Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Husband wants to get rid of cats due to newborn baby

163 replies

anniz91 · 30/01/2023 22:53

Hi all

My husband has suddenly changed his attitude / behaviour towards our cats and now wants to get rid of them after the arrival of our baby.

Has anyone been in this situation?

He is now blaming me that I was the one who wanted cats but we were both wanting them prior pregnancy. I am absolutely heartbroken if I have to be forced into agreement in giving them up.

OP posts:
Vaselining · 31/01/2023 08:06

Patanat · 31/01/2023 08:04

The reason you don’t rehome if you can possibly avoid it isn’t that the cat wouldn’t get over it - although not all cats are that resilient, no. It’s because you can’t guarantee the cat will go to a decent home, or to any home at all. Some cats that end up in rescues will never be rehomed, a pretty sad end for a pet who has lived with a family all its life.

I sincerely hope the people expressing agreement with the husband wouldn’t dream of getting a cat in the first place.

You don't need to rehome to a rescue. Just advertise on pets4homes.co.uk you have a free cat, and vet the applicants. Obviously you can't ever know 100% what other people are like and what the new home will be like, but you can have a fairly good idea.

CrapBag76 · 31/01/2023 08:10

My cat would be stressed for sure. He’s 14 years old and has been with us since he was 10 weeks old. It would be cruel.

Don’t get pets if you are only making a commitment to them until a baby comes along.

Original poster
anniz91 · 31/01/2023 08:18

verdantverdure · 31/01/2023 00:33

There is no logical reason to do so @anniz91.

What is the "reason" he is giving?

Allergies and the baby being exposed to cat hair / skin residue

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Cats Families General parenting
dustydewdrop · 31/01/2023 08:21

OP your husband’s concerns (whatever they specifically are) are valid. You can’t ignore them because some cat lovers on here tell you to. It’s his house and his baby therefore his reasons are as important as yours for wanting to keep said cats. Maybe he just doesn’t like them and to be honest that’s fair enough.

Hoppinggreen · 31/01/2023 08:23

Have you noticed that all the incidents of cats peeing in cribs and suffocating babies are “someone I know “ or “ I heard a story”
Its utter bollocks, most cats will avoid a baby and the few that don’t are very very unlikely to harm it.

Hoppinggreen · 31/01/2023 08:24

Vaselining · 31/01/2023 08:06

You don't need to rehome to a rescue. Just advertise on pets4homes.co.uk you have a free cat, and vet the applicants. Obviously you can't ever know 100% what other people are like and what the new home will be like, but you can have a fairly good idea.

Show quote history

Complete rubbish
Only someone who didn’t give a shit about their cat would do this

Jifmicroliquid · 31/01/2023 08:24

Sounds like he wants an excuse to get rid of the cats. Thousands of people raise babies with cats and dogs with absolutely no issues. I was a baby who was raised with a cat who used to sit on my pram and go for walks with us. Just make sure that cats and baby aren’t left alone together, for instance, particularly while baby naps. Sometimes cats will curl up by a persons face because it’s warm.

Patanat · 31/01/2023 08:25

If you’re suggesting pets4homes as an alternative to rescues, then I think all the more that you’re on a wind-up @Vaselining!

And you’ve obviously (intentionally?) misread my first post. The controlling and callous comment refers to the scenario where the DH just can’t be bothered with the cats and doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings. If he’s genuinely anxious, I’m sympathetic but in the light of the evidence getting rid of the cats is massively disproportionate to any risk.

KillingLoneliness · 31/01/2023 08:26

anniz91 · 31/01/2023 08:18

Allergies and the baby being exposed to cat hair / skin residue

Show quote history

Do any of you have allergies? Or is he concerned about the bs y developing one?

I grew up with two cats from a newborn and never had any issues and we had 3 cats before we had our children. I kept the cats out of their rooms when they were babies but no issues growing up, no allergies etc, we still have one cat left although he is an old boy now!

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 31/01/2023 08:29

I raised 3 newborns around 4 cats and no issues at all.

All but 1 of my cats just stayed clear, the other was a gentle calming influence on my newborns and seemed to have this bond with a newborn which was caring and kind. He liked them less as toddlers as toddlers are unpredictable so he just stayed out their way.

But once toddlers my other more playful cats loved the kids. We still have 1 of those cats 16 years later and he is obsessed with my now teenagers/tweens.

I don't think your DH understands much about cats to honest.

CakeCrumbs44 · 31/01/2023 08:32

My parents had to re-home their cat when I was a baby. I had asthma and an allergy to cats, so they didn't really have much choice. Barring a medical reason I don't see why you would give up a pet though.

User963 · 31/01/2023 08:34

Children are less likely to develop allergies if they grow up with a pet.

www.newscientist.com/article/2188610-the-more-pets-you-meet-as-a-baby-the-lower-your-risk-of-allergies/

Patanat · 31/01/2023 08:35

Maybe he just doesn’t like them and to be honest that’s fair enough.

He should have said no to them in the first place then. Not having an animal is fine. Having one and then getting rid because it no longer suits unnecessarily exposes that animal to risk. If you don’t like animals or you just don’t give enough of a shit to properly care for them, don’t house them in the first place. It’s very easy.

