Do you ever wish your DC had a more “wholesome” childhood?

[Coffeecoffeeinmytummy]

Ok hear me out. I have two DC only 2 and 4. But I’m already a bit disappointed in how I’m bringing them up and wishing their childhood was a bit more wholesome. Does anyone else feel like this? Or have you made a conscious effort to try and do this?

Its hard to explain what I mean. The obvious one is too much screen time… they are both obsessed and it’s a constant negotiation. The youngest is already a marketer’s dream and wants any tat with Peppa/Bluey etc on it. Eldest would spend all day on the iPad if I let her. I kind of wish I never let them start using it, and I definitely wish that they didn’t know YouTube and on demand tv existed!

So yeah in an ideal world I’d like them to spend less time on screens and more time playing particularly outside. They’re both quite reluctant to play outside and just ask to come back in for tv. I’m not necessarily bothered about them doing “educational” stuff as they’re so little and of course we have loads of books and toys like puzzles or more open ended things but they gravitate towards plastic tat and screens. We went to a national trust place the other day and had a picnic and everything felt so much better and I thought “this is the kind of parent I thought I’d be!” 😂

Don’t even get me started on food. Youngest shrieks with delight at the McDonald’s sign from a mile off. I’d love to cook more with them but it’s a right PITA if I’m honest and I always have to summon the courage to do it. Eldest would live off pizza.

Anyone else feel like this?! I know there are bigger things to worry about but I’d love to spend my time with them playing and growing veg and being outdoors and going for walks instead of watching Disney and eating sugary crap.

Your day sounded lovely! It’s all about being proactive, isn’t it? A few oven chips won’t hurt either!

It is said that it takes 21 days to establish a habit, so keep going and enjoy your lovely family! 💐

OP, you had a lovely day and still found something to beat yourself over!

I find it easier to manage weekends if we are just physically outside. We usually rotate several places: close by park, bigger park further away, garden center with cafe and outdoor play area, farm with cafe and outdoor play area, NT outdoor adventure course etc. There are lots of woods walks too, but mine are a little too young for big walks.

Select a few easy places as your go-to’s and throw in a ‘special’ one that’s new/further away every now and then - then pack a picnic and make it a day out.

With the weather improving, gardening mid-morning to lunch is always popular here.

One tip if you want more cooking from scratch dinners - don’t wait for 4-5pm to start prep and cooking. If you have 10-20mins around 2pm, just peel and chop your vegetables and keep them in pans/trays ready for 4pm. Makes it rather less hectic.

Sounds like a great wholesome day to me. Don't beat yourself up. A tip from me, we don't have a TV aerial just Netflix etc. We went on holiday recently and I couldn't believe the amount of consumerist BS was on during the Ads etc (as we had freeview in our hotel).

Getting rid of freeview or TV aerial in your home (if you have it) will limit exposure to a certain degree. That being said, this is 21st century living, you can only do your best, fighting against these big corporations is almost impossible. Also we don't want our kids growing up in a vacuum..

Honestly, think you are doing a great job! If you can't get rid of the Ipad (which I'm sorry to say I find completely bizarre that they have them at pre-school. Unacceptable actually) What about 1 hour before dinner or whatever you think is reasonable for your needs/ household- I think anchoring it with a significant daily event eg) dinner time can help establish/ maintain routine.

Op it sounds like you had a fab day.
Don't feel guilt and don't feel bad about the occasional junk food and tv time.
My dc had lots of wholesome activities and days spent outdoors but we had plenty of chips, pizza, tv and films.
If you aim to tip the balance into more activities (outdoor and indoor) then don't worry about tv time too much for now.

Sounds like you did brilliantly.

And when you can't get out and about (like when there's a force 10 and hail) they are surrounded by toys and things they can play with. Things like den building go down well with that age, you can then rig up lights (a torch) inside and read books etc. Get all the cuddlies in. Make up a story around it or get your 4 year old to.

