Are fussy children the product of a change in parenting style?

[Raz1564]

I shouldn't be casting any judgement on parents who have kids who eat just 5 types of food ... But I am and maybe I need convincing otherwise.

Growing up, we ate the same thing for lunch and dinner. Nobody could be fussy, we didn't have a choice. We either ate what we were given or didn't eat. Some of my siblings were "fussy", but the most that was tolerated from my mum was them moving some green foods to the side.

Fast forward to present day and I have fully gone old school with my approach to feeding my kids. They either eat what I give them or they don't. They now eat really well and the fussiest one eats better than every kid I know.

I decided to take this approach after seeing how much my older sister struggled with her DS. I love cooking and really wanted my children to enjoy wholesome meals.

So ... What do mum's think? Is this approach too strict for you or does it also work for you?

I was fussy in the 60s

Fussy children have always existed.
But the numbers have expanded enormously. That shows this is influenced by parenting. Otherwise the numbers would stay much the same.

Yes. I understand that.

I have had an intolerance to egg my whole life. If anyone made me eat it then I would throw up.

The difference is that I wouldn't have been happily eating it one week and then the next week claiming I don't like it anymore. An intolerance/ allergy is a long term issue with a particular food which was very apparent.

I would still absolutely stick to my approach in 99% of cases where I think the child is fine and just fancies chicken nuggets.

Has it though?
My parents and grandparents lists of foods they wouldn't eat is larger than my 10 year old neices.

Lots of an older generation "eat anything" but it's a narrow cultural definition. For example my grandparents wouldn't of eaten things like pasta really, my aunts etc wouldn't eat sweet potato or "fancy veg" like okra, spinach, asparagus etc.

My family would have been considered good eaters if we ate a fairly limited list of foods because meal options were much smaller eg. Chips, sausages, potato, chicken, beef and pork, veg is just brocoli, cauliflower and peas. Lots of people I know live off fairly simple basic meal choices on rotation of about 10 meals from a small ingredient list.

For example my aunt as a kid was the good eater of the family but she really only ate lots of that style food which was bland and fairly boiled. If you added something like spice or even herbs she'd of not touched it like Lots of that generation

Lots of people say they aren't fussy eaters but eat a fairly narrow range of food. Eg my aunt would say I'm a fussy eater because she eats very traditional food eg. Chicken, mash, with carrots. Im considered fussy because I'd prefer no mash, and not plain boiled pots and no fish. It doesn't take into account that my diet is much more varied outside of that eg. Lots of other carbs like orzo, gnocchi, barley, cous cous that she would never touch

Also the chicken nugget thing seems to be touted as a new thing

I grew up in the 80s/90s and had plenty of friends that ate only oven meals like chicken nuggets, plain pasta etc. I wonder if it was much more common for whole families to be eating things like oven meals in the mid 90s?

It was certainly the norm amongst my parents set of friends that dinner would be sausages and chips with maybe peas or some other birds eye style frozen food

My parents certainly weren't eating a rainbow and there was no real expectation that we would be eating stuff like curry or pesto etc

Why is it better for a child to learn to force something down that they really dislike, just so that the parents can claim they're not 'fussy'? It's not like forcing them to eat that or nothing is going to make them like the food; they might eat it, sure, because they have no choice. Is that really a better situation - a child who can force down food they dislike to avoid being in trouble or being hungry? Not convinced. No, offering processed options every time isn't the answered, but if they like limited numbers of healthy food, I am not sure it's the fact that it's limited that is a problem.

There were a number of things I remember struggling with as a child - mostly texture related - but eventually grew out of most of it. Not all, but mostly. I remember forcing myself to eat certain things I really didn't like, and I found the experience unpleasant, and it didn't make me like the food any more or want to have it again. It was just unpleasant and made me unhappy. That doesn't really seem like the sort of thing to encourage parents to do. I got over it myself years later as I learned to cook things in different ways, to try things I hadn't liked in different formats, or just try them again with adult taste buds. But making me eat them as a child didn't help.

