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Why are gender roles viewed negatively?

866 replies

reddragon7 · 04/04/2023 20:32

I read and see so many threads and real life examples, where men and women feel the need to be “equal.” The man about to become a father, refuses to become the main earner, even when he has the means, and insists that his wife also work and contribute financially. Doesn’t this seem imbalanced to anyone, and that society is being brainwashed to accept this as the norm.

I have nothing against a woman wishing to work post-children, however, I don’t understand why society and some men put pressure on their wives to work, if she would rather stay home with the children. This has now become and expectation. If a woman is contributing financially, it is never really 50/50, as she is also doing most of the domestic work.

People condemn gender roles as though they are ancient, but seem to forget that, biologically and psychologically, women are naturally better caregivers to children. They are the ones pregnant, produce all these hormones, and better equipped to raise a child than a man. Of course, there are exceptions, but as a general fact, people seem to ignore this.

In view of all this, I believe more men should offer to be financial providers, giving women the option to not work after children, as childcare costs aren’t exactly saving them much anyway. Otherwise, it feels we are moving away from our gender roles, which may actually be more helpful in a marriage, than people make out.

OP posts:
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TearsforBeers · 05/04/2023 17:53

Sorry posted too soon.....

Why should women who are not undertaking childcare have the right to be provided for financially?

Mycathatesmecuddling · 05/04/2023 17:53

reddragon7 · 05/04/2023 15:54

Either way, the first link is recent.

I understand times have changed, biology doesn’t change though,

If biology doesn't change I guess we all still have hysterical wombs wandering around our body

Of course, feminism these days will strive to deny biology

Have you actually wandered over to the feminist board nowadays. One of the things they are absolutely striving to do is not deny biology. There are feminists or people who call themselves feminists who deny biology, but I think coming on MN to make a claim like that quite frankly shows you haven't got a clue what feminism looks like on MN

ShodanLives · 05/04/2023 17:56

TearsforBeers · 05/04/2023 17:31

And yes, I do I hold the belief that it’s a right for wives, and was wondering why people seem to be against it.

Wives in general? Or only wives with young children?
What about couples that aren't married?

What if both wives in a same-sex marriage both want to blame that right? Could be awkward.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

TearsforBeers · 05/04/2023 17:57

What if both wives in a same-sex marriage both want to blame that right? Could be awkward.

Doesn't count apparently....... only applies in couples than include a man!

Lesbians need to fend for themselves 🤷🏼‍♀️

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/04/2023 17:59

The OP's world view doesn't appear to extend to same sex couples.

My guess is that her opinions stem from some sort of weird religious ideology.

bossonext · 05/04/2023 18:02

reddragon7 · 05/04/2023 17:34

Honestly, yes - wives in general. I am not speaking for couples who are unmarried, but as a marital right - wives should have that security. That despite their own earnings/savings etc - they also have the right to be provided for. Of course, this depends on the man’s circumstances and affordability. But as a general perspective, I think this is a good thing.

So as soon as woman gets married (but only if its to a man, she should just give up work for good?

As has been pointed out, the societies who encourage this don't tend to be the ones known for their respect for women.

Holly60 · 05/04/2023 18:02

snowbellsxox · 04/04/2023 21:11

No I get what you are saying, where she may not need to necessarily work but he wants her to even though she would maybe prefer to be at home raising the child.
I study child phycology, it's not all about doing it to be stable and secure without a man .. it's a strange view I don't expect my husband to walk out on me any day now we can't live thinking like that ..
more to the point it is beneficial for child to be with parent until three years of age

But I think we've moved away from an assumption that a woman will stay at home and a man will go out to work full time.

There is more choice for both partners. What it does mean is that conversations need to be had.

A man is absolutely entitled to express a desire not to have the pressure of being the sole earner. A woman is totally entitled to express a desire to retain her career and not take on the domestic drudgery on her own.

This increased choice means however that couples need to communicate with each other and respect the needs of the other.

A husband putting pressure on his wife to either stay at home or return to work without listening to what she wants is obviously wrong. But it's not a problem that requires us to return to 'gender roles' to solve. If a woman feels her husband is pressuring her in any direction without listening to her wants or needs, she now has more options than she would have done in the past.

If a couple's views on how they want to split their roles are totally incompatible, it may be that they would be better apart.

When a couple is willing to listen to each other, respect each others desires and needs, and compromise accordingly, there is no need for ascribed gender roles.

reddragon7 · 05/04/2023 18:09

bossonext · 05/04/2023 18:02

So as soon as woman gets married (but only if its to a man, she should just give up work for good?

As has been pointed out, the societies who encourage this don't tend to be the ones known for their respect for women.

Nooo, I am not saying she should give up work after marriage. Just that after marriage, she should have the right to provision, according to the man’s affordability.

