequence of breaking something that is going to cost a lot to repair - its not as if her ds could have prevented it happening and at three although your ds maybe lively - he needs to be reined in otherwise its going to be expensive for you

lottiegarbanzo · 26/07/2023 20:07

Though I do agree that if you're in an NHS area, no-one needs to be paying £75 to repair children's glasses.