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Original poster

First Mother's Day and partner won't spend it with me

159 replies

Anna1998 · 12/03/2023 17:01

Am I right to feel a bit sad that my partner is spending Mother's Day with his mum instead of me and baby when it's my first ever Mother's Day? I won't even see him at all not even an hour as he's away that weekend with his mum. I know he loves his mum but I thought he would have made a bit of an effort considering it's my first one!

OP posts:
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Lavender14 · 12/03/2023 20:18

Out of curiosity where does one get one of these breakfast in bed making, present shopping, mum spoiling babies? I think mine might be broken all he did today was poo on me...

Notonthestairs · 12/03/2023 20:23

Apparently you are not supposed to celebrate Mothers Day until the child can shop for themselves.
Meantime you just have watch other Mothers celebrating and count down the years til Child does paper round or something.

Anyway Op - you sound like a lovely mum and I hope you do get to do something nice that day. You deserve it.

BeExcellent2EachOther · 12/03/2023 20:23

Sounds to me like he's just taking the easier option.

He has the choice of spending time with you and his DC, presumably having to spend some time caring for his baby and treating you nicely (I.E. not leaving you to do everything baby, food and cleaning related).

Or he can stay with his mum, have a nice meal, chat, not do any parenting or real work.

By staying with his mum "for Mother's Day" he gets a whole fortnight off from being a parent.

At this stage of the child's life he should be gutted he's not seeing her every day and racing to see her every weekend. But he's a half-arsed parent and "partner", so he's taking the easier option.

If he wanted to be with you and his child he would be.

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Anotherturnipforthebooks · 12/03/2023 20:24

Crazycrazylady · 12/03/2023 19:47

Remember this Op when your baby boy chooses to spend Mother's Day with his wife instead of you.
Yabu
It's a day for your mother and it's a positive sign that he wants to spend the day with her .

If my son ever did this to his partner I would be furious with him.

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 12/03/2023 20:29

Was there a reason for him not moving into your parents place with you?

I understand you're both young and in a difficult position but it seems strange that you didn't all stay together if you lived with each other before,

Pubesofsoberness · 12/03/2023 20:32

Well we know who the future Shite mils are anyway

MissingMoominMamma · 12/03/2023 20:35

ReadersD1gest · 12/03/2023 17:57

He needs to understand that he has two Mothers to think of on Mothers Day - both of you are equally important
No, he has not. He has one mother and one wife.
Ffs!

The mother of his child.

Mariposa26 · 12/03/2023 20:37

Hercisback · 12/03/2023 18:05

I can't believe the response to this. Why would you leave a new mother alone all day on mother's day? The baby can't exactly spoil the OP. Her partner can.

By all means he should see his mum, not be there all day/weekend.

This. People are on here are batshit

KrasiTime · 12/03/2023 20:38

Pubesofsoberness · 12/03/2023 20:32

Well we know who the future Shite mils are anyway

Quite

Original poster
Anna1998 · 12/03/2023 20:46

Notonthestairs · 12/03/2023 20:23

Apparently you are not supposed to celebrate Mothers Day until the child can shop for themselves.
Meantime you just have watch other Mothers celebrating and count down the years til Child does paper round or something.

Anyway Op - you sound like a lovely mum and I hope you do get to do something nice that day. You deserve it.

Thank you for this message. That is kind of you. To be honest I feel like I shouldn't have posted this now as it's making me feel really low from other responses and making me rethink everything. I know I do everything and get no free time but I love my baby girl and I will always put her first. Him on the other hand I guess will not. Just very confused now. Yes we are young but we are adults. I'm in my early 20s he is in his mid 20s. The reason we didn't live together with each other parents is because his mothers house is really small so we wouldn't get any privacy and also I personally didn't want to live with her as she can be overbearing at times. I'm obviously more comfortable with my own parents especially at a time after giving birth! However his job is in his own city so he wouldn't be able to stay here full time that's why he visits on weekends. We are actively trying to find a place to live where he is and go to viewings etc just we haven't been lucky just yet or accepted for one yet

OP posts:
ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 12/03/2023 20:50

Anna1998 · 12/03/2023 20:46

Thank you for this message. That is kind of you. To be honest I feel like I shouldn't have posted this now as it's making me feel really low from other responses and making me rethink everything. I know I do everything and get no free time but I love my baby girl and I will always put her first. Him on the other hand I guess will not. Just very confused now. Yes we are young but we are adults. I'm in my early 20s he is in his mid 20s. The reason we didn't live together with each other parents is because his mothers house is really small so we wouldn't get any privacy and also I personally didn't want to live with her as she can be overbearing at times. I'm obviously more comfortable with my own parents especially at a time after giving birth! However his job is in his own city so he wouldn't be able to stay here full time that's why he visits on weekends. We are actively trying to find a place to live where he is and go to viewings etc just we haven't been lucky just yet or accepted for one yet

Show quote history

Why does it have to be where he is? Why didn't he also equally prioritise looking for a job near his girlfriend and newborn baby so he could move in with you? Then you could have taken the option that came up first, job where you are or house where he is.