Mortimermay · 31/01/2023 08:37

I think it's a real shame that cats are seen as disposable to so many people. When we moved house, it was assumed we would leave our cat behind and so many people assumed we would get rid of our cat once I was pregnant. I heard so many issues of cats being a danger to babies that it was as if people thought we were being deliberately reckless to keep the cat.
In reality, our cat had a sniff when they came home and then lay under the cot on their first night home. They never once attempted to jump in anywhere near the baby and would leave the room as soon as there was any sort of crying. It took years for my cat to tolerate our child anywhere near them! There was no cat hair choking hazards because they were never near enough and no allergies. We never left any opportunity for the cat to sneak in or get to the baby without us noticing anyway, even if he had decided to try it.
Now our child is older and our new cat cannot be separated from them. It's lovely.

PinkDaffodil2 · 31/01/2023 08:41

But the baby is less likely to develop an allergy to cats if you have one in the house - surely he knows that?
I mean if your child goes on to develop an allergy, then consider your options, but it sounds like maybe there’s other reasons he’s not sharing because what he said makes no sense.

JupiterFortified · 31/01/2023 08:47

Vaselining · 31/01/2023 00:05

But people are? Of all the psychopathic things I've read in my life, these posts take the biscuit.

They're cats, op, cats! Surely once you have a real child you don't need to substitute with furry pets. Fgs if it makes your husband uncomfortable just rehome them and focus on your actual family.

Show quote history

I’m not sure you understand the meaning of the word psychopathic 🤦‍♀️

mondaytosunday · 31/01/2023 08:50

I had cats when my first was born and I went so far as to buy a cat net to go over the cot. Cats showed no interest at all, though one did occasionally sleep in his room.
Oddly enough my son IS allergic to cats, but was fairly immune to our own! We discovered this on holiday when we stayed with my sister who had two snd he felt unwell. Then I thought back I recalled he always came home feeling unwell from a friend of his who had cats...

Mariposista · 31/01/2023 08:51

You will only be ‘forced to give them up’ if you are weak enough to bow to his demands. Be assertive, the cats stay. He is welcome to move out if he doesn’t like it.

JupiterFortified · 31/01/2023 08:52

BreviloquentBastard · 31/01/2023 07:42

I hate cats but I think your husband and some of the people on this thread are being ridiculous.

If you choose to have a pet, you don't just dispose of it on a whim because you now have a child (not you specifically OP but rather the collective you). They're not placeholders for babies, and if that is what your pet is to you then you need therapy, not a child.

Well said.

FurAndFeathers · 31/01/2023 08:53

The time to debate having cats was before you adopted them. They are a 15-20 year commitment and I assume you considered lifestyle changes including children over that time

corcaithecat · 31/01/2023 08:54

I'd wait and see what happens with the cats and baby before you consider re-homing them.

My stroppy older female cat who never graced you with her presence and was a PITA generally, loved my DS as a baby.
It was so bizarre and unexpected.
She slept in her cat bed in his room every night after his cot was moved into his own bedroom. When he was a bit older and sleeping in a single bed, she'd come up stairs at bedtime and lie next to him within stroking distance when we did the bedtime story routine. She still wasn't interested in the adult humans though. 😂

DS was 5 when she died and was heartbroken for quite a while afterwards.

We then got two young rescue cats and the male cat took to DS too and slept on his bed with him.

You should probably keep them out of your bedroom whilst the baby is sleeping in your room and then reassess when the baby moves into their own room.

Would that pacify your DH?

FurAndFeathers · 31/01/2023 08:56

BIahBIahBIah · 30/01/2023 23:27

I agree with him.

They are unsanitary, and you're going to have to be constantly vigilant. So much hard work with a baby.

Only if you’re dim enough to not be able to consider those issues when you make the active decision to get a pet.

most folk of reasonable intelligence consider the impact a pet may have over its lifespan before they make the commitment of getting one, rather than whinging about it after

ArightFruityLoaf · 31/01/2023 09:08

I wouldn't want cats around my newborn either.

FlounderingFruitcake · 31/01/2023 09:09

Allergies and the baby being exposed to cat hair / skin residue

But baby is less likely to develop allergies as a result of growing up with a pet. As for cat hair, presuming you don’t leave the house in a disgusting state now, you just carry on as you are. Keep the cat out of the bedroom (ours was shut in the kitchen overnight when the kids were babies) and brush the cat regularly so you get the fur before it comes off the cat- ours is a long hair and we genuinely don’t have issues! And a playmat for baby when they’re on the floor that you fold up when not in use so the cat can’t roll on it. Total non issues.

He sounds like he’s finding excuses because he can’t be arsed or doesn’t like the cats and think it’s a convenient excuse to get rid, which is massively unfair. A commitment has been made and it’s not something that you should go back on except in extreme circumstances like the cat is exhibiting aggressive behaviour or something.

tb4122 · 31/01/2023 09:15

DP went through this briefly. In fairness getting Dcat was not his idea. I brought him home from work temporarily 3 years ago as he was injured and stray and never intended to keep him (Dcat, not DP...) although DP did agree to keeping him several months later. When DS arrived, DP was very protective and concerned about Dcat. He really upset me one day by asking where we would be able to take Dcat to get him rehomed if he hurt the baby and that he'd only get one chance before DP boxed him up and took him away. I spent days on tenterhooks in case Dcat did anything. He never has though, DS is 9 weeks now and DP has calmed down a lot. Dcat displays polite interest in the baby at most.