Sons dad fractured 3 of my sons ribs

[lockdownmummax]

Looking for advice,

Long one, on Wednesday morning I noticed my baby was unsettled and had a cut on his ear, he was grunting and I noticed a bruise on his hand, I took him to GP and she called social services, we where referred to hospital for suspected child abuse, I really thought some sort of freak accident happened, I never suspected my then partner ( sons dad ) at the time at all, however scans revealed 3 fractured ribs, on Saturday my sons dad told me he thinks he's done this out of a moment of frustration as he couldn't settle our son... he squeezed him, we told the police, the police arrested him yesterday morning, he is out and waiting to give another statement and charges

However social services have informed me today I am not aloud to be around my 2 children unsupervised, they will stay with my mum, I can't take them home or anything I am devestated as I haven't done this and told the police when my sons dad told me,

I am also struggling to come to terms with this as my sons dad is not an aggressive person and really never suspected this, anyone know what will happen with social services will I get to take my children home eventually

Just a reminder that when people are in shock after a traumatic experience they often don't exhibit the reactions others deem appropriate. It's all too easy to think we know how we would react - luckily, most of us will never have to find out.

So could people quit jumping on OP. She is going through hell.

She probably doesn't.

But it isn't unknown for abusers to still have contact

Oh OP, what a horrible shock for you. As your DD's dad was so awful I can see how you would trust this guy who has never shown you an aggressive side - only for him to turn around and nearly kill your baby! How awful for you all.

You've done exactly the right things so far. You took your baby to the GP because you had nothing to hide. You told the police as soon as this guy admitted what he'd done. You've spoken to a lawyer and you've made sure that he can't get back in your house.

You've been very strong so far, and the worst part is nearly over - the shock will wear off, your baby will recover and if you show SS that you continue to put your children first then the SS investigation will likely bring the children back to you. Just keep going. Don't minimise or excuse his behaviour, and do whatever you're asked by SS. Your future isn't going to look like you expected, but you can still be happy and safe with your lovely children. Good luck!

Oh op I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this. You must be going through an absolute turmoil of emotions.

I really hope, with your mom’s help, you can all get through this and be together again and get this man out of all of your lives.

Oh op this is so awful, your poor baby. Poor you too, it is very clear you’re deeply shocked by what’s happened. It’s also clear that you are very willing and able to put your children first.

I hope your baby boy recovers quickly and his shit of a father gets what he deserves.

OP Tell S/S, the Police and anyone else involved that you hope he is never allowed access to your children again, insist he has no contact whatsoever. Has he hurt your other children ?

They have done the right thing. Sorry, but in all too many cases the other partner suspects and turns a blind eye. I’m not saying you have but the children are always innocent. Horrific, sad post to read and I hope your baby gets better.

At this point, there can be no question whatsoever of this man ever being around the children again.

This means you are going to have to cut him out of your life completely. It should be easy, right? You may think an 11 week old baby is a fragile little being who could break easily, but it takes a huge amount of force to break bones. This man could have killed your baby in a fit of rage when he lost a sense of control over the crying.

I would take the time now to pack every single thing he owns that is in your house and make it clear to social services that his stuff has gone and your relationship is over. The stuff can be dumped in some park where he can go and pick it up, or his mother can. Do not go near him, and do not speak to him about the arrangement wrt the stuff. Maybe your mother could send a message to his mother about it. You must not make contact yourself. You have to cut this man off.

You can expect this man to try to blame you for what he did when the potential consequences of his monstrous deed become apparent. He'll probably claim he was protecting you when he first spoke to the police. There is only your word against his for the admission he made to you on Saturday.

From here on, your life will be conducted with the oversight of social services. I urge you to engage with them and jump through whatever hoops they require of you. You need to male sure you're really feeling the revulsion toward this man that he deserves - there are no extenuating circumstances here, and what he did is completely unforgivable. You have to turn your back on him and never look around again.

You need to take some initiative here too. Call Women's Aid 0808 2000 247 and make arrangements to do the Freedom Programme.

This comment is absolutely vile.

OP clearly means he has shown no signs of aggression prior to this incident - hence why she is so shocked at.

She has no idea how to look after or protect them? At the first sign of her baby being in distress, she took the baby to the GP. She then co-operated with SS and Police and contacted officers as soon as the father of her child made admissions to harming the baby. She has since moved in with her mother to be with her children and demanded the keys to the home back from the baby's father.

You do not get to decide who is and is not allowed to have children. Nothing in this woman's post suggests she is anything but a loving, caring mother.

You are a victim blamer and I hope your comment gets you banned so you can't spout your disgusting opinion anymore. She is clearly in a vulnerable position and you are kicking someone when they are down - for no valid reason either.

I've reported your post because you are vile.

The case I mentioned earlier with the injured baby had no previous known risks. No DV, no alcohol or drug concerns, nothing at all.