Survey99 · 12/03/2023 20:52

My mum/dad visited each of their own parents on mothers/fathers day, dh and I did the same. We both actively encouraged each other, even more so when our parents got older. Most of my friends (in our 50s) are similar.

This generation of needy, selfish spouses will reap what they sow.

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 12/03/2023 20:55

Survey99 · 12/03/2023 20:52

My mum/dad visited each of their own parents on mothers/fathers day, dh and I did the same. We both actively encouraged each other, even more so when our parents got older. Most of my friends (in our 50s) are similar.

This generation of needy, selfish spouses will reap what they sow.

Either you haven't bothered to read this thread or you're being incredibly harsh.

Pubesofsoberness · 12/03/2023 20:56

Survey99 · 12/03/2023 20:52

My mum/dad visited each of their own parents on mothers/fathers day, dh and I did the same. We both actively encouraged each other, even more so when our parents got older. Most of my friends (in our 50s) are similar.

This generation of needy, selfish spouses will reap what they sow.

I'll visit my mum now my dc are older and she's on her own

I wouldn't expect my adult dc to put me ahead of his partner and young baby though. That to me would be selfish

Autienotnautie · 12/03/2023 21:09

Well you know what to do on Father's Day ......

Snugglemonkey · 12/03/2023 21:10

Ponderingwindow · 12/03/2023 17:34

So really, you are all ok with a father just disappearing and leaving a mother to do all the parenting on Mother’s Day. She doesn’t get breakfast in bed or have less work to do. She actually gets a harder day because dad leaves her with a baby all by herself.

this has to be the twilight zone.

This! I cannot wrap my head around it at all. I am fucked if I am spending my day, which is supposed to celebrate me doing extra work while dp is off with his mother. He will be here, helping my children make it special or there will be a serious problem.

userxx · 12/03/2023 21:13

Merlott · 12/03/2023 17:22

Is it his baby?

Very weird, you're the Mother now so it's your day.

Utterly fucked up that he's leaving you alone to visit his own mum!!!

Eh ? You're being sarcastic aren't you.

olderthanyouthink · 12/03/2023 21:13

Ponderingwindow · 12/03/2023 17:34

So really, you are all ok with a father just disappearing and leaving a mother to do all the parenting on Mother’s Day. She doesn’t get breakfast in bed or have less work to do. She actually gets a harder day because dad leaves her with a baby all by herself.

this has to be the twilight zone.

My thoughts exactly

Codlingmoths · 12/03/2023 21:20

Is he useful when he’s there on weekends? Does he change nappies and get up at nights? Put washing away? Or does he just get to float into visit his baby, have a cuddle, and back to his real life wiht no responsibilities and mummy looking after him? So it hasn’t occurred to him you get any credit for being a mother, since he hasn’t paid any attention?
Because he’s clearly a mummy’s boy, so he may not actually be a partner/dad.

SophiaLaB · 12/03/2023 21:23

If your mums away can you not go and spend the weekend with him, his mum and your child at her house? Has he not suggested this? I wouldn’t have a problem with my DH being with his mum instead of me but my DS is 17 and I probably would have felt differently when he was a new born.

Notonthestairs · 12/03/2023 21:25

Survey99 · 12/03/2023 20:52

My mum/dad visited each of their own parents on mothers/fathers day, dh and I did the same. We both actively encouraged each other, even more so when our parents got older. Most of my friends (in our 50s) are similar.

This generation of needy, selfish spouses will reap what they sow.

So on your first Morhers Day you didn't see your partner that weekend at all and you didn't receive a card or bunch of daffodils?

VioletaDelValle · 12/03/2023 21:45

This generation of needy, selfish spouses will reap what they sow.

Yeah it's soooooo selfish of my DH to acknowledge I'm the mother of his child. I can't believe I married such a selfish man 🙄

determinedtomakethiswork · 12/03/2023 21:53

Unwellhousehold · 12/03/2023 17:06

It's mother's day, he should be spending it with his mother.

And leave his partner at home with a new baby on their first Mother's Day?

Crazycrazylady · 12/03/2023 22:18

I think that when someone gets into a committed relationship , it's then expected that they spend the key occasions together Christmas, Birthdays. Then there are the other couple specific days like anniversaries and valentines where couples treat each other. Mothers get one day a year to be made a fuss off and some people on here think they as the spouse should get priority on that day as well as the 'mother of their child' I totally agree that when kids are young , it's nice if spouse picks up a card and gift on their behalf but I would expect my dh to visit his mom on Mother's Day. I have three boys and hope in years to come that my future dil won't try and commandeer that day as well.
To all on here who say of course the partner should be the priority, I wonder if you'll feel that way jn twenty years when your kids are grown up and your son doesn't celebrate with you as he is spending the day celebration his wife.

ImCrunchyOnTheOutside · 12/03/2023 22:23

Stroopwaffle5000 · 12/03/2023 17:50

Can you not just celebrate it on a different day?

Her very first Mother’s Day?! His DM has had loads of mother’s days, why can’t she celebrate it on a different day then?

I don’t get these responses at all. Just bizarre.