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Original poster

Husband wants to get rid of cats due to newborn baby

163 replies

anniz91 · 30/01/2023 22:53

Hi all

My husband has suddenly changed his attitude / behaviour towards our cats and now wants to get rid of them after the arrival of our baby.

Has anyone been in this situation?

He is now blaming me that I was the one who wanted cats but we were both wanting them prior pregnancy. I am absolutely heartbroken if I have to be forced into agreement in giving them up.

OP posts:
Rentquestion · 31/01/2023 09:20

I rehomed a cat when I had a baby. I know it sounds heartless, but when my baby was born, I didn’t like the cat anymore!

The neighbours’ cat used to get in and spray in our house because of our cat, it would stress our cat out and the smell was horrific. I was done. I had a baby and I didn’t have the energy for all the spraying and the hissing etc. (I am not a cat person anyway, tbf.)

No regrets whatsoever.

The cat went happily to my cousin, who adores it and probably thinks I’m harsh! But I don’t care. If DH had insisted we keep the cat, we would have fallen out.

Tdcp · 31/01/2023 09:24

Vaselining · 31/01/2023 07:48

Oh give over. No one is saying she should kill the cat, only rehome it. As if cats really care who buys them cat food and plays with them.

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This attitude towards cats is appalling actually.

Hongkongsuey · 31/01/2023 09:30

JupiterFortified · 31/01/2023 08:52

Well said.

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I agree every word. I and many people I know grew up and are still growing up with well loved pets. They’re not treated as threats to the family nor as disposable when people feel they’ve served their purpose. Cats and dogs can live with babies quite easily as long as you take normal care. Life can never be without risk-would people never take their kids outdoors in case a terrible accident happened? Of course not. And there is plenty of evidence to suggest children growing up in a household with pets hugely benefit-not only from helping emotional intelligence but also their resilience to disease and allergies.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Cats Families General parenting
Jellybean23 · 31/01/2023 09:38

This is a useful article

www.cats.org.uk/caterham/learn/cats-and-babies

ArianahX · 31/01/2023 09:49

My best mate kept her (slightly bitey) cat when she had her baby girl. My friend didn't leave them alone together for a while but gradually as the baby grew older she was taught how to behave around cats.
Yes she got scratched a couple of times but not badly, they quickly learned to respect each other's space and grew to love each other.
The cat then died when the little girl was 6 and sadly she learned about death that way. But got a new kitten and started again.

musicalfrog · 31/01/2023 10:09

The cat then died when the little girl was 6 and sadly she learned about death that way. But got a new kitten and started again.

Losing a pet is one of the more gentle ways to learn about death.

musicalfrog · 31/01/2023 10:11

Redebs · 31/01/2023 07:19

I would rehome cats if there was a baby due to the hygeine issues

Clearly housework not a top priority in your home then. 😬

verdantverdure · 31/01/2023 11:23

As far as I know @anniz91 it's considered healthy these days for babies to be exposed to pets and dirt as it helps build their defences.

Don't they think the modern rise in allergies is linked to being "too clean"

The most common allergy is to dust mites. Is he planning to get rid of all your carpets, curtains, sofas and mattresses too?

LemonSwan · 31/01/2023 11:25

User963 · 31/01/2023 08:34

Children are less likely to develop allergies if they grow up with a pet.

www.newscientist.com/article/2188610-the-more-pets-you-meet-as-a-baby-the-lower-your-risk-of-allergies/

Yes this, it’s good for allergies!

sjxoxo · 31/01/2023 11:27

What is his concern?? We have two cats who were fine with our baby’s arrival…
I would say get some cat nets though for the crib/cot if you think they might try and ‘cosy up’… I didn’t think our were the type but I caught one of them getting in the cot so promptly got some cat nets from Amazon! Better safe than sorry. But I don’t see any reason why you need to rehome them.. maybe he’s just overwhelmed!? They’ll likely be frightened of baby’s’ noise so keep well away. xo

Choc2022 · 31/01/2023 12:49

Mariposista · 31/01/2023 08:51

You will only be ‘forced to give them up’ if you are weak enough to bow to his demands. Be assertive, the cats stay. He is welcome to move out if he doesn’t like it.

This is awful advice! Potentially causing rifts in their relationship. If DP 'cooperates' surely that means he is 'weak enough to bow to her demands'.

mydogisthebest · 31/01/2023 13:28

Makes me so angry when people have a cat or dog then get rid when they have a baby.

If you don't think dogs/cats and babies mix then DON'T GET the animal in the first place or don't have a baby. Not difficult for anyone with a brain.

No bloody way would I get rid of a pet

Mychoices · 31/01/2023 13:32

when I dated dp he had a lot of pets (a dog a cat and rats) I’m severely allergic to all animals . He asked me to move in but I declined twice due to the animals. Then I got pregnant and he had to rehome the pets so I could move in.

i think for OP the fact that you got your cat together means that your dp is being unreasonable here !

takealettermsjones · 31/01/2023 14:27

I have two cats and a toddler, and I'm pregnant again. I have (and had) zero intention to re-home the cats.

I had no issues whatsoever, but I think it's partly because the cats have boundaries and don't just run roughshod over the house (and never have). They're not allowed upstairs ever, and I have no issues putting them in the kitchen etc if needed. I know some cat owners who think it's 'cruel' to not let the cat go wherever she wants, so if you're one of those owners, you might well have problems!

