Do you ever wish your DC had a more “wholesome” childhood?

[Coffeecoffeeinmytummy]

Ok hear me out. I have two DC only 2 and 4. But I’m already a bit disappointed in how I’m bringing them up and wishing their childhood was a bit more wholesome. Does anyone else feel like this? Or have you made a conscious effort to try and do this?

Its hard to explain what I mean. The obvious one is too much screen time… they are both obsessed and it’s a constant negotiation. The youngest is already a marketer’s dream and wants any tat with Peppa/Bluey etc on it. Eldest would spend all day on the iPad if I let her. I kind of wish I never let them start using it, and I definitely wish that they didn’t know YouTube and on demand tv existed!

So yeah in an ideal world I’d like them to spend less time on screens and more time playing particularly outside. They’re both quite reluctant to play outside and just ask to come back in for tv. I’m not necessarily bothered about them doing “educational” stuff as they’re so little and of course we have loads of books and toys like puzzles or more open ended things but they gravitate towards plastic tat and screens. We went to a national trust place the other day and had a picnic and everything felt so much better and I thought “this is the kind of parent I thought I’d be!” 😂

Don’t even get me started on food. Youngest shrieks with delight at the McDonald’s sign from a mile off. I’d love to cook more with them but it’s a right PITA if I’m honest and I always have to summon the courage to do it. Eldest would live off pizza.

Anyone else feel like this?! I know there are bigger things to worry about but I’d love to spend my time with them playing and growing veg and being outdoors and going for walks instead of watching Disney and eating sugary crap.

Agree about being mindful of one's own screentime 😂

I have similar aged children and would love to swap tips! We do use the iPad but only when out at a restaurant (the rule is that sound must be off, and when the food comes the iPad goes away). No iPad at home.

For cooking we have a sturdy wooden box he can stand on to watch me cook. Our friends have those "kitchen helper/learning tower" stools but they are expensive...

Could you try and schedule in some outdoor time each day as a starter? Whether it’s a trip to the park, or a walk to collect sticks/leaves, a colour hunt while you’re out? Anything just to get them starting to enjoy being out? You don’t have to be the wholesome parent all the time, it sounds exhausting! But maybe you could be for an hour a day to make your self feel better 😂 I also hate cooking/baking with my 2. It’s bloody stressful!

Honestly, it is possible. I’m not bragging or judging here, and it’s not possible for everyone (I have one 8 yr old child and am a SAHM with a working DH), but you can do it if you want to, especially if you start off like that. This was a conscious effort I made from DDs birth.
We don’t own an iPad/tablet, we don’t have fizzy drinks or even juice in the house, have never taken her to McDs. Honestly thought we’d have caved on these things by now but still going strong at the moment. Thankfully DD loves to read and play outdoors, but then she hasn’t fully experienced what it is like to live on the ‘dark side’ 😂 which I intend to try and keep that way because I bet she’d love it!
I imagine it would be difficult to change existing habits now without it seeming like punishment, and it’s bloody hard pretending to think/feel certain things in a bid to be a good role model. But it can be done. I’m naturally a lazy greedy b*stard, but as far as DD is concerned, water (not Coke) is my drink of choice, crafts are so much fun (not at all dull), I have no problems with going for a walk in the rain (fucking hate it) and nature is so interesting (is it?!) but these are all sacrifices I make to encourage this “wholesome” childhood that you speak of. I’d never cooked a meal before DD was born, but I decided there would be no chips, no readymeals and so just make stuff up as I go and I don’t think she even knows you can buy readymade pizzas or shove in the oven lasagnes (that’s what I’m eating when she’s in bed). I realise I sound like a dick FYI and that anyone reading will probably hate me.
One day DD will find out that truth that I am a fraud! 😂
It’s tough though because obviously all her friends eat McDonalds, watch Wednesday, have free rein of their iPad and so on. So far none of her friends nor their parents have noticed that we’re weird, and would probably be shocked that DD doesn’t eat Haribo or have screen time. It does worry me though that I’m making problems for ourselves and DD in the future.
I think you just have to be strong and set a good example from yourself, like pretending that outdoor picnics where you get stung by nettles or stand in dog shit have so many positives, and are gosh, just so much more your bag than sitting at home scoffing a takeaway.
But if you want to change things, you can try introducing new activities and if they see you ‘enjoying’ them, you never know, they might welcome a bit of change.

Cripes, I had a lot to say there 👆 didn’t I? 🙈

sorry, also just noticed that your DC are just 2 and 4. Come on, you can do this and make the changes you want to 💪

I’m not a saint, DD watches TV and loves McDonalds but we have been able to be really strict on other stuff. It’s easier having one for that I think. It helps if there are more adults than small people!

We do live rurally in a very idyllic setting and DD gets lots of outdoor experiences as we have a horse and hens. She doesn’t ever have access to an iPad apart from once when we were in a hotel that had no TV and she watched a small amount of CBeebies on it. But she never has it at home. She does ask sometimes but I have always said No.

A friend has 3 that have to have an ipad each just to sit at the table (home or restaurant) and didn’t want that to be us.

But we are not perfect and I’m not striving to be. DD is ill today and has literally been in bed with the TV on for hours (when not asleep) as she’s just not interested in books or toys or craft today. Not ideal but it is what it is. When she is better we have a day of buying and planting strawberries planned. Ying and yang!

DD is 3.5 btw

I genuinely could have written this post. Solidarity. If you're anywhere near Sheffield please PM me, I'm in exactly the same boat x

I agree with this. We used to watch programmes where we had to wait a week or few days for the next episode and we didn’t have that instant gratification of clicking onto the next one as kids have now. They had a good narrative and cliffhangers unlike a lot of the stuff I’ve seen today. But no Netflix or YouTube meant it was easier to regulate screen time. When the kids TV time finished, we had to read - by choice. We loved this too.

