a friend just told me no way could say be a sahm, as its sad to be financially dependent on a man

[robinredbreast]

yes you guessed it im a sahm

eveb if i workd fulltime i wouldnt have nogh mony on my own to pay for everything

she was saying to me about someone else we both know

but my feelings are we[society] are dependent on each other really

even if i did split up with dh, which im sure wont happen, id probably have to claim benefits or something

help me articlate what im trying to say, well if you know what im trying to say

basically that theres many ways we are dependent on others, and financally is just one of them

all the 'we are interdependent' posters are morally and emotionally right.

morningpaper and kewcumber are right that the moral high ground won't keep you warm and fed if your partner eventually decides to take advantage of the fact that he is, nevertheless, financially independent in a way that the woman who stayed home and facilitated his earning just ain't.

this is how women end up getting shafted, time after time, generation after generation - we fall for the moral and emotional story, forgetting (choosing to ignore?) that it is not identical with the financial one. that's the sad thing, IMO.

i am financially dependant on a man. and comfortable with it

strike me down with a feminist thunderbolt, dammit...

(we do happen to have a whole love and children thing going on tho, so it kind of comes with the package)

Yes Kew, mine is similar.

She worked for some of our growing up, but was always second-in-command to dad's "career" and always had to look after the children - and had to leave jobs after a few months because he was always moving and coming up with new schemes.

After Dad left he married a younger women with a big pension and house. So he is now FINE.

She does occasional bits of work which supplement her income but Mum is now largely dependent on her children now, TBH, although she would hate to admit it. One of my siblings put up the cash so she could buy her bungalow and we pay various bills for her so that the basic state pension that she does get doesn't have to go on bills.

Lol @ virtually catatonic.

Mine actually went into a convent for a few months!

House and land is slightly funny

My mother's shitty one-bed flat in Weston-super-Mare was definitely not

ah you see, when my mum and dad divorced they took 8 years of arguing to sort out who got what... leaving them both with NADA.

now theres equality for you

(still, the lawyers did ok...)

Oh sorry fio
I was being lighthearted

It just sounded funny "house with land"
I didn't mean to offend you

my dh doesnt work 24/7, he does find time to eat and sleep. more like 18/7 i would say.

dont worry fio, i have a house with land now - come on everyone, hate ME, leave fio be

oi snappy
i have responded your your earlier advances...

Goodness me I don't HATE anyone with a house with land!!!
I just thought it was a funny phrase

This is why, if you ARE a SAHM, it is essential to make sure that your children are high-flyers and earn lots of money, so that if you DO become dependent on them in your old age, they won't be lentil-weaving "artists" living on 4oz of quinoa a week in a squat in Norwich...

this is at a complete tangent, but can I ask the people who speak so positively of their mutual interdependence with their partners a question? why do you not act that out in the way you organise your family life by both of you working part-time, both of you looking after the children and home some of the time? that seems to me to be the obvious way of putting what you say into practice.

apologies if some of you do in fact do this - but the posts higher up this thread imply a male breadwinner/female homemaker division.

MP - you SURE you don;t have a sister?!

My dad shacked up with a widow who had her own house so his share of the assets have gone into the bank along with his pension, whereas my mums were swallowed up by buying her flat. My mum does earn some money by selling books online and my sister (AKA morningpaper) gives her a lump sum every year enough to pay for a holiday and a few luxuries.

I know no-one wants to believe it of their marriage but my mum and dad were the closest, most "married" couple you will ever come across it was sent a shock wave around our friends and family that a) he left at all b) he treated her so shabbily.

House with land IS a funny phrase

It sounds like there's a horse and carriage tethered outside

at lentil weaving artists

nope, bloody military bootcamp for my lot, what do you think i had them for??

ah CD, you did? i missed it... [goes to look] oh, and i know you dont hate us landed gentry types

lol Kewcumber unless you are a man in your forties then I am not your sister

Although we do pay for mum to come on holiday although she has to come with us to help with the children

"my father is much better off financially than my mum BUT he is a miserable old fucker and my mum is HAPPY. It makes all the difference " Actually Fio, that is true of us too though it has taken 10 very liong and painful years, that I wouldn't wish ion anyone except my worst enemy, to get there.

My dad apparently moaned that we had all forgotten his 70th birthday. Errmmmm, no didn't forget, just did the same as you have done to all our birthdays for the past 10 years (including my 40th), ignored it. He has NEVER met my lovely DS Tosser.

MP - love the idea of your mum going into a convent. Thankfully it never occured to my mum.

Oops that turned into a bit of a rant against my tosser dad

zazette - i would, but dp earns more in a day (or will when his co takes off) than i could in a month of sundays... so if i work it will be for satisfaction or fun, or like, charidee, but whatever it is, it will be entirely financially irrelevent.

unless i study and do something creative and turn out to be the mutts nuts at it and make a fortune, in which case id happily keep us all and hed happily be kept.

(i spent my youth fucking about being too confused to get any kind of career up and running)

Hahaha my dad sent me a BIRO for my thirtieth and nothing since

I think the lesson here is that you shouldn't be financially reliant on a proven tight-fisted old man

no one will shaft you with a cleaner conscience

zazette - i would, but dp earns more in a day (or will when his co takes off)

I thought this said "Or will when he takes his clothes off"

shocker