Do you ever wish your DC had a more “wholesome” childhood?

[Coffeecoffeeinmytummy]

Ok hear me out. I have two DC only 2 and 4. But I’m already a bit disappointed in how I’m bringing them up and wishing their childhood was a bit more wholesome. Does anyone else feel like this? Or have you made a conscious effort to try and do this?

Its hard to explain what I mean. The obvious one is too much screen time… they are both obsessed and it’s a constant negotiation. The youngest is already a marketer’s dream and wants any tat with Peppa/Bluey etc on it. Eldest would spend all day on the iPad if I let her. I kind of wish I never let them start using it, and I definitely wish that they didn’t know YouTube and on demand tv existed!

So yeah in an ideal world I’d like them to spend less time on screens and more time playing particularly outside. They’re both quite reluctant to play outside and just ask to come back in for tv. I’m not necessarily bothered about them doing “educational” stuff as they’re so little and of course we have loads of books and toys like puzzles or more open ended things but they gravitate towards plastic tat and screens. We went to a national trust place the other day and had a picnic and everything felt so much better and I thought “this is the kind of parent I thought I’d be!” 😂

Don’t even get me started on food. Youngest shrieks with delight at the McDonald’s sign from a mile off. I’d love to cook more with them but it’s a right PITA if I’m honest and I always have to summon the courage to do it. Eldest would live off pizza.

Anyone else feel like this?! I know there are bigger things to worry about but I’d love to spend my time with them playing and growing veg and being outdoors and going for walks instead of watching Disney and eating sugary crap.

Yes. Turn the iPad off for the 2-year old. They already sound like they are very addicted.

Did read op’s updates now and she seems positive and happy. By giving up I was talking about being on screens so much.

This sounds like most kids I see these days. And many parents encourage it for a quiet life. Not sure there’s anything you can do especially when they get to school and mix with other kids.

I really relate to this and completely agree - I am really hard on myself about it all.

Today I had a random thought though - I was reading my DD a story and thought to myself that I have read her at least two stories a day since the day she was born. She's just turned four so that's at least 2920 stories I've read to hear in her lifetime! There are lots of things I could be doing better - including less screen time and healthier food and I'm constantly trying to work on that but it's good to try to notice the good stuff too. You sound like a very caring Mother.

Sending big hugs 💞

You either care and do something about it

or

you let it go and accept things for how they are

what do you want us to say?

Keep them busy with outside activities such as joining Rainbows etc.

Firstly don't compare yourself to bullshit instamums. You don't need to live on a small holding a la Hinch, weave you own kids clothes or only give them wooden toys for children to have a happy and secure childhood.

Secondly, take control over what's important to you. DC got a tablet at 4.5 but first I deleted you tube from it as I don't feel there's any good there but your things might be different.

Lastly, If you don't like them having screen time don't give it to them and play with them instead. Most small children would much rather play with their parents then sit on a screen.

It would be tough to wean them off TV altogether but perhaps start by avoiding channels (and streaming) with adverts?
My children are adults but when they were younger we didn't watch any channels with ads. And had six weeks in the summer when we watched no TV at all, just did things outdoors as much as we could.
It's tough I know, but we did manage to avoid a lot of the requests for crappy popular toys at Christmas.
Obviously you can't do much about this when kids are older

I totally get where you are coming from, however I found it easier when DD was little to avoid screen time, now she’s older it is much much harder and we have to enforce some serious rules.

I used to only allow screen time during a period of getting things done, so while cooking dinner or something. My DD loved play dough and she loved painting so I used to cover my tile floor in old sheets, use a big roll of paper and sponges and brushes and paints, just a nappy on and I’d let her go wild with the paints on the paper, sometimes herself too and it would really help pass the time without her being glued to an iPad or watching tv.

With regards to the books why don’t you rotate them? Perhaps only get the character books out during play time but when play time is over they go away and at bed time it’s something different for example.

I used to have to make a game out of everything for my DD. I loved a walk in the woods and she didn’t so (knowing the gruffalo off by heart) I used to recite it to her during our walk and we’d look for mouse and snake etc and turn it into bit of a game. Near us there are some walls that actually have statues of the characters in various places to find, unsure if there is anything like this near you but it might be worth a look.

mid also highly recommend following The Feebs Feed on instagram she posts some really great ideas for the kids and it’s well worth checking out.

