Teacher lying or son lying

[Gudinne]

Just looking for some advice. My son is four. On Friday after school he told me that his ear was sore because he had accidentally popped a small stone down it at school that morning. I asked if he had told a teacher, he said yes and told me which teacher he had told. It wasn't his normal class teacher who he said was not in school on Friday. I asked him what the teacher had said when he told her, he can't remember what she said but she didn't look in his ear. I couldn't see anything in his ear but took him to A&E where they removed a small stone from his ear. He is fine, no damage done.

I emailed school about this and asked in future if any staff become aware of anything that means my child needs medical attention they let me know immediately.

School has responded to say the teacher said my son never told her he had a stone in his ear. I believe my son and can't think of any reason why he would lie.

What if any further action should I take? His dad and my sis reckon do nothing as the teacher will just maintain her position so it's her word against that of my son. They reckon that there are probably teachers just like her in every school.

All that means is he knows which teacher was in his class that morning. Not that he definitely told her. He can't remember what she said when he told her.

It could be that he didn't tell the teacher and he is telling you he did as he knows that's the expected action and thinks, in his little child way, he might be in trouble if he didn't.
It could be that he told her and she has forgotten.
It could be that he was going to tell the teacher and got distracted.
It could be that he started to tell her, but not really what the problem was, so it was missed.
It could be that he did tell and she is lying.

Do you have other reasons to believe she is 'a teacher like this' - which I assume you mean is one who lies.

Sometimes young kids will talk at someone without getting their attention first and assume they heard them.

The teacher may have been tending to other children when your son talked at her and she may have never heard anything

how could she know it was a genuine medical emergency tho, kids make up stuff all the time and you cant see into someones lug hole to prove it
he probably said something along the lines off "theres something in my ear"
she maybe thought he was on about noise or he had poked it with something

This x 1000

Of course the teacher has a reason to lie. They didn't check what happened because they most likely they did not believe the child and want to weasel out now.

The op couldn't see anything when she looked so chances are even if the teacher had looked she wouldn't have either. Believe me, your average infant school teacher believes that a child might decide to stick something in their ear - or any other orifice tbh. We totally expect them to do stuff like this!

If he did tell her then maybe she did have a quick look and not see anything, and then she has totally forgotten the very quick interaction by this stage,

Or yes, she could be just lying.

It is the mother who took him to A and E, not the school.

Why would the child lie?!

Jesus fucking christ. Well, kids lie. But what is far more likely is he’s not lying but he’s 4 and a bit shit at recounting things that happened.

But no, you go with the “there are teachers like this in every school” line. Good thing is that because of parents like some of the ones on this thread, teachers are leaving the profession in their thousands so none of you will need to worry about it soon.

Yes!! Children are very very suggestible. When I accidentally ask a child a leading question, I get frustrated with myself because there's no going back from it. If you really want to know what happened, ask an open-ended question.

I can’t speak for this particular situation, but as a teacher I will say kids very quickly learn the correct answer to “did you tell the teacher?” is “yeah!” We ask our children if they told someone so often. My pencil broke, my tummy hurts, Timmy said I smell! Did you tell the teacher? No! Well, why not? The easiest answer is “yes”.

Why on earth do you imagine a teacher would lie about this? If a child told me something like that, let's just say I thought they were just messing about and dismissed them and then I later discovered it was true, I would simply say 'oh sorry, I thought it was a wind up as we were in the classroom and there are no stones' or something like that. Why do you think the adult is lying? Parents can be bonkers.

Just because someone has "no reason" to ignore doesn't mean they did not ignore it.

We have poster after poster saying that the teacher very likely paid no attention to the child and probably just said "that's nice dear!", so yes, it is likely they ignored the child, with or without reason.

Wow! The minority of people turning this into a binary liar/ not liar - who has the most to lose? Believe your son! - issue, had better hope their children’s teachers are more sophisticated. If they aren’t, they can look forward to years of referrals to outside support and agencies as teachers solemnly read and listen to their children’s accounts of watching TV and eating sweets ALL weekend, mummy or daddy getting cross and shouting for NO REASON, and siblings being mean to them about which mummy didn’t do anything.

