21 year old son won’t work

[Lostmum8279]

Hi I don’t really know where to begin! My son is 21 years old , he won’t work as he suffers from anxiety but refuses to get help. He expects everyone else to pay for his socialising, he has run up debts all over the place and still asks me and my husband to pay for petrol to drive his car, takeaways etc. He sometimes lives at home or goes to his girlfriend until they get fed up with all the money he borrows and kick him out. What do I do? I understand his anxiety issue and it’s not easy for him but we are here to support him with counselling or whatever he needs but we can’t support him financially. He will always have a roof over his head and food to eat but he chooses not to be home.

I know it's been done out of kindness but you are enabling this party all night, sleep all day, lifestyle. Learn to say NO. No more money, only pay for fuel to go to the Job Centre or interviews. He should pay something from his UC to you for his food/electricity. At his age he should be standing on his own 2 feet not scrounging from his parents. He is just lazy and disrespectful of you. Stop enabling him to be a loser.

I'm sure he'll get there in the end OP, with your guidance. All the best to you.

Just no need for this^^. He may be going through a bad patch but he is still op’s son fhs!

Hey OP, I haven't read every comment but I tend to agree with the majority of responses on the thread. I do have to ask, why do you think he suffers with anxiety? Is this something he has said, you have inferred, or a medical professional has imparted?

I speak as mother and carer of a 40 years old DS,who has rapid cycle bipolar, severe anxiety and depression. He doesn't go out socially or have any friends. When he is having a bipolar crisis,he can't even go out of his front door. Your son isn't a baby, not even a child. My oldest DD was like this, she lost her live in job,her own fault,it was cash in hand,so no benefits available. I was in emergency accommodation, after divorcing her father,who tried to kill me. She "borrowed" money,out clubbing all night, sleeping on the sofa all day....did nothing. She even lied to me, said she was told by the council housing officer, she had to come and live with me!! She had a sports car,I had a push bike,2 younger brothers to support. In the end I told her she had a week to look for a job, otherwise I was throwing her out. She said she would end up on the streets, taking drugs. She carried on lying, about what she needed money for (inoccently overheard on the phone by youngest DS) I threw her out, she was 21. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She wasted her 20s,30s to present day. Lots of responsible jobs in banking... worked her way up. Been manager of one of the big 4 supermarkets. A few years ago, having a son the same age, she apologized for her behaviour.

He’d rather be out with friends and then sleep all day??

no shit. Wouldn’t we all like that life? He’s got you guys right where he wants you!!

How can he afford to own a car please?