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Original poster

Husband pushed 4 year old over who fell and banged his head

372 replies

Wishbub · 20/03/2023 17:54

Not sure this is the right page, but i really don't know what to do. Husband has a bad temper which mainly results in shouting and some hitting of our 4 year old. Today was the worst, my son fell and banged his head, he now had a large lump on the back of his head.

I told my husband that this is physical abuse of a child, which he ridiculed, saying it was just an accident. I told him I have to protect our son, so he's said that he'll kill himself and be out of our way.

I'm currently breast feeding a small baby and feeling incredibly unwell, I don't know what to do...

OP posts:
Canthave2manycats · 20/03/2023 19:25

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/03/2023 19:08

I hope the OP is not replying because they're busy speaking to the police and taking the child to get checked out.

Could people avoid confidently stating to the OP that her abusive partner will not kill himself though - whilst people who make threats like this to manipulate others are unlikely to do it, they can, and they do, sometimes.

Living with the knowledge that they did it is tough, raising the child of someone who told you that they'd kill themselves if you did/didn't... whatever... thats REALLY tough stuff.

That doesn't mean that you bend to their will and allow them to manipulate you though.

It simply means that EVERY. SINGLE. TIME they make this threat, you inform police that this person is a danger to themselves.

Suicide is entirely, 100% the choice of the person who does it - no one elses. As long as you've informed emergency services, you have no responsibility for what they choose to do. (Even if you didn't... you almost certainly still wouldn't, but if they DO do it... its a lot easier to handle knowing you did the right thing).

I doubt very much he will harm himself - he's an abusive, sick coward who is using this tactic to manipulate and frighten the OP. He wouldn't be much of a loss anyway, would he, let's face it!

JuneOsborne · 20/03/2023 19:29

Oh op. You have a mountain to climb, whatever happens. Either he will kill one of you, your children will be removed from the both of you, or you will leave him and take your kids to safety as far away from him as possible.

Action is required. Phone someone. Police, family, a friend. Get some irl support now tell someone the truth. It starts with telling the truth.

Ludo19 · 20/03/2023 19:29

OP my FIRST memory is of my dad splitting my head off the twintub when he "threw" me off him. I was almost 3. I ended up being rushed to casualty and ended up with 10 stitches. He continued to live with us for another two years. Don't let this be your sons first memories. It affects me and the subsequent actions to this day and I'm in my 40's.

54isanopendoor · 20/03/2023 19:29

Spendonsend · 20/03/2023 18:01

If i understood correctly, i would take myself, the baby and your son to hospital. I would say what happened and ask for their immediate help in contacting police and support services and say you cant go home. etc. If you can pack an overnight bag, id, any cash etc for yourselves do. Otherwise just go.

Good advice.
I'd get a taxi to A&E so your son can be seen for the lump on his head.
Whilst there tell them who caused it, that you are afraid, & need help. NOW.
Hopefully the Police will make him leave your house but meantime your son needs medical attention & you will all be safe at A&E whilst the Police deal with the 'man' who is abusing your son.

MarnieDg · 20/03/2023 19:30

Are you still about OP?

I know it must feel like a lot of pressure but please keep posting.

landbeforegrime · 20/03/2023 19:30

you need to report it to police and/or social services. you need to take your child to a&e and if you want any chance of keeping either children in your care you need to leave him now. staying is a failure to protect. seek any help you need to get over the abuse but realise you are the adult, you are the only one who can protect your children. they will be psychologically as well as physically damaged by this man. harsh but true op, if you don't or can't protect them they shouldn't be in your care (and of course not his). they need to be kept safe with or without you as their primary carer. you risk a criminal conviction as well as your children being removed if you do nothing. good luck and hope you find the strength needed to help your poor babies.

SlightlyJaded · 20/03/2023 19:30

This is going to sound harsh, and I"m sorry - because it's NOT your fault that your H is an abusive bastard, but if.... IF something serious were to happen because of his 'temper' - some responsibility would be with you - both legally and morally.

It's utterly unfair that you have to be the one to put the work in to solve this, but you do. You have to advocate for your children and not be that woman who stood by until real damage was done. I am so so sorry this is happening, but you children are counting on you.

thedogsmum · 20/03/2023 19:32

I'm hoping this is a troll - would someone really just post on mumsnet about this and ignore advice to go to AandE?

Aberdeenusername · 20/03/2023 19:33

Seriously breastfeeding and feeling unwell will be the least of your worries if you’re picking out your sons headstone. This man is a sick bully and it will only get worse. I’m not going to lie reading this has made me feel physically sick. Get that boy checked at the hospital and tell them exactly what has happened and that it’s not the first time. Don’t end up charged with allowing the death of a child.

weirdoboelady · 20/03/2023 19:33

Wishbub · 20/03/2023 18:10

Thank you all, you're right, this has escalated and today it's just really hit home. I really wish he'd pushed me instead of my son. No family nearby and unfortunately my real friends live far away too

You don't need 'real friends' in this situation. Anyone you are casual friends with will do, who live locally. I'm sure anyone would help if you told them the situation. Is there anyone locally you can text?

jays · 20/03/2023 19:34

Why is he still there? Why haven’t you called the police? Why are you still there? I often have every sympathy for complicated situations but not in this case…. He is physically and emotionally your child. Leave him now. There’s zero option unless you agree ok with what he’s done in which case I’m sorry but you’re complicit. If you don’t leave you have every chance of losing your child because you are NOT protecting him.

Whiskeypowers · 20/03/2023 19:35

You need to take the children and leave, report it all or you will risk losing your children.
what he’s done is unforgivable and you must keep those little children safe

you have to make sure your little boy is ok and his he needs to be seen.