*walks not walls

Mine were about 10 before they had McDonalds. You ate the parent…

I think all parents feel a sense of guilt thinking they must bring their children up better/read more to them/play more with them. It doesn't stop as they get older!! Just the things you feel guilty about change. Now it's guilt over not helping them more to revise for exams/whether they should have had alcohol/talking to them enough. Screen time still applies...

Can you try and plan specific activities rather than having no plan and being indoors and then they inevitably ask for screens? Think someone might have suggested that already. Here are some ideas:

• Trips to the park
• feeding the ducks
• trips to see animals
• trip to the farm
• could you get some outdoor toys for the garden like a mud kitchen? Sandpit?
• activities in the garden or on a walk like trail hunts or painting on the pavement with water and a paintbrush, blowing bubbles etc - loads of ideas for outdoor activities on Instagram
• cooking/ baking
• trip to the beach
• picnics outside
• meals outside in the garden instead of kitchen

The people saying 'well get them outside and don't let them have McDonalds then' obviously have an ideal life because it does not work that way for most of us

Far from it and this sort of outlook is half the problem because it seems to suggest that lots of tech, limited outdoor time and lots of junk food is the norm and inevitable.
It's slightly depressing that people choosing not to fill their kids with junk food and screen time are judged to have a perfect life, rather than bog standard parents who've chosen not to use screens to keep their toddlers quiet.

Honestly I get more done during the day without giving DC screens because they have the attention span to play whilst I tidy up. It's cheaper to plan our meals and being snacks with us when we're out than it is to go to McDonalds. It's not an ideal life or particularly wholesome, just a choice to not give DC fast food and screen time all

@LolaSmiles I don't choose to fill my child with junk food and she does eat fruit etc but when the majority of what she'll eat consists of fairly plain food like garlic bread, fish fingers, Yorkshire puddings, bread then it's a bit hard to feed her a wide, varied, balanced diet. She also doesn't have tea with me 4 days a week due to work, so it's my mum feeding her, who's cooking skills consist of using the oven and burning everything 😂

I try and avoid screen time if I can, and she is able to play on her own, but I have limited time for doing housework and whatever else needs doing due to work or getting my daughter to clubs etc so sometimes it's easier to just let her have the tablet or whatever. Yes I wish I'd done without them but she has them now unfortunately and she's used to them, same with most of her friends. I can't really just take it away now and it's a balance between her having these things so I can get stuff done.

She's 8, so whilst she does still play and likes toys she's not as 'into' toys as she used to be when she was say 5 for example. She'd sit for hours playing on her own back then if she could, whereas now she needs more attention. Which I'm happy to give her when I can but sometimes I just need 10 minutes to get the washing up done, to iron, whatever. It's not as easy as just 'don't feed them this and don't let them have the devices'.

It's in your hands. Why are they so familiar with the MacDonalds sign? A two year old on a screen? Why? Get yourself a slow cooker and COOK. Go outside WITH THEM. To parks, anywhere they can walk, look for bugs or imaginary bears. Go on a bus ride, sit upstairs, let them see things. You can do it.

Well there are things you can do. A 2- and 4-year old who already are addicted to screens should be a huge red flag. But for some here it seems to be easier to ignore it. Easy life. Not easy future though.

If your children are bored, let them be bored. That’s how they develop basic very important skills. They’ll come up with something to do. Unless someone sticks them an iPad.

LolaSmilesI don't choose to fill my child with junk food and she does eat fruit etc but when the majority of what she'll eat consists of fairly plain food like garlic bread, fish fingers, Yorkshire puddings, bread then it's a bit hard to feed her a wide, varied, balanced diet. She also doesn't have tea with me 4 days a week due to work, so it's my mum feeding her, who's cooking skills consist of using the oven and burning everything 😂
I didn't say you did stuff your child with junk food

I questioned the ridiculous idea that people who choose not to give their children McDonald's and choose not to sit their young children in front of screens live an ideal life

People make whatever choices they want. For some people they choose no screens, for some they choose moderation of screens, for some they choose some amount of telly but not individual devices, and some choose to give their children lots of screen time.

What I object to is the idea that people who don't use screens with young children and choose not to give their children McDonald's have some sort of perfect life. They don't. They've just chosen not to give their toddlers McDonalds and a tablet on a regular basis and act like it's the only way to get anything done.

