My sons bully's are coming for a sleep over

[Clockwise123]

Hi, I desperately need some advice please.
My son was bullied at school and moved schools because of it last year (year 8, age 13). My girlfriends son, same age, is friends with these boys and wants to have them over for his birthday for a sleep over. I do not want them in our home, but my gf insists her son should not miss out.

My son is due to be at his mums, so won't be here. It still doesn't sit right with me though.

We all live together, and share parental responsibility with our children's other parents.

1. How will my son feel knowing they've been in his home? He will say it's OK if I speak to him about it, but that's the way he is. Never wants to make a fuss, or cause any issues.
2. I'm not sure how I will feel having these children in our home, knowing what they did to my son.
3. I could potentially have an issue with my sons mum if/when she finds out that these boys have been in my our home.

I don't want my step son to miss out. It feels really hard to deal with.

It feels like I'm being made to feel like I'm over reacting. The phrase that I keep being told is "it's not all about your son"

Any thoughts or advice? What would you do?

You're letting his enemies into his safe place.

Yep. This is one hill worth dying on.

I actually think you've got bigger problems than just the sleepover. Your girlfriend is being incredibly callous towards your son and I would have serious concerns about how she and your step son are around him when you're not there.

If you were my parent and you allowed my bullies into my home, I would never forgive you, would never set foot in that house again and even possibly not want a relationship with you going forwards. Are you willing to take that risk in order to keep your new girlfriend sweet?

It’s a betrayal. If someone I love and who’s supposed to care for me even gave my bully the time of day, I’d be hurt. To let them into my home for a sleepover is just unforgivable.

This. I wouldn't encourage a friendship with bullies. How can a kid be perfectly lovely and be kind to another child who his friends bully? Nah. I don't see how this relationship can work for your son.

Why does SHE want the kids who bullied your kid in her home?

If gf son really must have a sleep over with these nasty bullies he can do so at his fathers house.

Absolutely NO WAY would I have my son's bullies in my home.

Bullies ruin lives.

Your first job is to have your son's back. And that includes protecting him AND his safe space (his home for god's sake) from the bullies who made his life a misery.

There is no way that I would invite people into my home if they deliberately hurt/bullied/taunted/assaulted/abused my child or disrespected or treated my child as inconsequential. If I had a boy/girlfriend who couldn’t understand or respect that, I would ditch them immediately.

Curious to know what repercussions there were for these bullies.

You need to choose your son’s welfare over everything else. He needs to see you draw the line for him.

Your sons home is his safe place. Please do not allow them into his space, even if he isn't there

It would be a flat out no. What message is this giving to your poor son and to the bullies, being in your sons home and possibly in his bedroom. It’s a no for me.

Excellent point @Namethattune56.

No way, zero compromise. I would not be happy just with the fact the gf's son is friends with the bullies and mum is supporting the friendship. I'd be out of that relationship in a shot.

Hell no! Not in a million years, and if your girlfriend doesn’t understand that, I’d be thinking seriously about your relationship.

Just posting to up the volume of folks saying absolutely no fucking way!

I don't even know your son and I feel absolutely furious on his behalf.

Why don't BOTH adults in positions of care and trust in your home have your son's back 100%? This includes believing him if he says he's been bullied. As for "banter" - I was verbally bullied at school, which I guess some people could call "banter" - it has contributed a huge amount to the mental health problems that I have in my 50s. The point is that this has significantly affected your son - and if the physical evidence of the bullying was apparent in ripped clothes and the like, then this bullying was severe and he will still be recovering from what happened to him.

When people are burgled, it is very common for them to say that having possessions taken was distressing - but even more distressing was having someone that did not wish them well in their home, touching their things, taking away their feeling of being safe and protected.

If those bullies come into your house, go through your sons things, have a laugh at his expense, then that is your son's safe space totally violated.

Please protect your son and ensure that what should be his safe space is TOTALLY safe. That includes him knowing that ALL the people he lives with care about him and support him.

My son is being bullied at the moment. There is no fucking way I'd have them in my home and no way would I be with someone whose son associated with these bullies.

I reckon when he's older, your son will tell you that your stepson was part of the bullying.

I'd end this relationship as she is clearly not thinking about your son in anyway. This really shows she has not a single caring bone in her body about your son.

This needs some more input from OP. Its way bigger than a yes or no. He has a major relationship malfunction

It should be a flat no to this happening and a swift evaluation of your relationship. She clearly has no consideration for how your son must feel.

Do you really want to spend your life with someone that lacking empathy?

Your poor son :( your gf is a dickhead

I won't lie I wasn't particularly close to my step son but no way on earth would his bullies come in my home whether they were my sons friends or not and I'd tell my son why. Your partner obviously dislikes him. That is full on savage and sounds like something from a film. Imagine the anxiety of knowing your bullies were in your home, sat on your sofa, touching things. That's full on nasty of her op.

My sister is friends on Facebook with my old bully and that makes me a bit sad as a grown woman. Couldn't imagine how I'd feel if she invited her round.

Have you told her how it makes you feel?

This would be an absolute hard line No from me.
How can your son be secure in the home he has with you if he knows you have allowed the people who tormented him into your/his house?
I can see this being an issue of trust too. He looks to you to protect him, he trusts his parent to do that. By letting the bullies in, it would erode that trust.

Your son moved schools to get away from these bullies and they are now being invited to stay in his home overnight by an adult that is supposed to be caring for him. Whether or not its the other lad's birthday is irrelevant, the only sane response is a great big fucking NO WAY! Your GF is 100% out of order for even considering that this might happen.

I way in this earth would these children set foot in my home. The boy who bullied my son changed him, changed the way he looks at the world.

Our home is my children's safe place and there is nobody I would compromise that for. To be honest, it would be a dealbreaker for the relationship that your girlfriend has even suggested it.