My sons bully's are coming for a sleep over

[Clockwise123]

Hi, I desperately need some advice please.
My son was bullied at school and moved schools because of it last year (year 8, age 13). My girlfriends son, same age, is friends with these boys and wants to have them over for his birthday for a sleep over. I do not want them in our home, but my gf insists her son should not miss out.

My son is due to be at his mums, so won't be here. It still doesn't sit right with me though.

We all live together, and share parental responsibility with our children's other parents.

1. How will my son feel knowing they've been in his home? He will say it's OK if I speak to him about it, but that's the way he is. Never wants to make a fuss, or cause any issues.
2. I'm not sure how I will feel having these children in our home, knowing what they did to my son.
3. I could potentially have an issue with my sons mum if/when she finds out that these boys have been in my our home.

I don't want my step son to miss out. It feels really hard to deal with.

It feels like I'm being made to feel like I'm over reacting. The phrase that I keep being told is "it's not all about your son"

Any thoughts or advice? What would you do?

How will my son feel know they’ve been in his home.

Pretty betrayed and worried I imagine. He’s going to be thinking are they going to be there all the time so I can’t even escape these bullies in my own home. It’s all very well saying he won’t be there this time but what about next time and so on. Her son shouldn’t have to miss out well they’ll have to find somewhere else to have the sleep over, won’t they. Her sons wants do not over ride in any way your sons right to not feel afraid in his own home. She sounds like a right selfish cow to be perfectly honest and that’s an insult to cows.

This would be my hill I would die on....do yourself a favour ditch the gf ,if she seriously cannot or will not see how your sons sense of wellbeing will be affected then shes a fking numpty. You get one chance to be a cracking parent fuck it up and you have to live with the consequences every day for the rest of your life,You know your child must come first no question.

I don’t even have kids, and even I know this is a terrible idea.
Organise the sleepover for somewhere else

My god! Your son should be able to feel safe in his own home with you!!

No way would I allow this. I'm sorry but you need to ditch the girlfriend and quick. Your son needs to be able to rely on you to keep him safe not have his bullies to stay!! WTAF are you thinking!! Sorry to be harsh - but I think it's entirely justified in this situation.

How does your girlfriend treat your son? How does your stepson treat your son? I think these are the most important questions.

And yes the bullies will probably delight in going through his stuff and so on, and look for something else to bully him with and set it off again. Please protect him.

No, no a thousand times no.
Are you serious? How can you even think of being in their company let alone have them in the house? What kind of person even would consider this?

Not a chance would I have them in my house, it's telling your son that what happened doesn't matter, and that would be so wrong.

I’d be worried that your girlfriend is happy to allow boys who have ripped your child’s clothes and left bruises on him are allowed in your house. Why does she think that’s ok? What if it were her child’s bullies?

Please put your son first. Don’t allow them in your home. It shouldn’t even have been a consideration after what they have done to your son. You need to have a proper conversation with your GF. If she isn’t going to look out for your son and is happy for her own son to socialise with these boys then I’d review the relationship. Now is your time to step up and become a father.

Totally agree!

I bet the stepson was involved in the bullying. If your son is not the type to make a fuss he probably is keeping quiet because of your relationship with his mother. Time to rethink your relationship, any decent person would have your son's back, she obviously doesn't. Your poor son.

That’s poor, I wouldn’t allow it, I would expect my partner to be teachings her son about why these boys aren’t allowed around and the utter misery his step brother sadly experienced!

Fuck no. If the stepson is so desperate to have a sleepover with a bunch of bullies he can do it at his father’s house. There’s no way in hell I’d allow those shite hogs over my doorstep, and the fact that your girlfriend doesn’t completely support your son’s position is nuts. Why isn’t she angry? How on earth does she think it’s in ANY way appropriate or safe to have them in your DS’ safe place? Your son is the most important person in your life. You should be 100% don’t even have to think about it in his corner. His best interests come before yours, your girlfriends, her son, and your son’s bullies!

I would absolutely not have the for a sleepover. She can take them all somewhere like McDonald's or bowling. You are right!

This.

And what everyone else said.

THIS ⬆

Please don't betray your son by giving hospitality to these little brutes.

If your gf can't understand that - if she can't imagine how she and her son would feel if he had been the one bullied - then you really need another gf.

Not a chance I'd have them in my house.

No no and no

If the stepson is so desperate to have a sleepover with a bunch of bullies he can do it at his father’s house.
This

My youngest son was bullied and I'm trying to think how he would feel if his tormentors were invited to the house. He would have been devastated . There is absolutely no chance on earth that this should be happening....there are no mitigating circumstances whatsoever....what ever your g/f says. I'm amazed that as a mother she would even think like that!
Whatever you decide to do could have a lasting effect on your poor son. He will either feel completely let down or he'll know he has a dad he can look up to....to trust that you have his back and rightly put him first in this scenario.

If you allow this to happen you risk damaging your relationship with your son , possibly for ever. I can’t believe you are even considering it.

I am appalled that your GF thinks this is ok at all.

Absolutely 100% they do not come for a party at your poor son's house-for me it is condoning the bullying.

Advocate for your son!!

GF knows this and thinks these are good mates for her DS. Really hard NO from me on the relationship with the GF continuing. She is unfortunately not a good person, because she is minimising the hurt to your son and more importantly doesn't care about the character of her own child. In the interim, it depends on whose you as you live in; either you and your DS can move out, or you ask her to and definitely the child can't have friends over.

*whose home, rather than "whose you"