My daughter’s weekend diaries were all about DVDs and “sweaties” because these were a prized comparative rarity. Walks, Sunday lunch with grandparents, drawing, baking etc rarely got a mention, nope, she watched DVDs all weekend and ate “sweaties”. She wasn’t lying, it’s just this was the best bit of the weekend for her at 5 years old and so the most memorable.

I once looked after a very, very bright 6 year old for a week who told me all the other students mummy paid to look after her took their clothes off and danced on the kitchen island, they also let her do anything she wanted. Bitch that I am, I didn’t believe her and kept my clothes on. She shut me out later when I took rubbish out to the bins and when I was cool with her when she let me back in, she asked me why I wasn’t being so friendly and I explained that she hadn’t been nice to me, shutting me out of the house and I would never do that to her, - how would she feel if someone did that to her? She burst into tears and told me she’d tell mummy and daddy I was horrible to her and then I wouldn’t get my cheque! I’m sure her parents never imagined she would say such things in their wildest dreams! The little girl wasn’t a monster, just a super-bright child flexing her muscles with paid carers she knew wouldn’t want to upset her mum (Fellow at my college). By the end of the week we got on like a house on fire and she was good company. I imagine she’s grown up to be a perfectly normal woman, not a pathological liar forever attempting relative strangers to strip and dance for her.

Some parents are clueless about children. I recommend The Secret Life of Four Year Olds. It’s a wonderful and eye-opening series. At that children are learning and processing so much.

My daughter managed to gold a good sized piece of paper into a tiny square and stick in her ear.
Apparently she told her teacher too but I don't think she did as by the time I knew about it (hospital estimated it had been there at least a week) she had a stinky infection and deafness due to it blocking the eardrum and wax not escaping.
I asked the teacher and she said nope definitely not mentioned as anything in ears would be a phone call home immediately for parents to collect.
Kids bending the truth hey 🤔who would have thought it 🤣

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you would suggest that teachers lie, what a horrible thing to say. Don’t generalise like that. By the way it’s the child that lied because children constantly lie”

Mumsnet 2023

Have you NEVER met a child?

This. It's terrifying to think that some of the people who post stuff like this really do have kids. How do they manage?

Are you on glue?

Teacher here. It is more likely that she didn't understand/hear what he was saying. There is no way she would leave him with a stone in his ear if she knew he had one in there.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you would suggest that teachers lie, what a horrible thing to say. Don’t generalise like that. By the way it’s the child that lied because children constantly lie. Also, are you on glue?”

Mumsnet 2023

Are you under the impression that all these posts are from one person call 'mumsnet'?

@SandraCumin Good luck getting a replacement if you demand this teacher leaves.

OP it's unlikely the teacher lied intentionally, it's also possible your ds thought he had told her but for whatever reason, the teacher didn't hear.

The main thing is your DS is OK and hopefully won't put anything else in his ear.

How does one go about accidentally popping a small stone down one’s ear?

Your partner and sister are incorrect. There isn’t ‘one in every school’ as suggested. There’s many. In fact, ALL teachers are like it. There’s a tally in the staff room for teachers to count up how many times they’ve lied to adults and/or children that week. Bonus points for making the child out to be a liar. Winner gets their break duty covered.

😂😂😂

I would want to believe my child too, but I work in a school and some of the lies that are told are believed by parents who then kick off.

One example, a child told their parent I had locked them in a room - gave accurate names of various staff who were implicated, a fairly plausible story etc. Parent screaming down the phone at me when I'd done no such thing!

What if any further action should I take?
You and your son could do a sad face article with the local rag. They could do a close up of the stone.

Thanks for the replies. My son's speech is clear. The staff at A&E were readily able to understand him and he is not familiar to them.

I definitely made a mistake asking the leading question - did you tell a teacher?

I didn't expect the school to have prevented him from putting a stone in his ear. I do want school staff to listen to my son if he says there is an issue and to notify me. My son hasn't come to any harm in this incident. If my son did tell the teacher, as he said he did, I would have appreciated an apology from the techer for not listening to him / not believing him, not filling in the accident book and not telling me.

It's not about blame or making life more difficult for teachers. It's about being confident that the school will so far as reasonably practical protect my son's health and wellbeing whilst he is in their care and be accountable for any shortcoming.