OP posts:
StopGrowingPlease · 05/04/2023 18:10

I believe every mother should have the choice to be a stay at home mum. It is such an important role to have and the first five years of a child’s life are so important to their development and their future outcomes!! I will never understand how anyone could willingly put their child in nursery full time and miss out on all of those firsts and early memories with their child. But then, I’ve worked in nurseries and I don’t trust them 🤷‍♀️

TearsforBeers · 05/04/2023 18:11

Nooo, I am not saying she should give up work after marriage. Just that after marriage, she should have the right to provision, according to the man’s affordability.

BUT WHY????

digshallow · 05/04/2023 18:12

Because I think, ultimately, women end up sharing most of the childcare and domestic load.

So what if a man does do half or most of the childcare and domestic load?

reddragon7 · 05/04/2023 18:13

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/04/2023 17:59

The OP's world view doesn't appear to extend to same sex couples.

My guess is that her opinions stem from some sort of weird religious ideology.

Lol no, I am not from some weird cult. But I think women should have more financial rights in terms of provision.

OP posts:
bossonext · 05/04/2023 18:13

reddragon7 · 05/04/2023 18:09

Nooo, I am not saying she should give up work after marriage. Just that after marriage, she should have the right to provision, according to the man’s affordability.

That sounds like your saying she should give up work after marriage.

And if the man says no I don't want to pay for you for the rest of our life's, then what?

monsteramunch · 05/04/2023 18:13

@reddragon7

Nooo, I am not saying she should give up work after marriage. Just that after marriage, she should have the right to provision, according to the man’s affordability.

We're living in 2023, not a Jane Austen novel.

Antiquiteas · 05/04/2023 18:14

reddragon7 · 05/04/2023 17:10

I know exactly what I’m talking about. I admit, one of the links has been as oversight, as I said I was in middle of sleep, and it’s not a topic I have extensively researched scientifically. But seemed like common sense from real life stories.

In what way have I been prejudiced by stating that traditional roles can be advantageous?

Oh I see, you’re still sleeping?

😆

People don’t think you’re daft entirely because of what you’ve said (and changed), it’s mainly the way you’ve conducted yourself on here.

reddragon7 · 05/04/2023 18:14

digshallow · 05/04/2023 18:12

Because I think, ultimately, women end up sharing most of the childcare and domestic load.

So what if a man does do half or most of the childcare and domestic load?

It’s not a set up I would personally want, but each to their own. Even so, I think a woman should still have that right to provision in marriage. Again, this is subject to the man’s affordability.

OP posts:
bossonext · 05/04/2023 18:14

digshallow · 05/04/2023 18:12

Because I think, ultimately, women end up sharing most of the childcare and domestic load.

So what if a man does do half or most of the childcare and domestic load?

Don't me silly, men are incapable of the most basic chores, it's only women's brains who can handle that.

reddragon7 · 05/04/2023 18:15

Antiquiteas · 05/04/2023 18:14

Oh I see, you’re still sleeping?

😆

People don’t think you’re daft entirely because of what you’ve said (and changed), it’s mainly the way you’ve conducted yourself on here.

I think people just strongly disagree with me, each to their own. I haven’t changed my opinions.

OP posts:
ShodanLives · 05/04/2023 18:16

reddragon7 · 05/04/2023 18:14

It’s not a set up I would personally want, but each to their own. Even so, I think a woman should still have that right to provision in marriage. Again, this is subject to the man’s affordability.

Still not sure how that works if they're both woman. They both stay at home doing chores until oops we can't afford food and rent anymore.

midgemadgemodge · 05/04/2023 18:17

The whole point of Jane Austin novels was how stupid and restrictive and sexist the status quo was

Antiquiteas · 05/04/2023 18:18

Why on earth wouldn’t you want a man to share half the domestic load, OP?

Is it possible you are harbouring a ‘trad wife’ fetish??

Also please stop saying ‘provision’, like a poster said it sounds very Austen.

reddragon7 · 05/04/2023 18:18

ShodanLives · 05/04/2023 18:16

Still not sure how that works if they're both woman. They both stay at home doing chores until oops we can't afford food and rent anymore.

I am only talking about dynamics in heterosexual marriages.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/04/2023 18:18

reddragon7 · 05/04/2023 18:09

Nooo, I am not saying she should give up work after marriage. Just that after marriage, she should have the right to provision, according to the man’s affordability.

Out of interest, what rights do you think men should get from marriage? Or is it only one way?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/04/2023 18:21

So you're not from a cult, you say. Are you religious, OP?

Dacadactyl · 05/04/2023 18:21

I totally agree with you OP.

I wouldn't want to have to be working when the kids were small (and didnt). We had no family locally and we didn't want anyone else looking after them anyway. I like working PT now in a flexible role where I can still do the school drop offs/pick ups and go to any school events.

I think if I had to work FT I'd be stressed to the hilt (and I have a good, supportive husband who still does some housework)

The only way I'd work FT is if he went part time, but then that wouldn't be my cup of tea either.