They are 2 and 4 years old .They get tired and its hard work caring for LO.Please dont be so hard on yourself.Spring is coming and forecast to be warm next week.Maybe try a few trips to the park ,feeding the Ducks or suchlike .We live in UK not California! Winter is cold and tiring. No children have a "perfect" childhood with fresh veg ,rosy cheeked from being outdoors! If you had a good time with NT, go again or see of there are any more within a reasonable distance? Peppa seems to be addictive for young DC .Our little nieces adore her.They are still very small ,Enjoy them and chill out!

i am so grateful for all of the advice and kind words. Sometimes I do think I am being too hard on myself but then also sometimes I think i just need to do more with the kids and not always be thinking about something else.

Inspired and spurred on by your encouragement, we got our early today and met friends at a country park. Lunch, nap and play at home and then went back out to the garden centre and to pop into DM to say hello. Had a nice day, managed no screens until dinner was cooking at 5.30 and then let them watch a Julia Donaldson on iplayer which they didn’t even finish as dinner was ready. I’m ok with that particularly as it was requested because eldest had been reading the book earlier on. So they maybe had 15 mins of tv all day. Also said no iPad for DD during nap time and instead she played a bit by herself, then we read some books and then we made some bracelets together with a kit she got at Christmas.

Felt like I was totally winning until I realised chips were on the menu with dinner tonight and they weren’t even homemade wedges, just oven chips… baby steps i suppose!

@Grumpybeforemytime sending hugs. I’m nowhere near Sheffield unfortunately but please do PM me if you ever want to chat to someone who feels the same way!

It’s so hard I really try but ultimately they want more than anything to go in their screens, so for example now in the Easter holidays they will make a half arsed attempt to play in the morning so I will then let them on their games in the afternoon. We do go out but in the house it’s all they want to do and feels like a constant battle. The elder ones are teenagers now so I have well and truly lost that battle, it’s literally all they do even when they have friends around

@coffeecoffeeinmytummy I feel your pain! One thing I came across the other day you can remove certain shows from the kids section of Netflix (if this is what they're watching Peppa pig through) in the parental controls.

Can't stand the silly little pig she's just rude so I removed it. If you search for calm kids programmes a lot of people have put together a list of kids shows that aren't as fast paced (which is what makes them addictive)

Will your 4 year old go on a bike? That's usually a sure way to get our three year old outside. Hopefully as the weather gets better it will help.

Activities when it's raining that are usually a hit are playdough or kinetic sand. And I found putting some of their toys away and rotating them helped them play with things more.

@Couldntgive2hoots I don't put my work before my kids. We just work really hard including nights and weekends. Apart from the two days they're at nursery THERE'S ALWAYS ONE OF US AT HOME WITH THEM BOTH. Unfortunately real life means I can't skip around the garden with them all day and take them picking flowers to make their upbringings 'wholesome'.

Could your huge insight into how I bring up my kids solve the other problems in my reply? No, thought not. So your stupid reply was pointless wasn't it 🙄.

Oh, by the way - working means we have money to feed the kids. Does your money grow on trees?

One day DD will find out that truth that I am a fraud!

I don't think you are a fraud of course 😂 (you're clearly doing a great job) but yes, she will! Longer-term, I do believe it's important to live the life you think they should have - so they gave treats, I have treats - it's not hidden & never was. Ok, my treats might be bigger or different than theirs but the rule is the same. The activities / habits I have for my DC are the same for me. I think long term it's important we are living the way we want them to.

(Sorry that sounds incredibly earnest & twatty, I know)

Hi, I have 2 little girls, 2 and 4. They both love their tablets and McDonald's too! I try to limit them to an hour a day on their tablets and McDonald's once a week as a treat after swimming. I'm not the parent I hoped to be but I try to keep them busy with groups and activities, my youngest would never leave the TV otherwise 😫, its so difficult trying to navigate everything.

It's about balance.

My 2 are the same age, they love iPads, McDonald's and plastic tat, but they also love playing outside, reading books, are extremely sociable, my eldest does 6 clubs per week and my youngest does a mix of toddler classes and clubs. They eat healthily 80% of the time but run around and love sport. We go on lots of days out including theme parks, adventure playgrounds, children's museums etc. We travel and they have lots of experiences.

To me, balance and enrichment is wholesome and more importantly, fun!

I agree it’s about balance. I would also say, parent for the kids they are - not the kids you imagined you would have. If they love TV & certain fave programmes, make that wholesome - snuggle up on the sofa together, even do crafts to make tickets/ posters etc for an indoor cinema or do baking to make “cinema” snacks. Make it a game to role-play going to McDonalds - build an imaginary drive through in the garden or wherever. Make home made versions of the junky foods they love, getting them involved, if you want to grow stuff. Start with their personalities & interests & then introduce the new ones of playing you want. Your kids will have happy memories if they remember you being introduced & involved. Don’t beat yourself up!

This sounds like a lovely day!! Well done OP. I find having a plan for each day for something to get us out of the house in the morning is key, home for nap and lunch, and something chilled in the afternoon like a walk to the park or something. I find staying in with my two really difficult and they end up having much more screen time than I’m comfortable with so try to go out every single day unless the weather is horrendous. Keep having days like this and you’ll feel so much happier

That sounds a lovely day!!

SIX clubs a week?!

that sounds exhausting. For all of you.

That sounds lovely OP.