Are fussy children the product of a change in parenting style?

[Raz1564]

I shouldn't be casting any judgement on parents who have kids who eat just 5 types of food ... But I am and maybe I need convincing otherwise.

Growing up, we ate the same thing for lunch and dinner. Nobody could be fussy, we didn't have a choice. We either ate what we were given or didn't eat. Some of my siblings were "fussy", but the most that was tolerated from my mum was them moving some green foods to the side.

Fast forward to present day and I have fully gone old school with my approach to feeding my kids. They either eat what I give them or they don't. They now eat really well and the fussiest one eats better than every kid I know.

I decided to take this approach after seeing how much my older sister struggled with her DS. I love cooking and really wanted my children to enjoy wholesome meals.

So ... What do mum's think? Is this approach too strict for you or does it also work for you?

So many friends and neighbours with children are cooking about 3 different meals every evening because one child will only eat a couple of things, another child will only eat a couple of totally different things etc.

A neighbour says one of her children will only eat fish fingers, chicken nuggets, chips and mash!

I was born in the 1950's. There were no fish fingers or chicken nuggets so no child was ever only going to eat them.

My parents didn't have the money to buy loads of different foods and we all ate the same meal every evening. There were some things me and my siblings disliked and we didn't have to eat them.

My cousins were brought up the same as was DH and his sibling. My siblings also have never cooked different meals for their children.

The only thing I really didn't like was liver.

Children were not fussy then because they couldn't be. Further back in time do you think during the war years children were able to pick and choose what they did and didn't eat?

I ate very few foods as a child ( I now think it was a sensory thing) and my dad insisted that i got nothing else if i didnt eat my meals. I ended up in hospital dangerously underweight as i just couldnt bring myself to eat food that i hated, which included all veg, fruit, potatoes and most meat. I have 5 dc and they all eat very differently. What worked with one didn't work with another. My eldest would eat only very bland smooth food as a baby and she still eats quite beige food even now at 30. Dc 2 and 3 ate everything, 4 and 5 eat a fair range. I expect my dc to try things before they decide they don't like them, but I do take their likes and dislikes into account when I am meal planning.

He obviously knows what he likes!

The Eggs Benedict just made me pause because in my head that's a meet up with friends brunch meal.

It all sounds delicious - when can I come round for supper?

So if your child had never tried chicken nuggets what would they be eating? What if you lived in a country where you can't get chicken nuggets?

Children nowadays are growing up in a completely different food culture than in the past. Learning to clear their plate regardless is unlikely to serve them well in a culture of endless choice and cheap calories.

I shouldn't be casting any judgement on parents who have kids who eat just 5 types of food ... But I am and maybe I need convincing otherwise.

Not really sure I can be bothered convincing you. How about we go through every aspect of your parenting and I can tell you where I am superior (based on my own judgement obvs).
I'm so sick of these sneery, judgemental threads - just raise your kids how you think best and leave others to do the same.

@mydogisthebest children in the past did sometimes not eat or would live off something basic like bread and butter.
It's not a new concept - being a 'fussy eater'.

Even babies eat curry! Why is it grown up?

It probably reads like that because I do think they are doing something wrong. Unless ofcourse there are medical reasons as to why a child is fussy, I just can't work out why some kids only eat the same carbs everyday. It doesn't make sense on a biological level.
I wanted to hear different experiences because in my extended family there are a lot of fussy eaters. I think it's the parents who over-cater to their toddlers needs and set up bad eating habits who struggle in the long run. I'm always saying this to my sister who has the fussiest kids but today I thought, maybe her kids are just fussy.
I also don't know of family's where one child is picky and others aren't so I wanted to read people's experiences on this too.

Well hopefully this thread has confirmed to you that you are superior to your sister and other family members because you cook wholesome non-processed foods. Well done you.

I think - just like with sleep - there are some kids who just love to eat. There are some kids who can be shown how to eat - meal times together, just keep serving it up, they will take it on attempt 7 etc etc, and some kids who just won't eat "normally" whatever.
Personally, I got 2 "we'll eat anything that is put I front of us" kids.
DS2 could be persuaded to sleep. DS1 would not, could not - and, aged 13 years still doesn't - sleep through the night.

Until you have walked in the parents shoes, don't assume they haven't tried to solve things that are causing issues.

I deliberately avoided DD having processed food until she had established really good eating habits. She didn't know what a fish finger was until she was 3. She's only ever had chicken nuggets at a friend's house. No kids' flavoured yoghurts etc. No ice lollies, sweets etc. until over the age of 3.

I've been on the receiving end of a hell of a lot of eye-rolling from other parents but I just didn't want to make life difficult by introducing addictive foods early on.

Now we enjoy junk food from time to time, we have pizza every weekend, DD has unlimited access to a box of sweets/chocolate, can ask for ice cream whenever she wants it because she does enjoy these things but she also enjoys all other foods (apart from mushrooms, spinach and oranges) so she doesn't eat junk at the expense of a generally healthy diet.

