a friend just told me no way could say be a sahm, as its sad to be financially dependent on a man

[robinredbreast]

yes you guessed it im a sahm

eveb if i workd fulltime i wouldnt have nogh mony on my own to pay for everything

she was saying to me about someone else we both know

but my feelings are we[society] are dependent on each other really

even if i did split up with dh, which im sure wont happen, id probably have to claim benefits or something

help me articlate what im trying to say, well if you know what im trying to say

basically that theres many ways we are dependent on others, and financally is just one of them

interesting that there are in fact some people on here who share both work and child/home responsibilities. (that's what dp and I do, and we know at least 5 other families who do the same, so I was surprised no-one in that situation seemed to be showing up here).

comments by a couple of posters about how unusual it is for a woman to be the bigger earner in that arrangement shed some interesting light on this whole debate, methinks.

Surely then the most intelligent choice is to stay at home - nice not to work for a few years, surely? Who wouldn't like time off?
Piece of piss as Hunker says

bugger

I think this all depends on one very important thing - the weather!!

I mean, the last few days have been bliss, walks on the beach, trips to the park - why would i want to be cooped up in work staring out of the window.

On shitty pissy days with bored toddler

It's hard work staying at home if you have no car, crap public transport, no money and 3 kids under 5 at home especially if you have 1 at nursery, by the time i've got anywhere..time to go back and collect them..my time taken up walking backwards and forwards!! I think it's a much harder option to sah and deserve a medal...not taking anything away from those who don't which can be easily trying if you don't drive etc etc... and i know i've been on both sides of the fence..so i'm sat in the middle!!!

Elfriend, don't be hard on yourself. Anyone can be beautiful you know. Just laugh and shake your hair a lot

"is this the five minute arguemnt or the full half-hour?"

I have to do the school run now, will it still be raging when I'm back?

LEM- I do agree. I think I am feeling deliriously happy because we can go to the park and explore again

I don't find being a SAHM a piece of piss, to be honest. Sometimes I don't particularly enjoy it. But when I did go back to full time work I felt physically ill about leaving my son for such long hours. I hated it. On balance, it was better for me to stay at home to save my own sanity. There are days when doing the old softplay-playground-park- routine is mind numbingly shite. But there are more days when I am extremely happy and grateful to be witnessing my son growing up so closely. It's a balance thing, as I said. I learned long ago that there is no 'perfect way' at least for me and my family. Just got to go with the way that causes the least hassle all round.

I think what is hardest depends a lot on your personality and circumstances.

You don't know you're born, you SAHMers.

How is walking about a bit with a pushchair hard?

I did it yesterday.

Piece of piss.

Yeh, the good weather makes it 10 times more pleasurable.

I'm actually being deliberately offensive now.

I've done SAHM, WOHM part and full time and WAHM.

The easiest is WOHM part time.

The hardest is WOHM full time.

For me.

being a SAHM IS a piece of piss, providing you are not on the breadline of course

Actually, its tough on both sides of the fence. Prickles on one side, nettles on the other, trouble is, have you every tried sitting on a fence for too long - you end up with a numb bum

ssshhhh everyone, hunkers boss is on the prowl again, leaves the thread, my arse!

How can people make these sweeping generalisations?

I've also done the full time OHM, part time WOHM and SAHM thing. Also done freelance work from home. All have their ups and downs. How hard you find any of those situations completely depends on circumstances.

What I don't understand is how my decision to be a SAHM has any bearing at all on anyone else?

Honestly the other night I was telling my sister that we had decided it was best for our children if I'm at home until youngest is through reception year at least ... and she took offence .. as though I were insinuating that the way she had raised her children was wrong ... FFS her boys are 19 and 18 .. sheesh!

Message withdrawn

Some jobs are a piece of piss though aren't they? My last job was great. I worked up to 8 months pregnant but did very little. Arrived and left when I liked etc And most MN'ers seem to post from work

I always love to participate in the fiction that I have a choice about it

Though if anyone's DP would like to pay for me to give up work I might be prepared to take the risk....

Mrs Mattie- don't let them draw you in- laugh and swish your hair around-see, that's better isn't it?

Are you taking the piss?@mellow ma. Maybe you find it easy caring for a child full time but I don't. I had a full on managerial job before I had my son, and it was a doddle compared to dealing with a tantruming toddler!

They're just jealous, you know