Your poor, tiny baby, OP!!

Do you know how much force it takes to fracture/break their bones? Baby bones are bendy so it takes more force to break them. It's unimaginable that anyone could do that to an 11 week old.

He is a monster, plain and simple.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Make sure SS know that you are putting him out and ask them what legal steps you need to take to keep him away.

Thank God you got your little one to the hospital.x.

I think because a lawyer has told her this might happen if the courts rule for it.

Why are you thinking in terms of access, when the man nearly killed your baby???

She said ‘if’ he is allowed access. It isn’t up to the OP but the court. The courts are notorious for handing children over to abusive fathers.

OP get a good lawyer who stands up for your baby. Maybe someone knowledgeable will come on.

@Redebs I think you need to go back and read OP's posts a bit more carefully! She DID tell the police as soon as she knew. She DIF take baby to GP first then referred on to hospital. Stop having a go at her for your lack of reading comprehension

She called the police on him as soon as she knew it was him. She got the police to get his keys. She has spoken to a lawyer. Her actions speak loud and clear about her intentions and resolve. Your problem is that she doesn't sound angry enough for you?

OP as others have stated here, you need to co-operate with SS even if you feel some of their requirements are unnecessary or irrelevant to your situation. Their primary object is to protect your children and they need to be very very sure you were not involved in the abuse, even if your ex claims responsibility.
This is procedure so don’t get too defensive.
Basically my assessment just from your account is that for whatever reason you are a poor judge of character and have lie expectations of your partners. You felt your ex was not aggressive although he had threatened you in the past with taking custody of your baby and he obviously has anger management problems.
However you can learn to be alert to danger signals, to increase your self esteem and expectations. You may be asked to undertake a parenting course which might seem to you unnecessary but allow SS to see you are willing to learn and you may benefit from the company of the other mothers.
Dont panic, you’ve taken the right actions and the second aim of SS is to restore children to safe loving parents.

OP what is your mum’s house like for you? Is it a place where you feel safe and supported?

You’ve mentioned wanting to get home with your babies to your own house. And I’m guessing the unwritten part of that sentence is “where I can keep them safe and heal, and this nightmare will be over”

But right now your need for your safe space is trumped by your dc’s need. Being at your dm’s will hopefully be a help to you, giving you the extra practical support and also moral support so you don’t lapse and allow your partner back. It makes it that much harder for him to try and force or cajole you. Lean into that support for now.

You need a time and space to focus and process and this time while your dc are with your dm might be exactly the support and help that you need. Try and see the positive in it.

But sometimes the seeds of our attraction to violent or abusive partners begins in childhood. If your mum isn’t a supportive character to you, do you have friends or other relatives who you can talk to? You have a lot to process and you need at least one person who believes in you and has your back.

Make it clear when you’re dealing with social workers that your dc being safe is your absolute top priority - not getting home, not your desire for unsupervised access. You can prove to them that the dc will be safe with you but always show willing to sacrifice whatever it takes for their safety.

The freedom program was mentioned earlier and it’s worth a look when you’re ready.

Sorry minor question, but is it “allowed” or “aloud”? I’m questioning if I’ve been using the wrong word all my life 😟

100% this!

This thread has brought out both the best and worst of mumsnet!

@lockdownmummax you're not responsible for his actions, only your own and it's clear from your op and updates that you've done, and are continuing to do, everything you can under such horrible stressful circumstances.

As @juniper16 said:
It's easy for people to say about your now ex partner but lots of parents / adults without warning lose patience and harm babies, heartbreaking, not as rare as you think.

Sadly yes, and dare I say it, some good people who are struggling, and who aren't monsters, snap and make the worst life changing decision under stress In these situations. I'm not excusing or saying his actions are ok, just that life is not as black and white, and easy as some people seem to think!

They’re probably men…

OP - just to reiterate what other people have said (although some twits seem incapable of reading the whole thread, and haven't, or have their own agendas).

• YOU HAVE DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT.
• YOU DIDN'T HAVE SUSPICIONS, AND SO YOU COULDN'T HAVE KNOWN.
• IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. (You haven't said it was, but I am worried that at some level you may be worrying about this).

Big hugs and hope things are good at your mum's. Social services are not idiots, generally, and they will sort things out - they are acting to try to protect your DC.

I presume you saw a lawyer about where you stand with this going forward and splitting with ex etc
It must be hard to hear that even after doing what he has done your ex will still get supervised visits.

There are some posters who have a hard time understanding what is written.

I think babies ribs healing are not the same as adult ribs healing as the bones haven’t fully formed yet.

Some people on here are absolutely mental 🤣 no matter what the OP says you still wont be happy.

💐💐 flowers for you OP x

You're not responsible for the man physically abusing your child.

You acted promptly when you realised what had happened.