Husband wants to get rid of cats due to newborn baby

[anniz91]

Hi all

My husband has suddenly changed his attitude / behaviour towards our cats and now wants to get rid of them after the arrival of our baby.

Has anyone been in this situation?

He is now blaming me that I was the one who wanted cats but we were both wanting them prior pregnancy. I am absolutely heartbroken if I have to be forced into agreement in giving them up.

I don’t think the choice here is to kill the either cat or the baby.
The cats pose no danger to the baby so OP can keep both

You’re right - that is absolutely disgusting. Those cats need to be out of the bedroom. I remember my mum being really shocked at a neighbour who let their cat curl round the baby in the pram - she thought it was cute.

I have always had a cat, and that remained the case when I had my two babies.
Out of their generation of cousins, my two were the only ones out of ten who had a pet, and the only ones who did not develop asthma and allergies.
I found my toddler playing in the cat litter tray like a sand pit on one occasion. It didn’t seem to do her immune system any harm - she is now in her thirties and rarely even gets a cold.

You say that but there is zero reason to believe there would be a downgrade in its life. You just need to find a cat loving owner which is not that difficult.

As to upheaval, again animals are quite versatile and they don't really care. As long as they're fed and feel safe, they're happy. It might be different for a 14 year old cat, but not for young cats.

And just BTW I bought a 15 year old parrot. You know how long it took him to become extremely comfortable with me? Less than a week. As long as you're kind to them and give them their basic needs, animals just don't care. They haven't got complex emotions. Unlike human partners.

Vaselining, you remind me of my mum’s neighbour and her family. She was asking DM about different cat breeds for her son and his kids, and my mum mentioned how long they live. Neighbour laughed and replied ‘oh, I shouldn’t think they’ll be keeping it that long!’ They’d previously bought and got rid of one long-haired cat they’d bought for their 4yo daughter to brush after its fur got matted.

Why is it that people who think animals are little more than props so intent on acquiring them?

@Vaselining is not saying that at all. Its not a life or death situation. Merely highlighting that there are potential risks and OP's DP's feelings are valid.

some people have heard bad stories and others havent and just cos you haven't doesn't mean those stories don't exist.

There are options to rehome a cat and it could be something for OP to consider rather than live a life of regret if cat was to harm baby. Only they know how their cat behaves, how unpredictable it is or isnt so everyone sharing their stories or how their own cat is harmless is pointless.

Cats, like all animals, can be unpredictable, can harbour fleas and diseases and are not easy to communicate with. Yes people shouldnt get cats or dogs and then get rid when no longer wanted but if there are genuine concerns with health and safety baby should come first.

@anniz91
Sorry if this has already been said as there was a lot of reading to scroll through.

There is actually research to suggest children growing up with pets (including cats) are less likely to develop allergies....

Keep the cats. Get rid of the husband.

Also, like with any kind of pets it's about being responsible owners. So not leaving the baby alone with the animals, as the baby grows, teaching them how to appropriately interact with the animals and to leave them alone, not crowd them etc.

Yes animals can be unpredictable, that's why we have responsibility as owners. Same with if you take pets out the home.

I have two cats and a dog and a toddler and baby. My dog is still never left in a room on her own with my eldest (3.5) (or youngest), because although she's gentle you never know what animals are capable of in the wrong set of circumstances and that's not fair on the pets or children.

Why is it that people who think animals are little more than props so intent on acquiring them?

Not 'props' but animal companions and/or playthings. And that doesn't mean you need to keep them forever.

Look at how many posters in this thread alone expressed a desire to get rid of the husband. A living human being with emotions and feelings, who might be devastated by such actions.

Yet animals don't have feelings and complex emotions. A cat literally doesn't care whether you rehome it. Give it less than a week where the new owner dotes on it and feeds it, and pt would become just as attached to them. They have no trauma from being rwhomed nor feelings of rejection.

Look some PPs have said how terrible it is to get rid of a pet for whatever reason, but just because they say it doesn't make it true. Give me one reason, logical, moral, ethical whatever, why someone shouldn't pass along a pet even just when they become bored. With the caveat that they're rehoming it to a loving and caring owner.

And don't just say it's bad because I say it's bad or alternatively resort to calling me names. I mean you can do that if you want, but that would just demonstrate the emptiness of your argument.

What I'm saying is very simple and straightforward. Pets don't have complex emotions and you can't hurt their feelings. The only thing that matters for them is their physical wellbeing, so of you can assure their physical needs will be taken care of, go ahead and rehome.

@Vaselining animals do have emotions and attachments to human beings.

Anyone who has the attitude that animals are so disposable and you might get bored of them so that's just fine shouldn't ever get pets.

Give me one reason, logical, moral, ethical whatever, why someone shouldn't pass along a pet even just when they become bored. With the caveat that they're rehoming it to a loving and caring owner

Because they are not a soft toy, they are a living, breathing, sentient, emotional living being. Not an accessory and not something to dispose of when you get bored.

