My sons bully's are coming for a sleep over

[Clockwise123]

Hi, I desperately need some advice please.
My son was bullied at school and moved schools because of it last year (year 8, age 13). My girlfriends son, same age, is friends with these boys and wants to have them over for his birthday for a sleep over. I do not want them in our home, but my gf insists her son should not miss out.

My son is due to be at his mums, so won't be here. It still doesn't sit right with me though.

We all live together, and share parental responsibility with our children's other parents.

1. How will my son feel knowing they've been in his home? He will say it's OK if I speak to him about it, but that's the way he is. Never wants to make a fuss, or cause any issues.
2. I'm not sure how I will feel having these children in our home, knowing what they did to my son.
3. I could potentially have an issue with my sons mum if/when she finds out that these boys have been in my our home.

I don't want my step son to miss out. It feels really hard to deal with.

It feels like I'm being made to feel like I'm over reacting. The phrase that I keep being told is "it's not all about your son"

Any thoughts or advice? What would you do?

Your gf son was involved in bullying your son and she's still your gf?

Does your ds have his own room? He may say it's ok but for him, the thought of others especially those who bullied him being in his own space, touching his things...thats wrong.

This wasn't a case of a bit of back and forth, you moved him to a different school because of it. Why does your gf think her son is untouchable but yours has to suffer?

This is what I wanted to say... poor kid.

No one who bullied my child would be welcome in my house. It would bother me that my partner didn't feel as strongly about it too.

Say no. Tell her it happens over your cold, dead body.

The birthday party can take place elsewhere. A bowling alley, a cinema - anywhere.

Your poor son. Bullies in his safe space and having to live with their friend who is prepared to lie about their abuse of him. Your GF sounds wholly unsympathetic too. Do your son a favour and ditch the GF/find somewhere else to live that he will be safe in. Please don't minimise the long term impact of bullying and having people who are supposed to protect you further expose you.

Please don’t let this happen, my sister was friends with a group of girls who literally tortured me and made my life hell as a child.

My parents never took my side and always let my sister have them round, I’d get home from school to find them all sitting on my bed or messing in my things. They’d follow me round the house just watching me and whispering.

I’d be so terrified of them I’d often go and sit at the top of the garden behind the shed, I’d sit there in all weathers just to get a small reprieve from them.

Please don’t let these awful boys into your home, this is your sons safe space. If your girlfriend can’t respect that then I would without any hesitation end the relationship. Your son is who matters here.

Absolutely do not allow this! He lives there, his things are there. Just no. Poor boy. This would make me reconsider the relationship tbh.

so yet another set of parents unable to put their children first?

No way. The word treacherous comes to mind here. How come your girlfriend’s son mates with a bunch of bullies anyway?

No way. Your gf and her son need to learn the meaning to family loyalty. Your girlfriends attitude is horrible

Do not allow them in your sons home, whether he is there or not. What if they go through his things and use it to bully him more? His home is his safe place.

If the time is split between houses tell her they can go to the other house for a sleep over. But personally I'd be rethinking the whole relationship if she cares so little about your sons feelings. It would make me change how I veiwed the person if they disregarded my child's feelings like that. It's a kick in the teeth for your son. Bet the bullies will love teasing him about being in his home. The more I think about it the more annoyed I am!

Right, this is a no-brainer. I hope all the responses on this make OP realise he is fully complicit in the harm of his son if he stays with his gf while she has this mentality and disregard for his son.

You don't really care about your son!!

Are you sure the stepson wasn't involved in the bullying? If he's such good friends he wants them for a sleepover they sound pretty close. He said it was just banter or he never saw it I wouldn't believe that for a second. You said your son doesnt like to make a fuss, Are you completely oblivious to the fact that you are already possibly forcing him to live with one of his bullies or are you too wrapped up in your girlfriends knickers to notice

Your girlfriend's son has atrocious taste in friends. He is either a bully or enabler of bullies himself.

Your girlfriend is not parenting appropriately. She is encouraging these relationships by allowing a sleepover. She should be teaching her son that bullying behaviour is never acceptable, and that bullies have no place in his life or in your shared home.

You have not chosen well in relationship. It is not good parenting to live with a girlfriend who places her child's fleeting pleasure over your child's fundamental wellbeing, and who invites the people who harmed your son into your home.

What do you do? Absolute no to the sleepover, and end the relationship too. Do not make your son share his home with bullies, or with a step-brother and step-parent who do not protect him.

No back your son! Ditch the girlfriend who clearly gives no care for your sons feelings. "My dad let my bullies sleep round my house" Really???

Your GF does not respect you or your son.

Fucking hell so your poor son has to put up with living with another kid who lies for the bullies as well as his uncaring mother. Pull your finger out of your arse and take your child away from this horrible setting.

@OP Did you and your partner meet at the school?

Bin the girlfriend. She has zero empathy for your son. I couldn't deal with that. And no you are right to feel wrong and uncomfortable with them being in your home. Hell would freeze over before that happened for me.

I am (probably, idk) never this dramatic on MN but like FUCK would I allow children who had bullied my son to the point where he had to change schools to step foot in my house, much less stay the night.

As others have pointed out, they will also almost certainly get into his room or mess around with his things.

YABVVU if you go along with this.

Your GF is also unreasonable for even entertaining the though. And tbh I am afraid it probably speaks volumes about her son if he's friends with them. "It's not all about your son" well it damn well is if you're talking about bullies who have physically beaten him previously. I bet she wouldn't dare entertain anyone who had bullied her son, if the shoe were on the other foot.

Your poor son, I can't believe his parent is here even considering going along with this. I'd be fucking raging and I am literally someone who almost never even raises my voice.

It would be a firm no. Your sons home is his safe space, do not allow his bullies to have access to that.

If stepson is insistent that a sleepover with these boys is all he wants to do for his birthday then that has to take place at his fathers home. I would be entirely honest as to why with everyone and show your son you have his back.

Fuck no! What a betrayal for your child.

YANBU.

Have you asked her how she would feel if the roles were reversed and her son had been bullied?

Her insistence at having them in the house - and to stay! - is totally unreasonable and you’re right to protect your son’s space. Even though he’s not there, he will know/find out about it.

If she refuses to backdown then it would be a dealbreaker for me.

This