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Original poster

a friend just told me no way could say be a sahm, as its sad to be financially dependent on a man

178 replies

robinredbreast · 12/02/2008 12:54

yes you guessed it im a sahm

eveb if i workd fulltime i wouldnt have nogh mony on my own to pay for everything

she was saying to me about someone else we both know

but my feelings are we[society] are dependent on each other really

even if i did split up with dh, which im sure wont happen, id probably have to claim benefits or something

help me articlate what im trying to say, well if you know what im trying to say

basically that theres many ways we are dependent on others, and financally is just one of them

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 12/02/2008 14:30

I missed that comment Twiglet - yes it would have wound me up. For every SAHM mum who has had a comment about her position, there's a WOHM who has comments about "strangers" raising her children.

Wouldn't it be nice if we were all secure enough in our choices not to have to resort to undermining other peoples?

moonstruck · 12/02/2008 14:32

But then I can't sleep if I haven't made love

lucyellensmum · 12/02/2008 14:32

No, ORMIRAN, i want him!!! But he will have to take on DP too, but its OK - he can live in the granny annex, i'll just visit him for sex

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General parenting
hunkermunker · 12/02/2008 14:33

I'm too cross by half in general to be posting anywhere today, really, especially this fucking thread.

OrmIrian · 12/02/2008 14:34

Hey LEM. That's OK. We'll start a commune

MrsMattie · 12/02/2008 14:38

I don't think that many women stay at home for their entire lives these days, though (like some of our mothers/grandmothers did)....or do they? Personally, I don't know a single 'full time housewife' with kids of school age. All the SAHMs I know have under fives, and it is a temporary situation. They will return to study and/or work in the future, but want to care for their young children themselves for the time being. Being a full time housewife when your kids are school age and beyond is a very different situation and I would agree, could leave you financially at risk if your marriage goes tits up (which a third of all marriages do, as we all know...)

BITCAT · 12/02/2008 14:40

I don't think this is an all or nothing thing, i think if you can strike a good balance between the two, all the better. It's nice to go to work at the weekends and spend a bit of time with other people..as i spend all week..24/7 with the kids and dh doesn't so he gets time with them at the weekend!! I do like having my own money and dh is certainly not tight and would give me money if i or the children needed any!! Money certainly means a lot, without it i wouldn't be able to go my little shopping spree that i have planned with friends...because i've lost weight and need a new wardrobe!!! And i do want to give kids an easier life but not too easy, as i had to struggle through and have had to scrimp to get everything i have...was thrown out at 18 and have always fended for myself ever since and i think it has done me some good!! I appreciate the things i have more!!! I don't think any of you need to justify yourselfs to anyone...we are all just doing the best and the hardest job in the world..that is being a mother!!! or a father!!!

Elffriend · 12/02/2008 14:41

zazette - both DH and I decided to work 4 days a week actually. I certainly take the lions share of parenting at weekends (and during the night but each of us pulls our weight overall. That said, DH has just lost his job so everyone is financially depending on me. What are chances d'you think of him being able to get another job 4 days a week? Slim. So, it will be all change. Prepare as much as you can for the worst to happen, but also learn to cross bridges only when you come to them otherwise you will drive yourself mad over every choice you make.

There are no absolutes - I just think that as a couple we need to do all we can to have a contingency in place and do what we hope is the right thing for DS. As a personal choice (not a judgement on any else) I don't think either of us should stay at home because I know how fragile jobs can be and I think it would be barking to lose the safety net. Also, it does not seem fair to me. why should either of us have to carry the whole burden of either breadwinning or childcare?

If DH left me, I could cope financially. I like knowing that - it is important to me. If he left me he'd be skint! .

FairyMum · 12/02/2008 14:42

MrsMattie, I know lots of mums of school age children who stay at home. It can be really hard to find a job which fits around school hours and hard to find childcare for mornings / afternoons /holidays.....

mrsruffallo · 12/02/2008 14:45

I love not going to work!!! Who cares about money? I have parks, rivers, sandpits and I still have my looks if DP decides to leave

hunkermunker · 12/02/2008 14:47

It's a piece of piss to stay at home, in general, though, no?

Elffriend · 12/02/2008 14:47

As an aside and as all threads seem to be merging into one at the moment...I shop at both Tesco and Waitrose. so I'm a bit confused as to which side of the barricade I shohld be. did that one ever get solved?! Besides, I thought mums went to Iceland?

lucyellensmum · 12/02/2008 14:48

Great idea ORM, in fact, we can make our DPs build there own quarters, out of all that left over wood they keep brining home!!!!

But, would they have to go out to work, or would they stay home and see to our needs, being as our sugar daddy is out earning the real money?

mrsruffallo · 12/02/2008 14:48

LOL Yes, hunker, it is great!!!

morningpaper · 12/02/2008 14:48
Iota · 12/02/2008 14:49

it's a piece of piss to be a SAHM if you have your own money and the kids are at school

mrsruffallo · 12/02/2008 14:49

mp- how did you know?

lucyellensmum · 12/02/2008 14:50

We don't have a waitrose around here, whats the big deal?

hunkermunker · 12/02/2008 14:51

It's a relative piece of piss if you don't, Iota.

hunkermunker · 12/02/2008 14:51

And they're not.

hunkermunker · 12/02/2008 14:52

Oh, ignore me, I'm just pissed off because I have to organise every sodding thing for the kids around working and don't get any time off from anything.

hunkermunker · 12/02/2008 14:52

And I said kids. And I never say kids.

Iota · 12/02/2008 14:52

yes hunker, but I don't know how I'd manage without my 30hr a week "me-time"

lucyellensmum · 12/02/2008 14:53

hunker, how can you possibly even think its a peice of piss, i take it you work, i mean, have you ever tried to mumsnet with a two year old vying for your attention. I say its a peice of piss being a working mum, i mean, all you have to do is minimise mumsnet when the boss walks past

Elffriend · 12/02/2008 14:53

LOL Mrs Ruffallo. I'd be sooooo doomed on the looks front. T'was never my strong point anyway and thought now of anyone new ever having to see me naked...well. I could never hate anyone that much.

Would lurve though to be a lady wot lunches and generally a kept woman.