Pets are a commitment. They do have emotions, pets get very attached to their owners and the upheaval of a move can and does kill pets.

Pets are not disposable!!! They are members of the family. My kids were just as devastated when our cat died last year, as they were when they lost their auntie within a couple of weeks of each other.

My eldest cat is 16yo and I am dreading the day I lose him, I'm not sure how I will cope as he's a huge part of our lives.

@Vaselining

you seem very confident and comfortable about spouting absolute nonsense as ‘fact’

I assume that if you believe that animals don’t have feelings or complex emotions you are entirely ignorant of the last 40 years of animal welfare science? In which case you should probably educate yourself before spouting opinions which demonstrate your ignorance. The treaty of Lisbon recognised animals as sentient back in 1997 - it’s not new!

yes animals do experience emotions, yes they do experience social stress at separation, yes they do experience trauma and associated psychological states such as generalised anxiety disorders, phobias and compulsive disorders. No the only thing that matters to them is not physical well-being - the UK Animal welfare Act of 2006 makes their psychological and social needs clear - it’s only been enshrined in law for 17 years - but I guess it hasn’t filtered down into your ‘expert opinion’ yet 😂

Absolute nonsense, cats are one of the cleanest pets!

I wouldn't want cats around my baby either, which is why I don't have cats. Totally valid to not want them or to be worried but you're committed to the cats now and can't just get rid.

No idea. I’m just saying that his concerns shouldn’t be dismissed.

@MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel

You haven't really said much more than repeated your dogma. Hardly a logical argument there. But for what it's worth:

Sentient in the sense they feel pain and very basic emotions such as fear etc. But they do not have complex emotions, eg rejection.

If moving a cat to a new place is so harmful and traumatic, how did you get to have it in the first place?

As to being 'part of the family', I would argue that a partner/spouse is infinitely more 'part of the family', yet people break up all the time. If committing to loving a human being - who has complex feelings and will suffer heartbreak when a relationship breaks down - doesn't mean you can never rethink the commitment, how much more so for an animal.

As long as the pet will be properly cared for, there is nothing at all wrong with allowing someone else to do the caring.

Of course they feel rejection!

Jesus christ, your misunderstanding on animals is absolutely staggering. I feel really sorry for your parrot, you shouldn't be allowed near any animal.

DH & I got 2 long haired cats before we had DC. DC haven't shown any allergy symptoms at all and they absolutely love the cats. In fact one of their first words each was cat. Pets can be wonderful for children. I hope he comes around.

When you get a cat usually it's a kitten. They aren't as aware, a bit like a newborn baby. But they need a lot of gentle care.

If you adopt an older cat there is a lot of careful work and introductions that have to be done. They often struggle for a long time and owners have to be very patient, sadly animals do die from the trauma.

Given you don't have cats, I don't know why you would persist ignoring all the people on here who clearly know more than you and double down on your incorrect assumptions.

I’d get rid of a bloke before my cat. I don’t believe pets are something you just get rid of, and I wouldn’t wanna be with someone who did think like that.

My cat didn’t care at all about the baby, and had no interest in going near him. She tolerates him now, but won’t actively seek his company.

Early maternal and sibling separation creates behavioural differences in kittens
www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0168159123000217

so suggesting social separation is not stressful is nonsense.

no there’s no evidence to suggest that cats experience emotions requiring executive processing such as guilt or grief but there’s plenty of evidence that they experience second level emotions and can appraise and make choices including social choices resulting in positive emotional experiences - this is a level of emotional processing significantly beyond basic emotional states such as fear.

Also FWIW @Vaselining you asked @MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel for a ‘logical, moral, ethical, whatever’ argument. They gave you a moral one - you’ve dismissed it as not logical.
which seems a rather illogical response to someone giving you exactly what you asked for!

@Vaselining

cars are not only able to experience emotions, they’re able to recognise emotions in a different species (humans) and modulate their behaviour accordingly www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/10/7/1107

@anniz91 we have 2 adult cats (both indoor cats for health reasons) and an 11 month old DC, and it's been fine.

Cats don't sleep in the bedroom at night, and occasionally DC attempts to eat cat treats (not managed yet!). They get on great, lots of positive interactions and no injuries to any party so far.

There's evidence that early life exposure to animals and potential allergens actually reduces the risk of developing serious allergies. And so long as you're keeping litter trays, food, etc hygienically, they shouldn't be cause for concern.

It took a couple of weeks for our cats to adapt to their new human. We just gave them space, plenty of options for places to go to feel safe, and some Feliway plug-ins.

We have a cat, and since DD was born she hasn’t really shown any interest in her. More stayed away from her due to the crying lol you don’t need to rehome your cat. Just keep an eye on them.