Sorry missed my point - learning to play rather than watch is a skill like any other. There's this quote "play is the work of the child" i.e. that's how they learn, it's their "business" if you see what I mean. So hiding the screens more often and encouraging them to develop play skills will pay off in the long run. I guess what I'm saying is - no it's not as easy for you or for them to play as it is to watch TV. But it's important.

There's this quote "play is the work of the child" i.e. that's how they learn, it's their "business" if you see what I mean. So hiding the screens more often and encouraging them to develop play skills will pay off in the long run. I guess what I'm saying is - no it's not as easy for you or for them to play as it is to watch TV.
But it's important.
Totally agree with this.
I think it's very easy for people to downplay the effort and intentionality that goes into having children who will play independently, parenting without using screens as a distraction, giving in to whatever demands when children say they're bored and are whining. There's often an unspoken assumption that "wholesome" parents wake up in the morning with countryside on their doorstep, endless free time to go on nature walks, and magically well behaved children.

The impact of tech on children is coming out, many tech things are designed to hook adults (and we have longer attention spans than children). Some parents seem to kid themselves that their children have a special gift that makes them unaffected by things that have been deliberately designed to be addictive.

It says a lot about how we view parenting when choosing to engage with young children rather than stick a screen in front of them is considered something "wholesome" like it's unusual, requires frolicking through fields, and baking your own sourdough. Really it's just choosing to not had your toddlers and young children a device when you want a minute's peace.

Just get rid of the iPads. You will not regret it. I’m not sure if my 4yo has ever seen one. We get through long car rides (as in 12+ hours as both sets of grandparents live in different countries) with audiobooks. When our we talk, play games (e.g. I Spy).
FB groups such as ScreenStrong Families are very helpful.
The only on-demand TV we have is iPlayer.
If you want them to have a wholesome childhood you have to put the effort into creating it.

Omg I think this is the best comment on here. Start where you are, make wholesome what you already have. Make it cosy and intentional. Absolutely love this.

Sorry I meant to quote the comment recommending making tv and movies wholesome with tickets, blankets etc!! Not sure how I managed to not quote it.

We are the opposite and very much not in line with the norm in that our kids (middle & older primary and young secondary age) don't do tech at all really yet. I've just never given them tablets or games consoles and they've never asked for them either so it's been easy. I'm not smug about this as I get loads of other stuff wrong with parenting but this is one thing I feel really strongly that I've got right (for us). They do watch TV / films but it's occasional and not something they are very bothered about, they prefer to play outside. We are very lucky in that we live on a farm and they have huge amounts of freedom to roam and so they are all very much into nature and sport. I hope it stays like this as they become teenagers but who knows! The downside of having such sporty children is that they often have fixtures and competitions at weekends when previously we would have gone to lovely national trust places or on long walks up mountains. Those activities are now confined to holidays more or less, which is a shame.

My kids love a Macdonald's but it's a rare treat as we live in the back of beyond and there aren't many around. I'm quite happy to say no to them though if I don't want them to have something like that. In your situation with such young children I honestly would just go cold turkey on the tech and remove it completely and they'll forget about it soon enough and want to come and play with you outside!

Yes I very much feel like this. I have a 13 year old and a 4 year old. And I feel the difference between them at this age, because when eldest was little it wasn’t like now (I sound ancient!) eg no on demand services so readily available etc.
last year I discovered 1000 hours outside, and it has changed the way I parent tbh and has made me feel much better about the screen time she does have. The eldest I have very little control over now 😂 but yeah, last year she hit 1000 hours outside by November 1st!!! This year due to the rain I expect it will be later unless we spend lots of time from now outside each day. But we average between 1 and 3 hours most days outside now. And more when the weather is better, yesterday we did 5.5 hours outside. Look into it and see if it’s your bag.
if also recommend stuff to play with outside, or even just take stuff out, ie have a story time outside, a snack outside etc. because once outside they would hopefully get playing, and when they want to come in to watch it’s ok to say no not yet. Negotiate and say, not yet but in 30 minutes we can. First let’s play x and it might be they get distracted past the 30 minutes anyway. Especially at their ages.
but no you’re not alone. ❤️

Thank you for starting this thread. I have a 5 year old and feel like I have already ruined everything. She is utterly addicted to tv, and while we do go out every day, the second we are home all she wants is tv. I have been feeling horribly down about it, but this thread has given me hope!!

