Sons dad fractured 3 of my sons ribs

[lockdownmummax]

Looking for advice,

Long one, on Wednesday morning I noticed my baby was unsettled and had a cut on his ear, he was grunting and I noticed a bruise on his hand, I took him to GP and she called social services, we where referred to hospital for suspected child abuse, I really thought some sort of freak accident happened, I never suspected my then partner ( sons dad ) at the time at all, however scans revealed 3 fractured ribs, on Saturday my sons dad told me he thinks he's done this out of a moment of frustration as he couldn't settle our son... he squeezed him, we told the police, the police arrested him yesterday morning, he is out and waiting to give another statement and charges

However social services have informed me today I am not aloud to be around my 2 children unsupervised, they will stay with my mum, I can't take them home or anything I am devestated as I haven't done this and told the police when my sons dad told me,

I am also struggling to come to terms with this as my sons dad is not an aggressive person and really never suspected this, anyone know what will happen with social services will I get to take my children home eventually

@Redebs
I did call the police,
Yes the social services and hospital got the police in to start investigation once fractured ribs came back on X ray ,
I gave a statement on Friday ( at this time I did not know sons dad had done this )
Sons dad told me on Saturday whay he done and I called the police officers dealing with the case and informed them of what had happened.

You need to be making as much distance as possible from him, and your children. No way did a cut ear and bruised hand happen from him squeezing him too hard. He could have left the room, but no instead he nearly killed him!

Speak to a domestic abuse charity or NSPCC they may be able to help navigate how you are feeling and get in place any support or provide advice on how to help you through this . Second speak with social services about what the process is and how will they support you. They can provide you the answer as to when you can go home with your children but rightly so they want to make sure the children are safe. I am relieved to hear they are protecting you and the children as all to often you hear of people taking back an abuser and it ending in tragedy. Take all the support you are offered and try not to rush back home as you will not doubt go through the emotions over the next few weeks. Well done for protecting your children op. It isn't easy but he could have killed your baby

Op, truly sorry your son and you are going through this, have a hug, handhold, all the support I can send you. In a "silver lining" way you've been made aware of your partners temper before you have lost your son, because you'd sadly not be the first mother to have had no idea their baby was in grave danger.

If I read correctly you're allowed to stay with your mum? That's good news and I'm happy you and your family have her.

You've already made the choice, which sadly many women don't, to have your sons father leave.
You're in no way complicit with the abuse and you're showing nothing but willingness to work with SS, I think on that basis it's hugely unlikely they'll be looking to remove your children.
You've followed the guidance given, you sought help for your baby.
Youre proving you're a capable advocate for your children as well as a loving mother who's going to protect them and keep them safe from harm.
You're very brave and strong and even just as some random stranger on the Internet I'm proud of how you're handling this.

I understand that you must be in terrible shock, your ex probably is too, its sadly not rare to hear of parents harming baby's with colic and with that one act, which may have been the most uncharacteristic thing he's ever done, he's lost you and his family. It's very sad.
But you cannot ever even consider taking him back, your son could have died and nobody can ever say this would be a one off.
I'd put myself down for NHS counselling ASAP, the shock may have sunk in by the time of your appointment and this is a major trauma for you, you might really need a professional perspective and also as pointed out, to look into if there is something that you don't recognise in abusers.

Nothing here is your fault and you're doing very well in these circumstances, just always comply with SS, they're here to protect your children ❤

It is a normal reaction. She's realised what an awful thing this man has done, and is worrying about the possibility of him ever having access again.

Why you and others lack comprehension and are determined to blame OP when she 's doing everything that she should, I simply don't understand.

I'm so sorry that you've posted here for support and although you've done and are doing all the right things, people are abusing you due to their incapability to read and comprehend.

I can't offer advice, but just hope everything turns out well for you and your children. All the very best to you.

just to say, I got hit by a car on a pedestrian crossing once. He was slowing down luckily but I still got hit in the ribs. I only had a tiny crack to one of my ribs and I was hit hard! To break 3 ribs takes quite some force

Oh my god this is awful to read, what a monster.

I'm not 'having a go' at OP

Yes you are @Redebs And you're getting angry with the wrong person here. So far OP has reacted by the book. She's done nothing wrong (though she's already admitted that it seems that she has poor taste in partners, but what's the point in beating her up for that right now, when she's in such an awful situation?)

She needs support right now, not a tirade of posts where MNers haven't bothered reading her posts properly, or are devoid of empathy.

This is incredibly distressing to read. Your poor, poor baby. I’m so glad you have the support of your mum to help you through this difficult time. I hope your baby recovers soon.

I have looked after babies with NAI in hospital. You absolutely must cooperate with social care. That will be the only way to get your children back. They must see that you can keep them safe. Your partner has to move out. And he much not have unsupervised contact. So sorry that you are having to go through this.

He has lied to you. 3 broken ribs, a bruised hand and a cut ear are separate injuries. He could easily have killed your baby.
Get help for you. Ask SS if they will allocate you a SW as you are in shock at what has happened.
Do NOT contact your partner ( ex by now I hope) You might feel like ranting at him — don’t.
Work with SS or you will lose both your children.

Jesus. What sort of force does someone have to use to be able to do that to a baby? Squeezing so hard that he’s broken the baby’s ribs? My good God.

I really hope the little bubba has an easy recovery and feels better soon. His dad should never see him again

Hello OP,
We're so very sorry to read what happened and we're sorry to jump in unannounced. But we thought it best to remind everyone that you are seeking advice and support about a very difficult, heartbreaking situation, and to bear this in mind when responding. If we see posts that don’t fit with this, we will most likely delete them. Posters who continually break our Talk Guidelines may have their accounts suspended and this is something we would rather avoid doing.
Wishing you the very best OP 💐
MNHQ

To everyone having a go at her for asking about access - she's probably asking about access because she is worried about it!

To be honest she has some reason to worry, family courts will sometimes try to give at least supervised access, even to abusive partners and sometimes contrary to police and social services. HOWEVER, this incident is so blatant that is incredibly unlikely in this case.

Good luck OP x

Thankyou @PipMumsnet . Your intervention was very much needed.

So in your opinion...

She SHOULD be full of anger for this cunt whilst being desperately worried for her baby

But after being told that the cunt with whom she's angry may be granted access to the baby she's desperately worried for she SHOULDN'T think about it?

I mean, that's really very specifically prescriptive.

How old is your daughter,you mention toddler. The serious red flags for ss will be moving very quickly from one abusive man to another. You need to be proactive in showing that you will change to protect your dc. Formally end things with your partner, if the home is rented get him removed from tenancy, apply for a non mol and do the freedom program, do not wait for ss to tell you what to do they are looking for you to take the initiative to prove you can act to protect them.

And OP also if you haven't already, please get in touch with a DV service for the Freedom Program and counselling for your previous relationship and to process all of this. 💐

What did you get out of posting this?

Probably risking a ban here but I can't work out what the fuck kind of person would actively chastise a mother in this situation. Nasty, vile behaviour. You are disgusting.

I'm so sorry you and your children are going through this. Just do everything SS ask of you. The are letting you stay at your mums with your DC so it sounds like they believe what you have said.

This was my thought too to be honest. "Will" implies that you haven't physically or mentally left him yet.

Those three injuries are unlikely to have some from a single incident. I wouldn't even be entertaining the idea of him having any access at this time. He felt frustrated, so took it out on a defenceless child to the extent that he's broken his bones. I'm sure this is all a horrible shock for you, but social services would be absolutely right to safeguard your kids by refusing you access to them if you remain connected to this man in any way.