First Mother's Day and partner won't spend it with me

[Anna1998]

Am I right to feel a bit sad that my partner is spending Mother's Day with his mum instead of me and baby when it's my first ever Mother's Day? I won't even see him at all not even an hour as he's away that weekend with his mum. I know he loves his mum but I thought he would have made a bit of an effort considering it's my first one!

Dont be so ridiculous. Some people see their mums on mothers day, others choose to spend the day with wives who are not their mums, some manage to do both in the same day.

Each to there own. Choosing a way that is different from what you would personally choose doesn't make anyone an arsehole or an idiot. If anything using that language says much more about you.

I spent my mothers days and fathers days with my mum and dad, leaving poor dh all alone and he never gave a jot.

I assume your mum isn’t around.

He is of course going to want to spend Mother’s Day with him mum and not his wife.
Thats why it’s called Mother’s Day.

When your child is older then he may want to stay with you both as they’ll want to celebrate it too but a baby won’t be celebrating it.

It would be nice if all of you did something together.
He could cook you and your mum a roast.

Thanks for the replies! And thanks for those understanding my feelings, also to others that are defending him I understand his mum is important to him and should be celebrated too but I just thought as it's my first one he would make a bit of an effort for me from my little baby girl who is 2 months old! We don't live with each other, he lives with his mother in a different city and comes here every weekend on his days off (we are currently trying to find a place to live together. So I'm living with my parents whilst we are waiting-my mum is actually away this month in her home country) so as he's with his mum every evening all week and I'm here looking after the baby without him every day I thought he would still come that weekend and make it extra special as it's my first Mother's Day and he could always do something with his mum one of the eves he is there. This also means it will be two weeks till we see him meaning I get no break!! So that's why I am upset. I get in the future he should make an efffort for both of us but just as it's my first one I thought it be nice to do something all together as a family. His mum expects him to do something with her.

If he lives with his mum then he absolutely should be spending it with her and showing her that he appreciates her allowing him to live there etc.

It’s annoying that you don’t get a break for 2 weeks but if you don’t like close by and when it’s an occasion like this it can’t be helped.
Hopefully you’ll get a place together soon which will mean you’ll get a much more regular break.

Right, I was on your side anyway but following your update then I definitely think he's in the wrong!

He does hardly any childcare stuff, sees his mum almost every day and this Mother's Day arrangement means he won't see either you or the baby for two weeks?! Nope.

Regardless of Mothers Day I'd expect my partner to visit me and our child at least once during the weekend - or at the least find some time during the fortnight he's absent to see you both.

I think he's being a bit of a git actually.

So he sees her all the time and lives with her? Omg
I really feel for you
Are you sure he really wants to leave his mums? What a shit

Eh? Lives with Mother and can treat her any day of the week but can't facilitate Mothers Day treat at all that weekend for the Op?

Dreadful.

I too am surprised at those who think DP’s plans are acceptable, of course he should see his mum but a whole weekend away whilst leaving OP holding the baby? I’m also questioning the MIL’s motives, this says a lot about her unless there is a big back story that hasn’t (yet) been mentioned.

@Anna1998 does your DP celebrate your birthday etc? Does he have form for not being particularly thoughtful? I think a discussion is needed to set out expectations, it’s Father’s Day in June and I would be asking him if you going away for that weekend would be okay.

That’s not what she’s saying though is it? Her husband shout be spending the day with the mother of his child!

As I thought. You had a baby with a man wgo will not marry you. Luve with you.

Why, why did you do this? You are so incredibly vulnerable. Never mind bloody mothers day.

Not her husband. Not living together.
Lives with his mother.

@Anna1998 your update is really sad. What do you get from this relationship? Your needs are not being met and it sounds as though his mother is very controlling and/or he lacks emotional maturity. I hope you can enjoy a lovely day with your baby, and I hope you have a decent support network too. I cannot believe his treatment of you, the mother of his baby 💐

Honestly blown away at some of these responses!

DP should be spending the day with you and baby. To ensure you, as the mother is spoiled.

Thats not to say he shouldn’t spend it with his mother either. But I think the fact you’re not even getting acknowledged is hurtful! X

Irrelevant. The fact he sees his mother every day and only sees his partner and DC at the weekend means he should be spending it with her. Ridiculous

He does not give a shit. HTH.

I understand how you feel. I would feel hurt too. He probably is feeling torn. I would advise enjoying the day with your beautiful new baby and never know, maybe he has a little suprise for you. X

This is just an excuse for him to have a weekend off his responsibilities.

Just get rid of him.

I think the fact he is so nice to his DM shows he is a good lad . This will be good for you too in the future . I know this sounds really awful but he won't have his DM forever . I remember saying that about my own to my own DSs and they went mad ! But I just meant we had her every Xmas and NYE because we knew we could go away in the years following . You've got a good un there I'm sure xx

This sounds like a very poor relationship.
Why did you have a child under these circumstances?

I'm also baffled because there is another thread running where a mother is annoyed that her grown son is not visiting her for Mother's Day and most posters have said she is unreasonable to expect this.

After your update he's even more useless! I remember my first mother's day. It's actually (trying not to sound corney) really exciting and lovely! His mums had plenty of mothers day and this is your first.

Are you sure he lives with his mother and not with another woman with whom he has to do all the mother’s day stuff? Did you see him on Christmas day?
Surely he would just organise a lunch to celebrate you and his mother together?

Not a really nice or helpful comment. We have been together for two and a half years I got pregnant last spring just before my uni graduation, it was a surprise but we both decided to continue with pregnancy and we both love our little baby girl so much! We were living together, the only reason why we aren't currently living with each other was our tenancy was up for renewal a few weeks before my due date and we didn't want to carry on living there as we had a Neighbor who was always having issues and not very nice keeping us up all night long so we decided it wasn't the best place to bring up a baby. We couldn't find a different place in time and as I was heavily pregnant I didn't want to deal with the stress so we decided to go home to parents for a few months and save and are currently looking for something else whilst I'm on maternity leave

These comments are ridiculous.

Why should OP spend her Mother’s Day solo parenting? No one can claim a mother of an adult child needs recognition and time off more than a new mum of a young baby? My MIL would be furious if my husband tried to leave me with our young children for an entire day on Mother’s Day. She loves time with DH of course, but she also values and appreciates me and how difficult it is raising a young family.

Your child isn’t old enough to make you feel loved and appreciated. That’s your DH’s job.