Are fussy children the product of a change in parenting style?

[Raz1564]

I shouldn't be casting any judgement on parents who have kids who eat just 5 types of food ... But I am and maybe I need convincing otherwise.

Growing up, we ate the same thing for lunch and dinner. Nobody could be fussy, we didn't have a choice. We either ate what we were given or didn't eat. Some of my siblings were "fussy", but the most that was tolerated from my mum was them moving some green foods to the side.

Fast forward to present day and I have fully gone old school with my approach to feeding my kids. They either eat what I give them or they don't. They now eat really well and the fussiest one eats better than every kid I know.

I decided to take this approach after seeing how much my older sister struggled with her DS. I love cooking and really wanted my children to enjoy wholesome meals.

So ... What do mum's think? Is this approach too strict for you or does it also work for you?

I grew up eating dreadful, monotonous, badly-cooked food because I had no choice. I’m not inflicting that grim regime on my offspring.

I was a fusspot supreme in the 1980s. I just remember that the smell of lots of foods made me want to throw up. As did the texture. And I was a stubborn creature who would not eat rather than eat something I didn’t like and underweight so people worked around me. I remember at school frequently just eating a roll with butter for lunch.

Did have an epiphany aged about 12 and will now eat almost anything.

I'm not talking about dreadful or bland/monotonous food. I'm talking about healthy and wholesome foods. My mum was and still is an amazing cook.

That's so interesting! Why age 12 I wonder ... ?

It doesn’t work for us. My DS5 will just not eat it. We don’t offer him anything else so he goes to bed hungry. I feel bad for him but then I think it’s not like I’m making anything exotic - lasagne, mild chilli, curry, chicken rice etc. I don’t want to serve chicken nuggets and pizza, they’re addictive and not nutritious.

I wish he’d never tasted processed foods as surely then he would just eat homemade food.

Well, mine wasn’t, so the lack of choice involved some truly grim food, which understandably I don’t see as a good thing.

Some is due to parenting but children also come to us with a temperament already.

I have one super fussy, one average eater and one that eats everything. They either eat or don't, I don't make separate meals - but that doesn't change their innate fussiness.
Growing up, I had one sibling who was super fussy. Normal/adventurous as an adult
My dad was one of 8 and even in the 70s he had one sibling that survived on milk and weetabix.

I grew up in the nineties, I was a very very picky eater. My brother has the same upbringing and isn’t fussy. Not sure its about parenting, I think it depends on the child.

My parents were/are excellent cooks. And I’d been offered a wide variety of styles of food.

Might be of note that DS1 (an excellent eater) is autistic and there is a genetic element to autism, I believe…

I've got one who would go to bed hungry rather then eat something he didn't like. I guess he might have given in eventually, but starving your DC is frowned upon.

The other eats almost anything.

Same parenting. If anything I was less strict on the "eats anything" child.

We give the kids exacrly what we are having. They have been brought up eating proper food and are fab eaters. When they used to suddenly develop a dislike for foods they had previously eaten from being babies i wouldnt offer anything else, it was that or nothing. Funny how quickly they decided it was edible. Our rule is you have to try. If you dont want to eat it after that you dont have to. And they are really good with that. 95% of things they will eat but i dont force the odd thing because i can tell they genuinely dont like it rather than just being fussy.

I di think too many people assume childrens foof is crappy frozen nuggets and chips etc. Then their palate is so used to bland and beige that they refuse anything with any taste or texture.

So yes i judge. Also judge people who dont eat at the table and let their kids run around restaurants.

I do think that the level of fussiness depends on what is available to the child. For example, a child in a poorer country with the same temperament and nature as a child in the UK would have limited options to be fussy about.

Jeez childrens food not foof 🙈

Turned off autocorrect and cant find it so sorry for the typos

Well this is it. If fish fingers and chicken nuggets and the rest of the made up shit had never been invented, they would have eaten real foods. I wish I’d never gave him them. They’re like a drug.

Hmm ... I've never given mine processed foods and now I'm glad. Not because I'm super healthy or anything, I just don't have the freezer space and cooking for me is a genuine hobbie. I did have frozen foods growing up though and I don't now so hopefully it will be the same for many kids if they keep getting offered wholesome foods.

My DH and his sibling both had /have disordered eating they blame on the clear the plate or else mentality of their parents in the late 80s early 90s.

DH used to get really anxious about eating in public to the extent he broke off relationships to avoid it when younger and became physically sick at the prospect. He's pretty much ok now but can still get a bit anxious when me or the children leave food on our plates when out.

SibIL still can't eat in front of people including close family, they get round it by 'bodybuilding' and has protein shakes for meals in front of work colleagues and inhales their main meal at home in the evenings in about 2mins.

They have two other siblings who have perfectly normal eating habits.

my parents provided us with a healthy meal and if we ate it we ate it and if we didn't we didn't. One of us grew up a bit of a foodie, one just eats ready meals and one really got into cooking in later years but still had some food aversions.

I don't think it matters as much as people think it does providing the meals are have protein/veg/carbs in roughly the right portions.

Both my parents are in their 60s and have hang ups around food that come from the "must eat what's on your plate " era

I work in mh and certainly see every age group represented including older adults included in people who have food related phobias etc, or unhealthy habits due to being forced to eat things.

I do think you've got a point for a lot of fussy eaters - sensory issues aside.

I grew up in the 70s as a child of 2 terrible terrible cooks. I was hungry throughout much of my childhood, not starving hungry or I'd I've eaten the overcooked liver, the burnt pies, the dried out Sunday dinner, but I remember I bloody loved school dinners as they were so tasty and delicious, and I'd pig out when I went to my grandparents who COULD cook.

So, because of my upbringing, I'm quite fussy. I'm fortunate enough that food has never been scarce so I'll eat more when the food is cooked to my liking, or nothing if I don't like it. I learned to cook too, first thing I did when leaving home was get my Nanna's tasty recipes!

But then I've 100% contributed to my own kids fussiness. Because I didn't want to force them to eat food they disliked I was very much of the opinion "don't eat it then, it's fine". If food had been scarce, as it was in the 70s for me, I would not have been saying "it's fine, leave your peas, have a smoothie".

They have all grown out of this fussiness now though. Pethaps, no thanks to me, but at 22, 22, and 15 they eat really really well. A lot better than me it has to be said! I still fucking hate peas, sprouts, liver, and over cooked meat. And sweetcorn. That can get in the bin too.

Haha cross posted with you!

I have tried the OP's 'eat what you are given or nothing' approach and he ate nothing. He lost lots of weight and was still terrified by all but 5 foods. It probably works on a fussy child but not on a child who genuinely feels they can't eat most foods due to phobia.

My little profoundly autistic son ate everything I gave him when little (kippers/organic seasoned food/all veg) Then slowly but surely he started to not eat them. Couldn’t have my bolognese as can’t do the texture it either has to be completely smooth or solid. Other two kids great eaters. It’s not always the parents. One thing I never do is make my kids eat something they don’t like. I make stuff I know they will like, they don’t have to eat It but if they don’t there is nothing else!

Where do you think the phobia originated from? Just out of curiousity.

It must be very difficult for a child with autism and I definitely think they need a different approach to the one I have taken.

Well I'm 50, and my parents did that eat what's on your plate stuff. Which I did so my parents probably thought they were winning. But I'm still eating disordered now - ex anorexic, and still use food as a control mechanism, and helpfully managed to pass that onto my eidest daughter.

So my advise would be to stick to what you're doing.

Well I have one fussy child and one who will eat anything.

Both parented the same.