@Rainforest6 A lot of people are not adventurous eaters so won't try new things they come across as adults. For elderly people these foods were exotic foods. My mum used to have to go to a deli to buy spaghetti.
I see fussy eaters as those with a very limited range of foods they will eat. Like the adult I knew that would only eat plan chicken or beef, potatoes, chips or veg. That was it. Perfectly healthy diet, but challenging to eat out anywhere. Even seasoning on chicken was not acceptable.

Surely though one person's non adventurous eater is another's fussy eater though?

Previously kids that ate 90% bland foods were considered good eaters, but now theres a real feeling if you just eat chips youre fussy etc when Previously it would be fairly normal for kids to only eat potato in various forms

Expectations of what foods kids have is massive.

As a complete figure out of the air in the 70s kids might have tried 10 meals, and only disliked 1 and ate the other 9 on rotation, 5 veg for example, disliked 1 of of them (eg my aunt hated cabbage and liver). If now there was a child that only ate 9 meals, and only liked peas, carrots and sweetcorn we would consider them fussy.

We have never given our daughter processed food (made our own fish fingers, chips etc., she has never had nuggets or been to McDonald’s). She’s 8 and extremely fussy despite having been brought up on purely home made food. She was very fussy / food avoidant from the very beginning of weaning and it has only very gradually improved over the years. It’s not the processed food that’s the cause of the issue. She gets what she is given or no alternative but she just won’t eat if she doesn’t like it. She’d prefer to be hungry. We do tend to make food we know she’ll eat but it is still never processed. She does get that for school dinners though (‘I prefer the orange fish fingers at school mummy’), which I didn’t realise until a couple of years in and she was old enough to describe the food! I had assumed it was home made like at nursery. And that has made her more fussy (see comment re fish fingers). So I blame the government for that particular part of it. Squeezing budgets.

I’m with you. Same meals for everyone. No alternative. Assuming general good health and weight, missing a meal is perfectly fine. And I hate the assumption about what is ‘kids food’, it’s so cultural. In loads of countries kids eat curries/chillis etc! Apart from too much salt obv.

Obviously children with ARID or similar difficulties need to be fed what they will eat.
But many parents do seem scared of their child ever going hungry. There is nothing wrong with missing a meal. It is natural for adults and children to sometimes not feel that hungry at a meal time. In such a situation they might eat their favourite food if tempted by it, but it is healthier for them to follow their natural appetite.

I would not consider a child that ate nine totally different meals as fussy. Fussy kids will only eat sausages and chips, a ham and pineapple pizza and a burger.

In the past those nine meals would likely have included fish and chips, a Sunday roast, lamb cutlets with potatoes and veg, gammon and egg, cottage pie, shepherds pie, bangers and mash, steak and kidney pie, and toad in the hole. It would be pretty varied in reality.

The thing is for a lot of parents of fussy kids , it's not just missing a meal. It wasn't for me. DD weaned very well , eating or at least trying anything you put on the plate. Then she slowly stopped eating and dropping foods. First it was milk. That was fine , she was eating solids well. Then meat,then veg, then dairy and so on. At her worst she went a few weeks with maybe some fruit, an icecream and a small bag of crips (if lucky) a day. She wasn't just fussy, she didn't feel hunger either. I had to reintroduce every single thing, including toast ffs. She was 3 when she first ate and accepted pancakes. She's still fussy , but got better. The irony is, she won't eat what most people refer to as junk food either, sausages/sausage rolls, pizzas, ham sandwiches, nuggets can be hit and miss etc.

@JustAnotherManicNameChange I specifically said in the post you quoted that I am not talking about children like that.
But there are a lot of children described as fussy who will only eat basically junk food.

Growing up, we ate the same thing for lunch and dinner. Nobody could be fussy, we didn't have a choice. We either ate what we were given or didn't eat. Some of my siblings were "fussy", but the most that was tolerated from my mum was them moving some green foods to the side

fussy children have always existed. Both my sibling and dh had restricted lists of foods in the 60/70’s. Both taken to the doctors about it. Both underweight as they just chose not to eat. Lots of fuss around E numbers and hyperactivity.

