Teacher lying or son lying

[Gudinne]

Just looking for some advice. My son is four. On Friday after school he told me that his ear was sore because he had accidentally popped a small stone down it at school that morning. I asked if he had told a teacher, he said yes and told me which teacher he had told. It wasn't his normal class teacher who he said was not in school on Friday. I asked him what the teacher had said when he told her, he can't remember what she said but she didn't look in his ear. I couldn't see anything in his ear but took him to A&E where they removed a small stone from his ear. He is fine, no damage done.

I emailed school about this and asked in future if any staff become aware of anything that means my child needs medical attention they let me know immediately.

School has responded to say the teacher said my son never told her he had a stone in his ear. I believe my son and can't think of any reason why he would lie.

What if any further action should I take? His dad and my sis reckon do nothing as the teacher will just maintain her position so it's her word against that of my son. They reckon that there are probably teachers just like her in every school.

Like I say, no clue. Some names are just funnier.

Sam- not funny.
Arbuthnot- funny.

Yes after a period of suspension we had a meeting with the head who informed us he had being fired for gross misconduct.

@ChardonnaysBeastlyCat it doesn't work that way.

Sadly I've filled in so many records of concern I've lost count. That's because I do listen, make sure I build good relationships and trust and actually spend time with children.

But "misss miissss misss misss misss miss " poke poke wave wave twirl while I'm administering insulin to another child( to be told after that his friend had the hiccups) or breaking a fight or dealing with a child in crisis or teaching or the other billion things I have to deal with in a day might get ignored/forgotten about in the moment.

When you bring a class in from break time it often goes like this:

miss, I saw a squirrel.
miss, I drew a picture.
miss, we’ve got a new puppy.
miss, I’m having KFC for tea.
miss, look at this leaf.
miss, I played with my friend but now he’s not my friend because he told me that he didn’t want to play with me anymore and then I put a stone in my ear and then I talked to my friend again and we played together but he doesn’t like my coat and I said that was ok and I like his shoes.
miss, me and my friend made up a dance I’m going to show it to you. It’s really good and we can both do it at the same time watch us.

All at once.

I also think this is perception, and what was actually said

I don’t believe the teacher thought there was a genuine medical emergency and decided to ignore it and lie. I find it much more believable that if anything was said then the teacher misunderstood.

The fact your son, who you say is fully articulate can’t remember what was said, I think speaks volumes

I believe my son and can't think of any reason why he would lie

really? I can think of many reasons a small child would lie. Because he was asked a leading question. Because he thought he’d get into trouble if he said no. Because he thought he was supposed to say yes. Because he thought putting a stone in his ear was naughty and he didn’t want to get in more trouble, so so so many reasons.

your desire to go after the teacher and your families reaction that teachers like that exist in every school is just odd.

Op I've had a child tell me a ghost flew across the classroom and cut their hair. Should I call their parents for that, too? If she knew he had a stone in his ear she would have called you.

That's the point though isn't it? They are trained for this, so he probably didn't tell her.

Oh for goodness sake. My four year old lies all the time! He's not a delinquent, he's just realised that he doesn't have to tell me the truth every time and enjoys the power of telling me he didn't do something when I watched him do it. Or that he had soup for tea when his key worker and Tapestry tell me it was baked potato. That is entirely normal developmentally for a four year old.

Even if he did tell the teacher, they have 29 other children to deal with and your child is not the centre of their world.

How can you accidentally pop a stone in your ear?? I'd focus on getting ds not to put things in his ear.

I think you know perfectly well who is lying.

But Amalaberta is the absolute funniest!

I don't think 4 year olds are that reliable. He may think he has or he may think you would want him to have done so etc etc. The teacher may not have understood exactly what he said or he may simply not have told her.

I think you need to focus on teaching your son not to put things into his ears or wherever.

Or more likely the teacher couldn't be arsed to do what they ought to do.

By the way he didn't do it 'accidentally' either! I am guessing this is a bit of a tall tale!

Given that the school has said he didn't inform anyone, I would expect you will be waiting for that apology for a while.

Yes. Must be this. All those lazy teachers only working 9 - 3 with 100 million holidays. Soooo lazy. Definitely couldn't be arsed to take 2 seconds to send the kid to the office/first aider. Absolutely zero chance of anything else even slightly reasonable happening.

I'm not for a moment saying that teachers are perfect. Or even that they're all always scrupulously honest.
But when you have 30 children in your care and one of them says something while you're dealing with several others and with any number of things going through your head, it's easy to mishear/misunderstand something. And if you don't know you've misheard, you don't think "oh this is one of my four year olds who might not have expressed himself effectively. I'd best break away from the other children around me and chack what he meant"

He may have spoke to her when she was doing 100 other things.

I think (as a retired teacher) that this is by far the most likely explanation. He thinks he told her, she thinks he didn't. There was too much going on.
Yet another reason why schools needed to be funded better. A less harassed teacher will pick up things more easily.

I’m a teacher and can see no reason why the teacher would lie. Bear in mind the sheer amount of things we get told when children come in from playtime, I would still have a quick check and pass it on to the first aider for them to look at and to decide if we need to call home if the child had said they’d put a stone in their ear. I’d be pretty confident that all of my colleagues in my school would do the same too - they’re not going to ignore a comment like that.
If I were you I would stress to your child the importance of not putting stones in their nose/ear/mouth but also how important it is to ensure he clearly tells the teachers about things like that going forward.

Some teachers are rubbish. Some aren't. There's no way of knowing whether your DS told the teacher and they heard him but dismissed it. Or if he didn't say anything. Or if he did but they didn't hear it. You won't get to the bottom of it.
What you need to decide is whether you still trust the school and are happy for your DS to be there. That's all that matters.

I'd leave it. It could be either has lied and you'll not gain anything. Choose your battles carefully. Save it for something more serious. Your dc is fine. You'll be labelled as one of those parents and won't be taken seriously in the future.

Teachers of four year olds don't ignore stuff like that. If your child said he put a stone in his ear, and the teacher heard, she would check, or send him along to the office so somebody else could check. Suggesting she is lying is just ridiculous. She either didn't hear him or he didn't tell her because he knew fine well he hadn't done it 'accidentally' and was worried he'd get into trouble for doing something silly. You need to stop with the aggressive 'I want an apology' attitude or the next 14 years are going to be a real trial. He's at school now and he will have occasional accidents, he will fall over, he will get hurt, he will do silly things because he is a little kid. Chill.

Exactly, what if it were something more serious?

Reading these responses have made me realize I have no interest in teaching in the UK ever again.
4 year olds do not always tell the whole truth. Teachers are overwhelmed and exhausted. Could be that no one is lying.