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Original poster

My sons bully's are coming for a sleep over

481 replies

Clockwise123 · 16/02/2023 12:38

Hi, I desperately need some advice please.
My son was bullied at school and moved schools because of it last year (year 8, age 13). My girlfriends son, same age, is friends with these boys and wants to have them over for his birthday for a sleep over. I do not want them in our home, but my gf insists her son should not miss out.

My son is due to be at his mums, so won't be here. It still doesn't sit right with me though.

We all live together, and share parental responsibility with our children's other parents.

  1. How will my son feel knowing they've been in his home? He will say it's OK if I speak to him about it, but that's the way he is. Never wants to make a fuss, or cause any issues.
  2. I'm not sure how I will feel having these children in our home, knowing what they did to my son.
  3. I could potentially have an issue with my sons mum if/when she finds out that these boys have been in my our home.

I don't want my step son to miss out. It feels really hard to deal with.

It feels like I'm being made to feel like I'm over reacting. The phrase that I keep being told is "it's not all about your son"

Any thoughts or advice? What would you do?

OP posts:
Floogal · 16/02/2023 17:41

It is bad enough your GF and 'stepson' have betrayed you and your son by even considering this. Please don't betray your son.

TheaBrandt · 16/02/2023 17:41

Also agree with cakewench. It would make me sick. Plus I wouldn’t fully trust that I would be able to suppress my inner tiger mother frankly. They must be cocky little shits not to have reservations about going to their victims house in the first place?

Emdubz · 16/02/2023 17:46

As others have said, home should be the ultimate safe space. No way on earth should the bullies be there and if your GF sees this as you ‘making it all about your son’ then she obviously doesn’t have an empathetic bone in her body.

I’d happily end a relationship over something like this. Please protect your son and show you have his back.

Alwayoptomistic · 16/02/2023 17:50

Sorry OP this post has really bothered me, so I'm weighing in again.
You say 'He will say it's OK if I speak to him about it, but that's the way he is. Never wants to make a fuss, or cause any issues.'
Could this be because his home is already an unsafe place. He knows you and your GF and her son wont have his back anyway.
If he was so obviously bullied and his step-sibling is denying all knowledge.. then then your home (read - not his home) is already not a nice place to be...

Goldpaw · 16/02/2023 17:50

Clockwise123 · 16/02/2023 12:52

Thank you.

They used to be close.
Gf's son denied any bullying took place when we spoke to him about it. Either said it was just banter, or he didn't see anything.

Son came home from school with ripped clothing, bruises etc..so no doubt in my mind

Absolutely these boys should not be in your son's home!

I'd seriously question the entire set up if your stepson is friends with the bullies and says it was just "banter".

Your poor son.

Greyarea12 · 16/02/2023 17:51

This is awful.

I would end the relationship over this. Infact, I would of already packed mine and my child's stuff and shipped out the moment she even considered this acceptable. Disgusting behaviour from your gf. She has very little, if any, love for your son and neither her nor her child deserve your son or you in their lives. Absolute disgrace.

Namethattune56 · 16/02/2023 17:56

Wondering why OP hasn’t been back. Perhaps it’s a wind up. If so they succeeded. I’m outraged for the poor kid.

PinkyFlamingo · 16/02/2023 17:57

You can't let this happen, you just can't your poor son.

strawberry2017 · 16/02/2023 17:57

If your child was happy to move schools this is more then just banter this is full on evil little b**tards.
I wouldn't want them in my house and I certainly wouldn't want them having any access to my sons safe space.
I can't believe she thinks this is ok.
You can't stop her son been friends with them but you can chose to keep them out of your home.

747jumbo · 16/02/2023 17:58

Your poor son. He needs his home to be a safe space, needs to know that you're on his side. I can't imagine how he must feel. Just awful. Please stop it. You GF's son can see his friends elsewhere.

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 16/02/2023 18:00

Oh hell to the no would this be happening in my house. Your son was bullied to the point he had to move schools and your girlfriend thinks it's okay to have them for a sleepover? First of all, she needs to rethink her parenting and secondly you need to end the relationship. Your kids come first, before anyone. Put him first and bin the girlfriend off

kateandme · 16/02/2023 18:01

Christ
So basically your ss was one of the bullies

nlr1 · 16/02/2023 18:03

If your stepson is friends with this group of bullies no doubt he is one too

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 16/02/2023 18:04

They probably want a sleepover as another way of getting at your son. The GF is vile and so is her son, I can't believe strangers on the internet are more outraged than you!

Bertha21 · 16/02/2023 18:06

If it was me it would be a bigger issue. Does this translate into that her son is a bully too. How is your sons relationship with him? I think you need your own safe space. Where is her care for him. If this was the other way around and her son was bullied what would happen?

MrsRosieBrew · 16/02/2023 18:07

I wouldn’t need to debate this. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who cares so little for my son.

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 16/02/2023 18:07

I would feel the same as you that I would not want the boys who made my sons life a misery to be allowed to come into his home/safe space whether he was in the home at the time or not. Yes it shouldn't be all about your child, the other child matters too and shouldn't have to miss out but given this isn't a simple case of a falling out, its actually been prolonged bullying and physical violence that's led to your son having to move schools I don't think it's unreasonable to refuse to have these boys in the house. Can the child who's birthday it is have the sleepover at his other parents house?

KenAddams · 16/02/2023 18:08

Namethattune56 · 16/02/2023 17:56

Wondering why OP hasn’t been back. Perhaps it’s a wind up. If so they succeeded. I’m outraged for the poor kid.

Be funny if it a was a reverse gone wrong lol

clpsmum · 16/02/2023 18:08

Not rtft but I wouldn't have this tbh your gf and her son and both being very selfish and insensitive

Runningonjammiedodgers · 16/02/2023 18:08

@Namethattune56 OP hasn't been back because he shacked up with his GF far too quick, lives in her house, and doesn't want to be single. OP knows what everyone is telling him his right but that would mean he ends up single and has to move back home. In my experience man will do anything to avoid being single, even at the expense of their kids.

Stravaig · 16/02/2023 18:11

It's been presented as if OP's son was bullied, moved school, and girlfriend's son happens to be friends with the bullies.

I'm wondering though if the scenario is OP started relationship, girlfriend's son and his friends bully OP's son, OP's son moves school, but can't escape the bullies because girlfriend son was the instigator all along.

OP's son wouldn't be the first child scared to expose the truth if it upset their parent's new relationship. Nor OP's girlfriend the only parent in oblivious denial about the shittery of their precious wee darling.

Rayn22 · 16/02/2023 18:12

No chance.
That's it really. Your. Girlfriend should be supporting you. How would she like it the other way round. They can go out for the day elsewhere!

TimeToFlyNow · 16/02/2023 18:17

Fuck that, I'd be taking my child out of that situation. I wouldn't be surprised if the gfs son was involved in some way too

grumpycow1 · 16/02/2023 18:19

I think the bigger issue is why are your stepson and GF still hanging around with these bullies after what happened to your son. They should have been scraped off long ago. I’d be reconsidering being in a relationship with someone this selfish. You have to look out for your son’s best interests and she is not it, sorry.

Boringcookingquestion · 16/02/2023 18:19

In a clear case of bullying, there is no way I’d let them into my son’s safe space, regardless of whether he was home at the time.

If it’s more a case of friends falling out/fighting and there is blame on both sides, it’s trickier to balance both boys needs. I’d still probably refuse to host at home, but would be less bothered about an activity outside the house.