Are fussy children the product of a change in parenting style?

[Raz1564]

I shouldn't be casting any judgement on parents who have kids who eat just 5 types of food ... But I am and maybe I need convincing otherwise.

Growing up, we ate the same thing for lunch and dinner. Nobody could be fussy, we didn't have a choice. We either ate what we were given or didn't eat. Some of my siblings were "fussy", but the most that was tolerated from my mum was them moving some green foods to the side.

Fast forward to present day and I have fully gone old school with my approach to feeding my kids. They either eat what I give them or they don't. They now eat really well and the fussiest one eats better than every kid I know.

I decided to take this approach after seeing how much my older sister struggled with her DS. I love cooking and really wanted my children to enjoy wholesome meals.

So ... What do mum's think? Is this approach too strict for you or does it also work for you?

I think trends in parenting come as a result of the things those adults disliked when they were kids. So yes, broadly, I think a lot of the now adults who didn't like having to eat what they were given when they were kids, have now grown up and don't want to do that with their kids. One of the results is that we have more kids who are allowed to be fussy. But then, at the same time, if those parents grew up with issues around being made to eat what they were given, then it's hard to say if that was a better approach long term, even if they were less of a PITA when they were kids.

Attitudes around food are, in my opinion, an absolute minefield when it comes to kids. Whichever way you approach things, it can lead to your kids growing up with some unhealthy attitude or other, whether it be fussiness, overeating, underrating etc.

For example, I ate pretty well as a child and wasn't indulged in being fussy. But due to the healthy snacks I was given being less exciting than my peers chocolates and crisps, I now view "treat" food as really exciting and struggle to regulate myself. I might actually have been better off if I'd been allowed more "treats". Do I think this was a result of my upbringing? Yes, I do, but I don't really blame my parents for it. I think raising kids with good attitudes around food is one of those things that rarely goes perfectly for anyone, there are so many ways you could get it at least a bit wrong.

I agree with @aSofaNearYou . Lots of parenting trends were/are about what is best for the adults not necessarily the children. So it's good for adults to have children who will clear their plates regardless and are completely quiet and biddable in public places - it's convenient and it reflects well on them. But unless you have naturally placid/non-fussy children, the methods you have to use to secure these goals aren't necessarily child-friendly or going to result in confident, well-balanced children with a healthy relationship with food. Much better imo to play the long game than to get into silly stand-offs over things that don't really matter. Of course, there's a line to be drawn - feeding your child a junk food diet or allowing them to run wild in inappropriate places isn't great either. But I don't get why parents back themselves into silly situations where they're refusing a child food, for instance.

Mh kids have a mixture of home made, varied foods and some frozen stuff (although always good quality frozen stuff). He also
love a mcdonalds and a KFC.

Most meals go in bowls on the table to help yourselves and the rule is you can't say you don't like something if you haven't tried it. No pressure. If they have tried what's on offer and genuinely don't like it then they can sub that part of the meal. (e.g. spicy rice for bread or haddock mezqueca for some cold chicken). Works for us and they will try anything and eat most things. But there's no
pressure and the only guard against fussiness is that you actually have to try it.

Yep, DH’s grandmother who would be 96 now ate about 10 things total, which I assumed was something that developed in her old age but apparently not, she was like that all her life. Her son, my FIL isn’t quite as restricted but still very fussy - has to have the salmon from this shop, the particular bread rolls from that shop, long long list of foods he won’t eat or only prepared in certain ways. (If it’s genetic it’s certainly skipped DH’s generation - I’ve not found anything he won’t eat yet).

My brother is 60 this year, my mum was called to his primary school to discuss his eating or lack thereof. To be fair, his wasn’t so much fussiness as he could never eat very much in one sitting, he’s a grazer and has stayed the same to this day. He’ll eat a mouthful of everything on the plate and that’s him done.

The ‘kids these days’ narrative is definitely false.

Its probably an element in some cases.

BUT my older sister had serious issies with food. Things had to be a very way. My mum never pandered to it, and we could always have fruit for dessert if hungry. When we lived in America for a year dSis (then 10) stopped eating because everything tasted "wrong". She cant abide corn syrup or artificial sweetness. She lost a huge amount I weight as she was barely eating. Two weeks in my mother was terrified as she was fainting at school and was at risk of being hospitalised. Years later she was diagnosed as being autistic.

I have 3kids and they're all quite different about food. My eldest is seriously picky (medical issue meant she had a year where she couldn't eat solids and it seems to have messed with her about to know when she is hungry). We put a wide variety of food in front of her, but they aren't many meals she eats "well" and she is very resistant to anything difficult to chew/swallow - she doesn't eat "solid" meat (like chips or steak) and she eats only a tiny amount of most veg unless it's really soft.

One of my boys eats EVERYTHING. He gets offered the same good, but he loves trying new things. His identical twin had been offered all the same things, but he loves familiar things and takes a LOT of exposure to something before he'll try it. Baked beans I think I may never win on.

It's reasonable to consider different approaches to.your parenting and what you might think will.work best with your children. It's the same as screen time, discipline.... everything. By all means do your research and decide what you think is best. But it's a bit harsh to have decided that just because you haven't faced a particular parenting challenge that it's entirely down to your parenting and everyone else is getting it wrong. All my children seem to find reading/maths quite easy so far. That's lovely for me. But I don't think badly of those whose children seem to be finding it harder. It would be cruel of me to judge them as having done something bad to their children just because their challenges are different from mine.