Why are gender roles viewed negatively?

[reddragon7]

I read and see so many threads and real life examples, where men and women feel the need to be “equal.” The man about to become a father, refuses to become the main earner, even when he has the means, and insists that his wife also work and contribute financially. Doesn’t this seem imbalanced to anyone, and that society is being brainwashed to accept this as the norm.

I have nothing against a woman wishing to work post-children, however, I don’t understand why society and some men put pressure on their wives to work, if she would rather stay home with the children. This has now become and expectation. If a woman is contributing financially, it is never really 50/50, as she is also doing most of the domestic work.

People condemn gender roles as though they are ancient, but seem to forget that, biologically and psychologically, women are naturally better caregivers to children. They are the ones pregnant, produce all these hormones, and better equipped to raise a child than a man. Of course, there are exceptions, but as a general fact, people seem to ignore this.

In view of all this, I believe more men should offer to be financial providers, giving women the option to not work after children, as childcare costs aren’t exactly saving them much anyway. Otherwise, it feels we are moving away from our gender roles, which may actually be more helpful in a marriage, than people make out.

Well, just as you have your own strong opinions of wanting to share all roles and responsibilities. I am a uni graduate in a professional healthcare career. So I have my own income. However, in marriage, I would still feel more comfortable taking on a more traditional role - doesn’t mean it’s “ a weird fetish,” which is exactly my question - what’s wrong with that viewpoint of mine. I am not slandering others for having a different preference. I even repeated that whatever arrangement works for you is fine. But why are these roles viewed so negatively? I don’t see anything wrong in wanting to be provided for by a man, if he has the means to.

You went to all that effort to obtain your qualifications. Does it not seem ludicrous to throw a hand grenade into your career by not returning to it for many years?

Or would you expect a man to support you forever more?

My baby goes to nursery full time. I'm still making plenty of memories for myself and I haven't missed any firsts so far. 😂

Did your husband miss out on early memories and firsts? That's a shame.

So, @reddragon7 why do you hold these opinions? You might not feel a need to have evidence for them, but is there a reason?

If you want a relationship dynamic with 'traditional gender roles' - 'traditional' in what society/culture? And what's appealing about that to you, to the extent that you want to debate or discuss it online?

What about the negatives of 'traditional' gender roles, have you factored those in to your opinions?

OP, nobody is saying that it's wrong to want what you want. What is wrong is that thinking your preferences are equivalent to some sort of right. Traditional set-ups will only work if they suit both halves of a couple. You are in favour of choice for women, but you don't seem to think that men should be entitled to have preferences of their own. I'm really curious as to what you think men stand to gain from marriage that would make it worth them taking on this lifelong financial burden commitment.If they pledge to make adequate financial provision (à la Austen) for their wives, what would their wives be reasonably expected to pledge in return?Presumably you think there is something in marriage to make it appealing to men? Otherwise why would they bother?

I guess I just feel more comfortable in a family environment. I don’t enjoy working too much, and would prefer to work from home, as I have other interests outside of my degree. I guess I would prefer to focus on childcare full -time. As I said, I genuinely have nothing against women who wish to work. Genuinely whatever they’re comfortable with is good for them - just that it seems the choice to not want to, isn’t supported by many anymore. Even I don’t want to give up work forever - and still have prospects I am open to through rest of my life as many aims i wish to achieve. However, ultimately, I would prioritise being a homemaker by choice.

People have answered why many, many times now. Yet you just keep repeating why.

Why does society need to support the choice? The only person who needs to support the choice is the man.

Well, you had best seek out a husband who wants a little woman at home, then, OP, and who has the financial means to pay for it.

Good luck with that.

Out of interest, what would you say to a man who decided that he didn't like working too much and that he felt more comfortable staying at home? Would he just be expected to suck it up so that his wife could be kept on the manner she was accustomed to?

Why is it "a little woman at home" though?

A man can see the benefit of having a wife at home, without it being sexist.

I guess I always find it intriguing. My family are not from a British background, so I come from a background where it is normal for traditional set ups and realised it’s very rare, or even seen as odd in the UK. I guess to me, it seemed fair, as it allows the woman the relax in her home and not have financial pressure. And in my experience, women have enjoyed this better.

Just to add, my parents have not ingrained this into me. As we have all been given a good education and are working professionals among my siblings. So they like that I have my own career. Even I held the view that modern roles are better, up until a a few years ago, I realised I am strongly in favour of traditional roles, whilst retaining the woman’s right to work.

I feel it gives women the option to work or stay at home, without financial pressure.

Well, if he sees the benefit, he can pay for it.

This would be a clear cut conversation before marriage, with regards to the financial expectations. Of course, if circumstances change I would support that, like affordability, redundancy for husband etc

Why is it fair that a women can relax without financial pressure but the men get the pressure ?

How hard do you think giving birth is ?

So married hetrosexual mothers get to stay home and look after their children, but unmarried ones don't, or lesbian mothers. Because apparently the children of unmarried mothers and lesbians don't need that caring and nurturing that is so vital for the children of married hetrosexual mothers.

It’s an open floor discussion, and I like knowing others perspectives - I didn’t expect people to be outraged basically 😂 people were even shocked at original post.

So OP, does your husband not make enough for you to do what you want to do then essentially? And you're resentful of this?

So what "rights" would you be offering up to the man in this situation?

If the wife gets the right to relax at home and work as much or as little as she pleases, what rights does the man get in return for providing this financial sponsorship? What's the deal, exactly?

Or do you think women are the only ones who should gain extra rights on marriage? If so, can you explain why you think that's fair?

Yes, that's true.

I suppose it's a moot point anyway, because if both parties agree to a traditional set up, the DH wouldnt expect his wife to be off out working all hours, when he could provide a decent standard of living from his wage.

Absolutely not. As I said multiple times above. This situation does not apply to me. I come from a background where a traditional set up is normal is marriage, so was fascinated by the opposition.

Or maybe she is struggling to find a man who is willing to take on his side of the bargain in the absence of any clear benefits to himself?

It’s not a set up I would personally want, but each to their own. Even so, I think a woman should still have that right to provision in marriage. Again, this is subject to the man’s affordability.

So you want to marry rich and be able to stay home and think you have a right to it, that's the crux of this isn't it, you're banging on about biology nonsensically to try and justify the fact you just don't want to work (even though you do)?

jeez, all these assumptions just because I have a preference for expectations in marriage 😂again, not true, as this doesn’t apply to me.

So OP if you think you have a god given right to it, and think you would be the better parent, why aren't you living that life?