ReneBumsWombats · 20/03/2023 19:35

Canthave2manycats · 20/03/2023 19:22

If you are referring to the thread I think you are, the circumstances were night and day different.

This one is so abhorrent, you cannot possibly compare.

Show quote history

See?

And people ask how it can be allowed to continue and escalate. This is how.

jays · 20/03/2023 19:36

Aberdeenusername · 20/03/2023 19:33

Seriously breastfeeding and feeling unwell will be the least of your worries if you’re picking out your sons headstone. This man is a sick bully and it will only get worse. I’m not going to lie reading this has made me feel physically sick. Get that boy checked at the hospital and tell them exactly what has happened and that it’s not the first time. Don’t end up charged with allowing the death of a child.

This! You don’t have time to feel unwell. Get your act together and leave now, for the sake of your child. This isn’t about you, that’s your child and you protect him at all costs.

ReneBumsWombats · 20/03/2023 19:38

thedogsmum · 20/03/2023 19:32

I'm hoping this is a troll - would someone really just post on mumsnet about this and ignore advice to go to AandE?

Yes. People will do anything to downplay child assault if the alternative is confronting some horrible truths about themselves and the people they are invested in.

OP has allowed it to escalate already but I hope to God this thread shows her it can't continue any more and she finally gets herself and her endangered children out of there. But the level of denial people get into over this is unreal.

Maray1967 · 20/03/2023 19:38

Take your DC to A & E and tell the staff what happened and ask for help.
I’m another one sitting here thinking about you and your Dc - you’re the adult, your first job is to protect your DC.
The only acceptable response to his threat is to tell him to leave.

WidthofaLine · 20/03/2023 19:39

Protect your son, this is your duty.

Go to A and E and do not lie about what happened.

Now.

Never give a child abuser another chance.

OCDmama · 20/03/2023 19:40

If he kills himself it solves the problem.

FFS you know what to do - either leave or get him kicked out and change the locks. You're also a child abuser by extension, given that you didn't leave the the first time he hurt your child.

MustWeDoThis · 20/03/2023 19:40

Wishbub · 20/03/2023 17:54

Not sure this is the right page, but i really don't know what to do. Husband has a bad temper which mainly results in shouting and some hitting of our 4 year old. Today was the worst, my son fell and banged his head, he now had a large lump on the back of his head.

I told my husband that this is physical abuse of a child, which he ridiculed, saying it was just an accident. I told him I have to protect our son, so he's said that he'll kill himself and be out of our way.

I'm currently breast feeding a small baby and feeling incredibly unwell, I don't know what to do...

I work in safeguarding - You are aware that keeping your child in a situation where they are being beaten/abused, you know about, have done nothing about it - Can and will see the removal of your child by social services if you do not act now and remove the husband or child from the home? What are you playing at!?

Newuser82 · 20/03/2023 19:40

I really hope your son is feeling ok and I appreciate this must be a dreadful situation for you. Obviously you know this isn't acceptable or indeed normal behaviour. Your son must be scared. I really hope you can find the courage to get your little boy checked over firstly and get yourselves to a place of safety. Does your husband also hit you? Think about where it stops. What would be too much violence as it's pretty likely to escalate. What about when he loses his temper with the baby? It doesn't bear thinking about. I wish you and your babies all the best going forward.

Maray1967 · 20/03/2023 19:41

You do realise that once he’s at school he could tell a teacher what his Dad does and you’ll be in a whole heap of trouble then.
Thats if his father hasn’t already done him a serious injury.
Go to A& E. An injury to the back of the head can be serious. I was told that by a French Dr in A& E years ago. The skull is thinner at the back than on the forehead.

weirdoboelady · 20/03/2023 19:42

Hold on, though. Folks, remember the OP can't help anyone if she is attacked herself. OP, I hope you are thinking of ways to keep yourself safe while you report this and get DS to A & E - that's why I suggested texting. I thought that was obvious, but now realise that lots of people are saying 'just walk out' which might not be a safe thing for you to do. You DO need to involve external services, but do it without alerting DH if you can.

TheWernethWife · 20/03/2023 19:43

MNHQ must have details of the OP, a child is being abused here. Social Services and Police must be involved.

When I left my abusive ex and went to my mothers, his friend came round sayng that my ex was so sorry and so upset that he was going to kill himself. Did he buggery, went on to re-marry and have another family

samqueens · 20/03/2023 19:44

OP - I think you know that ANY hitting of your 4 year old is unacceptable. How old will the new baby be before your husband will be hitting them too? How many times does he have to hit the children before you feel able to protect them?

A&E would be a good idea, just for a check. Also to explain how it happened (the truth) so a report gets made. You may not be able to access help tonight if your H is in the house, so please don’t put yourself or your children in further danger unless you fear for your sons head injury.

If your H is at work tomorrow and your son at school then it’s time to call Women’s Aid, make a police report and call a solicitor.

Do you own a home together or rent? Are you on mat leave or are you a SAHM?

Please don’t let him convince you that his behavior is ok. Your children don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve this - and even if you feel you do, I know you want to keep your babies safe.

If you need help to understand what he is doing and why it’s so hard for you to walk away even in this situation, I really recommend secretly reading the Lundy Bancroft book Why Does He Do That? (you can download online or kindle app).

Please take action so your son knows it’s not ok for daddy to hit him. And, importantly, so he knows YOU don’t think it’s ok.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 20/03/2023 19:45

Your poor little boy, being repeatedly hit by his own father, someone who should protect him and cherish him.

At what age does this thug start slapping your small baby around? Or maybe it's already happening when you are not around.

Seriously OP you are complicit in this. Do something about it now FFS

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