It shouldn’t be normal. I work with 1-3 year olds, and most of their parents don’t let them have screens. If so very limited. Sounds like op has already given up a bit.

No it doesn't. The OP has engaged really enthusiastically with this thread, which has mostly managed to be encouraging and not overly judgemental.

As someone who works with small children, did you have any advice to add or...?

What's preventing you from taking things into your own hands and changing their habits? We live in a built up area, but there are plenty of local parks and woodland within walking distance. Granddaughter, who is five, rarely asks for TV these days as she's got so used to being outdoors she finds it boring. During lockdown, like millions of children, she was forced to be indoors and the playgrounds were shut. My dog was still alive then, so I used to take her with me on a 3 mile walk with me and the pooch every morning. That was it for outdoor time. Once things opened up, we made a conscious effort to get her out every day and she soon forgot Peppa, Paw Patrol, Coco Melon etc. Pack some sandwiches, go on a bug hunt, take a ball. Fresh air also tires them out. Win/Win.

Yes - one of my biggest regrets is introducing technology

DD had a pretty wholesome childhood. Now at 13 she's surly, rude, angry, a screen addict and point blank refuses to do anything as a family. Life is a fucking nightmare. Once the hormones hit its luck of the draw to be honest. Don't stress too much. What will be will be in the teenage years.

Every. Single. Day :(

Sounds like steps in the right direct! Ask your parents to stop buying those books. This will have me roasted on here I think, but we ban those books created from TV shows. If grandparents get them kids read them once and then they go straight in the bin. The first few times grandparents were horrified but they quickly learned. This was the final straw as they kept ignoring the request.

Limit tv with a timer, limit the things that enable constantly more like YouTube. Say the iPad is broken and take it away. Mine love water play in the garden if you have one, things like pouring water into buckets or gardening while I do jobs.

This is a battle for me too by the way - I also already wish that their childhood were more wholesome, but these are the steps I've tried to take.

Say no to the iPad and turn the tv off. Cook meals for them - plenty quick and easy kids friendly recipes available. Insist they get their coats on to do sth outside. Voila, folks fed it got you. Yes it’s tiring but it’s not forever. Drink plenty water and eat well and you’ll feel fine.

Oops!
voila, fixed it for you.

The people saying 'well get them outside and don't let them have McDonalds then' obviously have an ideal life because it does not work that way for most of us 😂

My now teens DC were also on iPads far too much when they first came out, but when they were approx 7 & 9, DH and I sat down with them and explained that iPad time was going to be limited going forward: they could go on them in the morning before school once they were dressed/breakfast/ teeth etc was done and this definitely made them more organised and quicker to be ready in the morning. Then 5-7pm every evening (with dinner being somewhere in that time too). Seven years on and they still stick to these rules, you’ve just got to be firm from the beginning. If you want to do jobs then stick the TV on instead.

I definitely sympathise. DH and I are very outdoorsy and active and would be outside much more than we are ideally BUT I was not like this as a child. I was quiet and shy and liked to draw and paint in my room. So I try to remember this when my 7 year old won't go near his bike. We are trying lots of different activities and I'm adapting my expectations and what we do to more closely match my sons interests. If you can let them try lots of different things to see what else they might enjoy other than screens and outdoorsy stuff. Also be kind to yourself. When my kids were that age I was in survival mode and I struggled to be proactive that often!