I didn’t know there was such a thing as grown up foods….

When my dcs were little I bought one if the Annabel Carmel cooking books for toddlers. We are still eating some of those recipes (dcs are both over 18yo now…).
And all the while dcs have been eating the same thing than us since they were about 2~3yo….. yes including curry, olives, garlic etc….

@Mothership4two eggs benedict is something he actually used to eat but I think he's gone off it now. You can absolutely come around and have my sons meals I'm tired of feeding the bin 😄

My Dd was fussy and it wasn’t helped by having a very small appetite.

I found a way of feeding her that worked for us.

When she was a teenager we found out she was a coeliac (another cousin was diagnosed). Turns out she nearly always was getting a tummy ache after eating, but it was so normal for her that she didn’t say anything much.

The one time I took her to a doctor, he said it was abdominal migraine.

So in retrospect I’m glad I wasn’t the sort to make her eat her food or else. I have very mixed views on fussy eating because of that.

Because it can be spicy? / Not all babies do eat curry

My response was to a poster whose 4 yo barely eats any of her meals and then gave examples of what could be considered fairly grown up meals, to me anyway, and I thought there might be a potential connection. She's come back and explained that her meals are quite conventional.

TBH it was more the Eggs Benedict. I gave my kids mild curries.

This is what I am hoping to achieve with DS he's just started on solids 2 months ago. But nursery gave him fish fingers yesterday, it's usually a meat and 2 veg sort of thing with them. I'm hoping they were home made as shop ones are very high in salt. I've emailed them to ask (politely) and if they are shop ones I think I will ask that they don't give him processed food for now. He's only 8 months. Or will I sound like a nutter?

Also sometimes it can come down to the child. I am in a group for weaning and I have read many stories of babies eating absolutely everything then getting to 2/3/4 and saying no to lots of things! I'm hoping I'm one of the lucky ones. So far he only refused kale.

Ye I did all of that with DS. Didn’t stop him developing massive issues with food.

now orally his two main foods are apples and carrots!

I have a kid who only eats 5 foods. None are beige or processed either which makes getting enough calories in to her a problem. She's autistic with ARFID. I tried the 'she will eat it when she's hungry' approach to introduce varied foods. Funny enough, she didn't and went 3 days without eating at all.

You obviously think you are superior to your sister and all us parents of fussy kids. So well done, big claps for you on your excellent parenting.
My 6 year old lives on plain boiled pasta, plain boiled rice, and bread with butter. She will occasionally dip that bread in tomato soup. She thankfully will also drink fruit/veg smoothies. If we dont offer her those options, she doesnt eat. We recently were travelling and couldnt find those options, she didnt eat for 24hrs.
I have other kids that eat well.
Its not always parenting.
Stop being so smug.

@pontipinemum I wouldn't worry about about occasional fish fingers at nursery. If 99% of their diet is good, then the odd very processed food at nursery shouldn't be an issue.

@Raz1564 considering you only have a 12 month old and are only currently pregnant with your second (as per your other post) I’ll take your assertion of how well your “kids” eat with a pinch of salt 😉come back to us when they’re, you know born, and have the verbal capacity to express their own choices.

My children were average fussy, but there were four of them all with different dislikes. Annoying, but we found enough compromise and common ground to have good family meals.
Then later I had a family from an Indian village living with me for more than a decade(their parents too) and these 2 children hoovered up absolutely everything. There was nothing they would not eat. They were introduced to things like puddings, sweet things and occasional processed junk but it didn't affect their relish for kale, Brussels sprouts and every vegetable under the sun, fish, all kinds of meat, pulses. Completely omnivorous.
So genetic? Cultural? No idea.

You didn't know that modifying diets and meals for children was a thing @MyriadOfTravels? Isn't that why you bought an Annabel Karmel book?

I would consider spicy meals, strong flavours, boozy desserts or even large steaks pretty "grown-up".

As I have explained above there was a reason I made my comment.

My 2 DS ate mild curry and garlic too when they were little and one ate olives but that was considered unusual by friends and family. They generally ate what we ate with occasional modifications

Ah, that adds some hilarious context I hadn't known. 😂So I guess this is just some pre-situational parenting smugness.

Fast forward to present day and I have fully gone old school with my approach to feeding my kids. They either eat what I give them or they don't. They now eat really well and the fussiest one eats better than every kid I know.

For what it's worth, OP, mine, as I've said, were pretty good, but my absolute fussiest one ate literally anything at 12 months. Then a 4 year phase where he probably would have starved with your approach and then back to being an easy eater.

From what I’ve been told he used to eat everything when he was weaning, that has limited to only 3 foods as he’s gotten older, but I imagine he would then only eat toast, or some other food that he found ‘safe’ he will happily starve and has ended up in hospital because of it, I’d rather he was fed no matter what it is. He has ASD.