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Original poster

My sons bully's are coming for a sleep over

481 replies

Clockwise123 · 16/02/2023 12:38

Hi, I desperately need some advice please.
My son was bullied at school and moved schools because of it last year (year 8, age 13). My girlfriends son, same age, is friends with these boys and wants to have them over for his birthday for a sleep over. I do not want them in our home, but my gf insists her son should not miss out.

My son is due to be at his mums, so won't be here. It still doesn't sit right with me though.

We all live together, and share parental responsibility with our children's other parents.

  1. How will my son feel knowing they've been in his home? He will say it's OK if I speak to him about it, but that's the way he is. Never wants to make a fuss, or cause any issues.
  2. I'm not sure how I will feel having these children in our home, knowing what they did to my son.
  3. I could potentially have an issue with my sons mum if/when she finds out that these boys have been in my our home.

I don't want my step son to miss out. It feels really hard to deal with.

It feels like I'm being made to feel like I'm over reacting. The phrase that I keep being told is "it's not all about your son"

Any thoughts or advice? What would you do?

OP posts:
nopuppiesallowed · 16/02/2023 19:15

Two questions?
If your girlfriend's boss bullied her, would she be happy for you to bring him over for drinks - even if she wasn't there?
Does she really want her son to socialise with known bullies?
Wouldn't she prefer her son to have friends who aren't bullies?
Me - no way would I have the bullies in my house. It will give your son the feeling that his pain meant nothing to you.

Teateaandmoretea · 16/02/2023 19:18

I haven’t rtft

But if your girlfriend has this little respect for your son you need to ltb.

It’s as simple as that.

MrsCooper84 · 16/02/2023 19:22

I’m sorry OP but I would be ending my relationship with the girlfriend.
I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who a) doesn’t respect the feelings of my son and myself and b) who is happy for her own son to hang with bullies.
I was bullied at that age and I couldn’t even IMAGINE a parental figure letting my bullies into MY safe place.
You need to make this decision to protect him and his safe place. You’re his dad, if he can’t depend on you to have his back, who else can he?
It’s a massive red flag. Your son comes first. Always. If her son wants to hang with Nelson and the gang, he needs to bugger off somewhere else to do it.
Hugs to you and your poor son x

Teateaandmoretea · 16/02/2023 19:23

The birthday party can take place elsewhere. A bowling alley, a cinema - anywhere.

I’d go another level it can’t happen at all unless the father organises it.

Clymene · 16/02/2023 19:25

Weird that the OP hasn't come back

Dymaxion · 16/02/2023 19:25

Big fat hairy no way from me too.

I don't think I could be involved with anyone with so little empathy or understanding of the situation. They don't get it or they don't care, either would be grounds for ending the relationship.

Zippidydoda · 16/02/2023 19:27

No I would not allow children, who bullied my child so badly he had to move schools, into my home. I’m surprised you partner isn’t supporting you, given it must have been sustained bullying.

was your step son involved in the bullying or is it just coincidence he is friends with the people involved.

Im not sure there is any easy answer here, it’s just a difficult situation. However I would fall on the “hell no” side.

ChillysWaterBottle · 16/02/2023 19:28

I'd chuck your gf for even suggesting it.

Absolutely no way. Non-negotiable.

Suzi888 · 16/02/2023 19:29

Hell no. I wouldn’t want the bullying little scum bags in my house.

pleasehelpwi3 · 16/02/2023 19:30

Please , without reading the whole thread, do the right thing. Easy to say of course from behind a screen, but those boys can't physically cross the threshold of your son's home, even if they unfortunately can digitally.

BlueMongoose · 16/02/2023 19:31

I would say they ought not to be allowed to sleep over. They might try to get acess to his room as he isn't there, for example, which could lead to anything.

momonpurpose · 16/02/2023 19:33

Please don't allow this. Stand up for your son even if he isn't there. If your gf doesn't like it she can go

Titsalenabumflop · 16/02/2023 19:36

I can't believe your girlfriend thinks it's ok to have these nasty bastards in your home, knowing what they did to your son! She's not exactly caring is she? She doesn't sound like a nice person, so why would you want to be with her? You need to put your son first. Get rid!