Re. hygiene, if you own cats you're surely already used to the hoovering, sweeping, wiping down surfaces before you use them etc anyway. Just keep doing all of that. It goes without saying to keep up with flea and worm treatments and vaccinations.

The baby was barely ever out of my sight anyway, and if I did have to leave the baby for a second or two I'd shut the cats in a different room. A good tip is to put an upturned plastic laundry basket in the cot/Moses basket when the baby is not in it, so that the cats can't sleep in it and get fur everywhere (or, indeed, pee in it!).

Someone mentioned other cats getting in - get a cat flap that only opens when it recognises your cats' microchips.

Vaselining · 31/01/2023 14:42

Hoppinggreen · 31/01/2023 08:24

Complete rubbish
Only someone who didn’t give a shit about their cat would do this

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Also @Patanat

Why? What is actually wrong with what I said as opposed to just writing rubbish or words to that effect?

Pets4homes.co.uk is an excellent website for rehoming pets. I've personally got several pets through them, and I've also rehomed a pet tortoise to a couple who I felt quite confident would take care of it.

Do you have some kind of superiority complex that you think no one else in the world would look after pets as well as you would?

You speak to the people who want to rehome, find out if they have experience and knowledge of keeping pets, listen to their questions, and it's quite easy to get a feeling whether your pet would be going to a good home.

Vaselining · 31/01/2023 14:49

JupiterFortified · 31/01/2023 08:47

I’m not sure you understand the meaning of the word psychopathic 🤦‍♀️

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Whatever. It just shows the warped mindset of some people who'd be happy to break up their marriage, thereby hurting actual human beings with feelings whom they profess to love, rather than letting an animal they bought move on to someone else.

What a terribly warped and callous mind one must have to think in that way. The cat has nothing to do with you, you didn't birth it nor does it actually care about you any more than you are the one feeding it. While a partner is someone you have built a life with, perhaps for a good number of years. Not to mention the child who will suffer growing up with a single parent.

But no, heaven forbid a cat gets its cat food from another family. You'd rather hurt actual human beings. Man I sometimes despair of humanity. 🙄

Vaselining · 31/01/2023 14:53

Tdcp · 31/01/2023 09:24

This attitude towards cats is appalling actually.

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Really? It's appalling? It's a bloody cat! Yeah I know they're cute and all that, but it's an animal, not a human being. I'd allow a million cats to die before one human being. What is wrong with some people that they put animals before humans?

slithytoveisascientist · 31/01/2023 15:01

2 cats
2 kids
No issues
Now they adore my eldest (10) and sleep in with him
They aren't allowed in our bedroom or the kitchen

PawsOnTheBeach · 31/01/2023 15:05

I’d tell him no. He needs to get help for his anxiety.

MintyFreshOne · 31/01/2023 15:05

dustydewdrop · 31/01/2023 08:21

OP your husband’s concerns (whatever they specifically are) are valid. You can’t ignore them because some cat lovers on here tell you to. It’s his house and his baby therefore his reasons are as important as yours for wanting to keep said cats. Maybe he just doesn’t like them and to be honest that’s fair enough.

Any proof that cat hair/dander increases allergies?

if it’s based in pseudoscience, she should ignore tbh

Patanat · 31/01/2023 15:08

Do you have some kind of superiority complex that you think no one else in the world would look after pets as well as you would?

No, but I’m pretty sure I have higher standards of care than someone who views them as ‘just a bloody cat’.

The problem with pets4homes is not that everyone looking for a pet on there is a bad potential owner, and if people really do perform thorough checks then great. But it’s not baked into those sites and many people are just offloading unwanted animals to the first comer. By using them you support this. I left Nextdoor because people were ‘giving away’ (selling) cats just before Christmas and the site allows it. It’s absolutely irresponsible.

Catspyjamas17 · 31/01/2023 15:10

Really? It's appalling? It's a bloody cat! Yeah I know they're cute and all that, but it's an animal, not a human being. I'd allow a million cats to die before one human being. What is wrong with some people that they put animals before humans?

A million cats? Bloody hell, no-one was talking about anyone dying.

Having a baby and not rehoming a cat is not putting the cat first, it's just being a decent human being who doesn't treat a pet as an inanimate accessory.

But I would put a cat before a cat-hating partner any day. Not liking cats is a huge deal-breaker for me.

Sunriseinwonderland · 31/01/2023 15:13

You don't need to give them up. I had four lovely cats when my son was born and they adored him.
It's been proven that they boost the babies immune system in the long term and prevent allergies.
Obviously I wouldn't let them sleep with the baby unsupervised but we never had any problems.
It's not like they are rottweilers or anything.

Sunriseinwonderland · 31/01/2023 15:15

I wouldn't be living with anyone who think pets are disposable.

Patanat · 31/01/2023 15:16

And the morality of saving humans v other animals is irrelevant here. The husband isn’t faced with choosing to save either his baby or the family cat from a burning building. It’s whether or not it’s reasonable to subject a cat he chose to home to upheaval, stress and quite possibly a big downgrade in quality of life because it either no longer suits him or he’s misinformed about the risks cats pose to babies. Bit different.