“fussy” kids have always existed. Sometimes it’s simply they don’t eat as much as adults expect them to or think they should.

I think we deal with it better now though.

This makes interesting reading - no picky eaters in these Japanese preschoolers and look at their diet:

assets.researchsquare.com/files/rs-297653/v1/e902373c-9aec-4fd7-a904-0e24d9e7d39b.pdf?c=1631880005#:~:text=Background%3A%20Picky%20eating%20or%20refusing,preschool%20programs%20that%20emphasize%20shared

I had much the same attitude but found it didn't really work. My DCs would eat literally everything (fish, all meats, all fruit and veg, cheese of various kinds) until they hit 13 months. Both rather skinny. They just refused to eat anything but a small handful of (albeit healthy and nutritious) foods. That lasted until they were about 9 for DC1 and 13 for DC2.

DC1 now a very adventurous eater. Constantly trying new ingredients and new cuisines.

DC2 now eats most things

Sounds very much like this which I have

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/types/arfid/

Children with food issues have always existed. I was born in the 60s and would have been what you call a fussy eater. Which I find quite irritating as it’s always people who have not had issues themselves who use these dismissive words. Many people grow less “fussy” as they get older - in my case when I left home & had more choice in what I ate. I would still not eat the gristly stews/boiled meat & veg that was the norm in my childhood. I preferred raw veg & salads!

My aunt was born in the 1930s, my cousin in the 50s. All had issues. Probably a sensory thing.

Both my children are pretty good eaters but my friend had one that would eat anything, spicy curries, fish, meat, all vegetables, really anything at all and she prided herself on how they'd brought him up. Then they had another who would pretty much only eat about 5 foods and would rather not eat than eat something that wasnt on the safe list.
A lot of it is down to the person.
Too easy to judge if you haven't been in the situation.

Partly I think yes. My oldest has sensory issues around food and is under a dietician so we do tend to accommodate him as he literally would starve rather than eat. He is already very thin. My other 2 kids do chance it at times and get told if they don't eat there dinner they will go hungry. They normally eat it and enjoy it. I think sometimes it's easier to give in but unless the child really can't tolerate textures etc preserving helps.

Wow the ableism here! Have you never heard of ARFID?! My child has been given wholesome, home cooked meals since she was a baby, no messing about and yet when she turned 2 - everything changed. Yea, she would refuse it until she starved to death! She has autism ffs! How dare you sit there pontificating about "they eat it or they get nothing, it always worked for mine......" That's great that it worked for your child but it most certainly does NOT work for every child!
My nephew was exactly the same and was also given proper food

⬆️THIS!!!!!⬆️ The ignorance from some on this thread is sickening

I saw a post about how I only have one child (discussed in another thread referring to my pregnancies) but can't seem to find it. I have 4 children and the first 3 were adopted but still my babies. I have Chrons disease and was frightened to stop certain medications after being stable for so long so decided pregnancy wasn't for me at that time.

Parents telling me to not judge and then judging isn't nice but I can get why it would come across that way.

I definitely wouldn't be talking about children being fussy with just a one year old!

We put chicken nuggets/fishfingers in the same category as takeaways.

once a weeks tops, often much less.

my children get what they’re given. There’s some choice, A or B whatever you pick today the other is tomorrow. I shop weekly, so sometimes it’s dictated by dates on food, and/or time available to cook what!

my daughter HATES tomatoes. 60% of what I cook has tomatoes in. She picks out big chunks but eats the majority.

if they want something else, they have to be involved at the planning stage. Not the delivery stage.
the alternative is hunger or beans on toast!
they’ve gone for beans on toasts a few times, but never hunger.

….. apparently beans on toast is not a punishment and I’m a cruel mother for never PLANNING beans on toast as a meal because they love it !!