My sons bully's are coming for a sleep over

[Clockwise123]

Hi, I desperately need some advice please.
My son was bullied at school and moved schools because of it last year (year 8, age 13). My girlfriends son, same age, is friends with these boys and wants to have them over for his birthday for a sleep over. I do not want them in our home, but my gf insists her son should not miss out.

My son is due to be at his mums, so won't be here. It still doesn't sit right with me though.

We all live together, and share parental responsibility with our children's other parents.

1. How will my son feel knowing they've been in his home? He will say it's OK if I speak to him about it, but that's the way he is. Never wants to make a fuss, or cause any issues.
2. I'm not sure how I will feel having these children in our home, knowing what they did to my son.
3. I could potentially have an issue with my sons mum if/when she finds out that these boys have been in my our home.

I don't want my step son to miss out. It feels really hard to deal with.

It feels like I'm being made to feel like I'm over reacting. The phrase that I keep being told is "it's not all about your son"

Any thoughts or advice? What would you do?

Sadly not 🙈 very much still hiding the pain and putting on a brave face.

I don't know what autocorrect did there!

It’s an absolute no from me too. Unbelievable of your gf to even be thinking of it. It certainly IS all about your son in this instance - and so it should be.

I'd be furious if my gf thought it was no big deal to have people in the house who had made my child's life a misery.
I'd he seriously questioning what the F they were thinking.
If my child was treated that way and the bullies had the front to show their faces and not even have the grace to be ashamed I'd be more than a bit angry. For your gf to be pressuring for that is sick.

Honestly, maybe you all shouldn't be living together. Especially if she's only a "girlfriend" and not a spouse or long-term partner.

Not in a million years would this be happening.

Not sure I’ve ever seen a unanimous opinion on mumsnet but it really should tell you what you wanted to know OP. Your GF is being outrageously callous and selfish. Apart from not letting these thugs into your home you also need to get out of that relationship.

No. No way. There are plenty of other things to do on a birthday. It doesn't have to be a sleepover. I would be very disappointed (to say the least) if my child chose to remain friends with ANY bullies, let alone bullies who had made the life of someone with such a close connection within the family, a misery.

It would be a cold day in hell before those bullies, who physically attacked your son, crossed my threshold. The attitude of your GF and her son is worrying, he lied and she is dismissive about your son and what he went through. If you really cannot stop the invasion of the bullies, make sure your son's room is locked and I'd be giving them a hard stare all bloody evening, and doing the opposite of making them welcome. This would be the end of the relationship for me, I'd be dumping the cold hearted bitch asap.

No way!

If SS is friends with the bully. SS is likely to be there when the bullying happens. It doesn't sound like she cares about your son's or your feelings.

Your gf's son is choosing these bullies over your son. It might be hard for him to find different 'friends' but he needs to learn what a good moral compass looks like. And you need to show one, for your son's sake. We can't necessarily control what other people do, we can control how we respond.

That sucks 💐

Your gf and her son are both nasty pricks. If someone who bullied & assaulted me had been in my house, where I sleep and all my things are, where I should feel safe, I would be horrified. If my parent allowed it I would never ever forgive them. Also I wouldn’t be surprised if your son’s mum went ballistic on finding out you’d allowed this to happen.

I couldn’t agree to that. Seems disrespectful to your son.

Definitely make sure his room is off limits.

If I were your gf, and your son was stepson, not only would those bullies be setting foot in the house but my son would be forbidden from being friends with them.

OP, you must advocate for your son. Show him he matters, even if it means the end of your relationship. And let’s face it, the fact that your gf doesn’t seem to care about her stepson and horrific ordeal he endured is surely a dealbreaker in itself?

Banter? Setting aside the fact that “banter” is the pathetic excuse bullies trot out all the time because it puts the blame firmly back on to the bullied person for not having a sense of humour, not being resilient, misreading the situation etc etc, “banter” is words, and words can’t tear clothing or inflict bruises.

Your gf needs to have a serious talk with her child, he probably doesn’t understand consent issues either.

100% not a chance

YANBU, how awfully your son would feel let down but his dad if you allowed them into his home after all they’ve obviously put him through. Your girlfriend is being sooo selfish!

This would be a dealbreaker for me. Your GF doesn't appear to give a shit about your son or how he feels.

How would she react if the situation were reversed. It's your/DS home too. I would split up I think.

NO THEYRE NOT.
Put your foot down

This exactly. I wouldn’t trust them to not be in his room poking about his stuff. I do think your girlfriend is out of order here. She wouldn’t be happy if the roles were reversed.

No way.

and I would be questioning

1. Why your GF is ok with her son being friends with such horrible shits

AND

2. How much she actually cares for her stepson if she would allow these boys in to your family home?

I’m appalled she’s even considering letting them enter your home!

This! 🙌