It sounds like you’re trying your best OP.

I think a lot is down to individual circumstances and personalities. Mine had a ‘wholesome’ upbringing but more by circumstance than design.

I think you just have to do what you enjoy and embrace who you are. Think about your favourite things and interests and try to do them and introduce your kids to those interests. And don’t worry too much as so long as there’s a balance on everything, and they know they’re loved, all the main bases are covered.

I like baking and crafts and so we always had lots of painted pet rock families, fairy gardens, and cardboard towns around the place.

I also hated making mess with nothing productive at the end so would always choose to make biscuits rather than play with play doh. We were fortunate that we lived in a terrace of houses with a fair few families all with young children and with a safe area where they could all play outside together so it was usual in the summer holidays and at weekends for them all to be outside from dawn to dusk riding bikes, making dens, or having water fights. If it was raining they’d often all be in one of our houses playing together still.

In the winter rurally it’s hard with toddlers so I had mum friends and we’d wrap our kids in waterproofs and take them out to jump in mud and puddles while we tried to take shelter where possible and chat and laugh and try to help each other stay sane. Me and my best local mum friend had a season ticket to a local farm with a soft play area where we’d regularly take them to run off steam when the weather was at its worst.

I personally don’t really like processed food so made food from scratch as much as possible but relied on things like Nigel Slater’s fast food recipe book so it was all quick and easy. I don’t like McDonald’s much so we never ate it although I didn’t mind them having it with friends or at parties but even now they’re 18 and 21, they still don’t really eat or like junk food. We have store bought pizza as a lazy cheat about once a month. They both enjoy cooking still.

I had a fairly good routine of clubs, dates with friends, music groups, swimming etc when they were younger so I didn’t have to think too much about what to do to fill the days.

The house was often messy and I didn’t hoover as much as I could have done because I don’t like housework and did the bare minimum to be hygienic.

My kids were fairly sporty and my eldest did a lot through their teens and so that kept them off screens and social media and my youngest is very intentional about her social media usage. She finds it interesting seeing her friends feeds compared to her own. Hers is all stylish interiors, cottagecore, books, simple living, photography, cats and cute animals.

Maybe modelling intentional behaviour as they grow up helps them but in the whole nature/nurture thing I just think it’s possibly more nature as my youngest is very similar to me. I like making things and sewing etc over watching tv. I never had a tv as a student and rarely watch it now. My eldest is very like her dad and is really active and sporty. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Honestly sounds awful, yes they get addicted to screens it's your job as parent to stop that, my kids get an hour watching cartoons a day on TV. No games, the eldest gets Utube once a week, he's 6. I think this is too much! I found that finding a time I was happy for them to watch cartoons worked best so school days is when they are home and I'm cooking dinner. On a Sunday they get a longer spell in morning and I get lots done. If they know when they are allowed it they will stop asking all the time and just have it when you say. Be strict! They don't need to be on iPads. Really strict, if I slip because I'm ill say I'll have a few days of "mum just take a rest and we'll watch cartoons" ...but they don't call the shots I do!

People are really weird about screen time on here.
There's nothing wrong with a bit of TV.

My daughter watches alot of TV but I also balance it with taking her out, in the garden, park, walks, etc.

It's all about balance surely?

Makes me laugh all these parents who are so uptight about stuff - never give them squash, never give them chicken nuggets, never give them a screen, never let them watch Disney or anything non-educational.

Why 'never'? Will it kill them if you do?

Some people are so tightly clenched I'm surprised they can walk properly.

If you don't give them squash and nuggets, it's just not part of their world. Mine never had it at young ages. It was easy because my friends' kids never had that sort of thing either. Kids will ask for what they know as treats. Once they've had it, that horse has bolted. It's much easier to not start those habits than reverse them later.

I think it's far too easy to fall into the parent guilt trap from adverts, instagram pictures, social media posts and the general all round pressure to be a perfect parent. Don't forget these are little people, who likely won't want to be marked out as "different" from their friends....
Everything in moderation, so long as both you and they are happy healthy and well-rounded and they are loved, just make happy memories, big and small where you can x

@IsolatedWilderness they have them as treats and it goes no further, by saying 'no'.

Besides, letting my daughter watch TV gives me time to sit and have a cup of tea, and a breather.

I’m sort of near Sheffield & I am in this boat! 🌺