I8toys · 16/02/2023 19:38

Never, no way ever. Your home is your child's safe space. You will be letting your child down badly if this was allowed or seen to be allowed. Why she is allowing this to go on I have no idea. I'd question her role as a decent parent. Why she'd want her son associating with them anyway. Please protect your child.

billy1966 · 16/02/2023 19:44

That's some piece of work you have brought into your son's life.

Shameful.

You are utterly betraying your son by being in a relationship with the woman whose son is clearly lying through his teeth about what occurred.

Having to move school because of bullying and assault is so dreadful.

Your poor son being so betrayed by his father too.

God knows the permanent damage done to him, and that boy living with his father.

What some children endure from their parents and their shit choices.

You need to take a long hard look at your choice of partner because you have really betrayed your son with who you have chosen to live with, as confirmed by her response.

SoShallINever · 16/02/2023 19:46

WTF! whose side are you on?
Your poor son.

NoodleC · 16/02/2023 19:48

I would tell the GF she is a grown woman and the fact she said it is not all about your son makes me wonder if in future she can be trusted to show fairness. If they do come which you should not let happen, you should lock your sons door as they will likely take pictures of his things or selfies in his room and torment him with them saying he is not safe at home etc.

SueG60 · 16/02/2023 19:49

They’re 12-13 year old boys, bullying is what kids often do. They need educating about it and often they’ll grow out of it and mature.

It depends on the dynamics. On the one hand, it sounds like it was a serious case in that he had to move schools. On the other hand, your stepson is friends with them yet presumably gets on ok with your son if the same age and living together?

Have these kids shown any remorse for what they did or apologised in any way, how has it been left. If they’re total little shits and haven’t grown up a bit I’d be saying to your partner ‘why does your son want friends like that’, but if it’s kind of blown over and their behaviour has improved then I’d probably just accept it’s a phase kids often go through and try and be mature about it and let them come.

SuitsYouSirS · 16/02/2023 19:53

billy1966 · 16/02/2023 19:44

That's some piece of work you have brought into your son's life.

Shameful.

You are utterly betraying your son by being in a relationship with the woman whose son is clearly lying through his teeth about what occurred.

Having to move school because of bullying and assault is so dreadful.

Your poor son being so betrayed by his father too.

God knows the permanent damage done to him, and that boy living with his father.

What some children endure from their parents and their shit choices.

You need to take a long hard look at your choice of partner because you have really betrayed your son with who you have chosen to live with, as confirmed by her response.

Haven’t rtwt but I came here to say this.

You are talking about his home, his safe space, the place he should feel completely comfortable. Not ok, totally unacceptable and a betrayal of his trust.

trampoline123 · 16/02/2023 19:58

No way.

Oldieandgoldie · 16/02/2023 20:00

Two thoughts….

Were the police involved? And if so, what would they say about you bringing you son’s bullies into your/his home??

And what would happen if there was an emergency when your son was at his mums, and he had to return to your house (his home) to find the bullies there?

No, no, no. Just no. No girlfriend is worth this.

trampoline123 · 16/02/2023 20:00

Just no.

You need to stick up for your some if he's there or not. He will find out and will be so upset and feel so let down by you all and you.

Please don't let this happen.

Can't begin to imagine if it did how scarring it would be for him.

Lysianthus · 16/02/2023 20:07

Clymene · 16/02/2023 19:25

Weird that the OP hasn't come back

Hopefully they're having a long conversation with the gf...

Noonesperfect · 16/02/2023 20:11

Your girlfriend sounds pretty selfish. She doesn't want you to make it all about your son, because she wants to make it all about hers! NO NO NO, you must put your son first! A woman who cares this little about your son is not worth your time.

Englishash · 16/02/2023 20:14

No. Your home is your son's home and his safe place. It's not all about your gf's son is it ?

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