Teacher lying or son lying

[Gudinne]

Just looking for some advice. My son is four. On Friday after school he told me that his ear was sore because he had accidentally popped a small stone down it at school that morning. I asked if he had told a teacher, he said yes and told me which teacher he had told. It wasn't his normal class teacher who he said was not in school on Friday. I asked him what the teacher had said when he told her, he can't remember what she said but she didn't look in his ear. I couldn't see anything in his ear but took him to A&E where they removed a small stone from his ear. He is fine, no damage done.

I emailed school about this and asked in future if any staff become aware of anything that means my child needs medical attention they let me know immediately.

School has responded to say the teacher said my son never told her he had a stone in his ear. I believe my son and can't think of any reason why he would lie.

What if any further action should I take? His dad and my sis reckon do nothing as the teacher will just maintain her position so it's her word against that of my son. They reckon that there are probably teachers just like her in every school.

I would suggest that your child put the stone deliberately in their ear and then was scared they’d get in trouble. Then you asked the leading question and they just said yes.

Also, while a stone needs removing, it’s not a medical emergency to my mind. I’m not a medic though. By that I mean it’s fine to have waited til he got home.

I have 2 children and I often feel like this. It must be exhausting with 30! It's the times you nod and smile and then a few seconds later you realise what they actually just said: 'what do you mean you've flooded the bathroom/hidden a squirrel in the garage/eaten the dog's food?!'

This.

Children often think they've communicated something. But they've often not. Because being four brings with it communication challenges.

I hold many of you responsible for the absolute crisis in teaching. Who would want to go into a profession where people believe the word of a 4 year old- who can't remember what the teacher said so there is zero evidence he said anything at all or that she heard him - as gospel?

I can't think of any other profession which is held in such contempt its service users to such a degree. Even the police get more respect.

I can't help wondering if the fact that teaching is female dominated has something to do with it.

Am not a teacher incidentally, nor do I have any close friends or families who are.

I don't take anything as a gospel. What I know is that a teacher is trained and paid to listed to 4yo.

Imagine it was something else, not a trivial stone in the ear? Imagine that the child disclosed something that happened to then, like abuse or sexual violence, and the teacher paid no attention and then tried to cover her arse?

Don't blame the children, blame bad teachers for the decline in the professional standards.

At that age my son often convinced himself that he had done what, with the benefit of hindsight, he ought to have done - not what he actually did.

It wasn’t until he told me a massive lie when I’d seen from a distance what really happened that I was forced to accept that sometimes their version of events is more fantasy than reality.

That is an absurd comparison. You're clearly not able to have a reasoned discussion so I don't think there's any point in my engaging further.

Doubt it. If it were up to me men would not be allowed to be teachers for obvious reasons but even so, it doesn’t mean that teachers should be beyond reproach as so often seems to be the case on this forum.

Many do in fact lie when faced with situations that could get them in trouble. I can’t believe anybody would think otherwise.

Wtf?? What are the ‘obvious reasons’?

If he can't remember what the teacher replied his memory obviously isn't good enough to take his recollections as gospel. Or maybe she didn't reply because she didn't hear him above other children. Playgrounds or classrooms of 4 year olds aren't always silent.

Why is it absurd?

If a teacher doesn't pay attention to what I child says then they can be missing anything.

Why is it absurd? If a teacher doesn't pay attention to what I child says then they can be missing anything.

Yeah @Clymene, the teacher could be missing anything, like the fact that the child is on fire. There is absolutely no difference between a child having something in their ear and a child being sexually abused, while on fire.

Why do you want little Timmy to burn you monster?

You can be as flippant as you want, but if a teacher is not paying attention to trivial matters then they won't be paying attention to a child disclosing abuse.

But of course it's all cheap sarcasm and fun for you.

On thé other side, it’s the teacher job to know 4yo might have communication challenges and be particularly careful about it…..
So really they ought to check if there is any doubt.

What if it's not Timmy?

What is it's little Kasia or Zeinab? Is that just as funny as little Timmy?

When my son was in primary school I noticed his eyes looked different on waking up one morning, he staggered getting out of bed and his speech was slightly slurred. I took him to A&e where we were informed he had a serious concussion, he'd hit his head the previous day playing rugby on concrete - this was due to one boy forgetting his boots.
My son told me the teacher had picked him up, checked his head and told him to sit out.

I obviously contacted the school but the pe said it never happened. I demanded to see the cctv and sure enough it happened exactly as my son had said. He was fired.

I know this is a much more serious incident than a stone in the ear but teachers (just as many others) can panic and lie. I'm not saying she did im saying it does happen.

The thing is , did your son actually tell the teacher that he put a stone in his ear? Or did he just tell her his ear is sore/he lost his stone/ it fell in (but not what it is or where it went) and so on? The teacher is denying that your son told her that he had a stone in his ear. Which is very possible and not a lie.

Your son thinks he told the teacher which again is very possible and not a lie, but not the actual words he used. However, in his eyes he did tell a teacher.

What if it's not Timmy? What is it's little Kasia or Zeinab? Is that just as funny as little Timmy?

No, Timmy is funnier. I'd be upset if poor Kasia was on fire and the teacher ignored her. Binkie, Phylis and Tarquin would also be funny.

Did the school tell you they fired the teacher because of this? I'm surprised they'd disclose this to parents

Why?

I think this is most likely. He told the teacher but it wasn’t clear that this was a problem.

I have no idea. Some names are just funnier than others.

Dear God... why on earth would a teacher lie about this?! I really do worry about some people's ability to parent, or even just be a functioning member of society when we see posts like this OP.

🙄I despair.

Why is Timmy funnier than Kasia? Why is Tarquin funnier than Zeinab?

Presume that your son is different to most four year olds and definitely told the teacher though he can’t remember in any detail what happened in response. Presume he is essentially truthful and that the professional caring for a class of thirty is a devious arse covering wanker. By high school you are going to be very active on the parent’s Facebook page and possibly on the special teacher list of special parents. Or you could seek to build relationships because usually if you fail to support staff then you end up failing to build any relationship between them and you/your child which limits success more than you might imagine.