Page 11 | Breastfeeding is making me miserable

Houndsandbooks · 2023-01-26T10:53:07+00:00

I have been breastfeeding my daughter for 2 weeks and it is making me miserable. I hate the limiting nature of it. I am unable to go anywhere and only I am responsible for feeding. My partner is fantastic and will give her a bottle of expressed milk at night whilst I try to sleep but all other feeds, burps etc are taking on average over an hour. as for the promised oxytocin release, I haven’t felt any such thing. If anything my mental state takes a nose dive whenever she is at the breast. I have spoken to my midwife and she has recommended introducing a formula feed at night but I really want to abandon breastfeeding and solely formula feed. I am also desperate to enjoy this time but the thought of 6 months minimum of this is filling me with dread. any advice would be greatly appreciated

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Cuppasoupmonster · 26/01/2023 22:03

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/01/2023 21:52

@Confusedmamadotcom

“There's nothing wrong with actually nesting at home, cuddling and feeding your baby on the sofa. I actually got a new TV package before my first baby and happily blasted through box set after box set whilst feeding my baby.”

yeah but not every woman wants to sit on her arse watching telly for weeks on end after they’ve had a baby 🤷‍♀️

Or can, what if they have other kids to look after? Do they just sit on the sofa as well?

Emmamoo89 · 26/01/2023 22:06

niugboo · 26/01/2023 22:01

@AnotherAnother1 it says a lot about a person when they can only get a point across by being rude and dishing out personal insults.

in order.

combi feeding for 7 months is not the same as breastfeeding exclusively for 7 months. Pain is associated with poor latch. Issues with supply. Bottle preference. Tongue tie. All things that will be rectified after about 3/4 months of exclusive breast feeding. They will not be fixed if you introduce a bottle. Indeed many issues will be worsened or even caused by the introduction of a bottle.

I haven’t gone into big rambles anywhere. In fact I think this is my longest reply.

I think you need to reflect on why you’re taking this so personally. It’s weird.

Usually when people insult its because they take it so personally and haven't got anything better to do other than be a keyboard warrior 🤷‍♀️

Scottishskifun · 26/01/2023 22:11

@anotheranother1 it was 2 examples of studies the poster asked if there was health benefits the answer compared to formula is yes there is and there are many many studies available to go read at leisure.

Formula is completely fine to feed babies and it's mothers choice. I don't think women should be forced or guilty in breastfeeding its a personal choice.

But fact is formula cannot replicate the antibody levels that breastmilk creates and the protections that assists with. That's not me being a breastfeeding warrior that's simply stating a fact. Those benefits are for mother and baby.

Before covid vaccines came a long there was a research study into mothers who had covid and their breastmilk as it was found to be high in covid antibodies for example giving a greater level of protection. They were due to give this to elderly people as part of a trial in the Netherlands I think to try to boost their immune response. I don't know if it went ahead or not.

niugboo · 26/01/2023 22:18

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Cuppasoupmonster · 26/01/2023 22:20

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FrankieTheFrenchie · 26/01/2023 22:24

OP you've done amazing to keep going for this long! I was in the exact same position when I had my daughter in September - I only lasted a week breastfeeding and then i just could no longer handle the physical and mental tax of it. I switched to formula cold turkey and was totally fine but I don't think its particularly advised as others have mentioned it can increase the chance of engorgement and mastitis. I chose to make a hard switch because I really hit a wall and could not face breastfeeding or expressing even one more time and was beginning to dread my baby waking up, which is not a nice way to be feeling!
Just remember whatever you choose (combination/expressing/formula) you are doing the right thing for you and for your baby. One of my midwives said to me if you're feeling stressed your baby will be stressed - happy mum = happy baby so do what you need to do and don't feel guilty about it.

Cuppasoupmonster · 26/01/2023 22:31

I found my 8 months of breastfeeding to be quite hard work, and never really ‘enjoyed’ it. I ploughed on because I had been told of these amazing health benefits, but DD was sick constantly for 2 years after starting nursery. So 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think some people put so much work and effort into breastfeeding that it must be vexing and disappointing when their kid ends up no noticeably healthier or brighter than their bottle fed peers.

Emmamoo89 · 26/01/2023 22:33

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Emmamoo89 · 26/01/2023 22:34

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Yes I agree. Bless them

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/01/2023 22:34

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@niugboo

nah just a lot of women who don’t want to martyr themselves and suffer unnecessarily

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 26/01/2023 22:38

Confusedmamadotcom · 26/01/2023 21:23

@Hoppinggreen I said motherhood is hard work, OP will still be a mother and the default parent who is mainly responsible for keeping this child alive. Yes breastfeeding can be hard work in the beginning, I have always found it enjoyable though. Yes it's time consuming at the start, but having a newborn is supposed to be time consuming. I think overall in the UK the general attitude is that baby should be on formula straight away so the mum can go down to the pub or go on girls' night out or wherever. There's nothing wrong with actually nesting at home, cuddling and feeding your baby on the sofa. I actually got a new TV package before my first baby and happily blasted through box set after box set whilst feeding my baby. Breastfeeding hasn't stopped me from doing anything, baby's food is always available straight away so we can actually go anywhere almost anytime.

Going on nights out had nothing to do with why I FF my baby, I had very different reasons. Also, can’t think of much worse than watching ‘box set after box set’, to me it sounds like a horrible way to spend time. I’d have hated it.

Parker231 · 26/01/2023 23:19

Confusedmamadotcom · 26/01/2023 21:09

Trying not to get roasted here, but in all honesty motherhood is just had work and at times overwhelming, especially at the start.

Of course if you're desperate to stop then that's absolutely your choice, but babies do tie you down regardless of how they're fed. Bottle feeding doesn't remove the fact that your baby needs and wants you, specially you because you're the only thing she knows. A tiny newborn wants to be with his/her mum pretty much 24/7 because that's how they feel safe and loved. It's hard work but also incredibly rewarding. With formula other people can do feeds but in reality you'll still be doing the vast majority of feeds and other baby care by yourself. Please look into 4th trimester.

You've done an amazing job breastfeeding for two weeks, if you can manage physically manage maybe try to identify what bothers you about it. Is it the responsibility, being unsure about baby's growth, being tied to baby all the time? A child under two doesn't actually fully understand that they are a separate person, babies and children literally believe that he/she and the mother are one and the same. Some new mums might find this difficult, for me it's given me such a purpose and a boost to my self esteem. I'm doing something that literally no one else in the world can do for my baby.

A new born doesn’t need to be with mum 24/7. DT’s had their bottles from me, DH, grandparents (they loved giving bottles even when they had to take a long haul flight to get here), my DSis and friends. All provided love and care.
A child under does understand they are a separate person - DT’s were full time at nursery when they were six months as I went back to work.

Teafor1please · 26/01/2023 23:38

Toseland · 26/01/2023 20:47

Of course she wants to stop it's week 2, by week 10 she'll be laughing at you all pissing about in the middle of the night with your expensive formula!

Do we have to be dick heads to each other ...?

Scottishskifun · 27/01/2023 04:10

Cuppasoupmonster · 26/01/2023 22:31

I found my 8 months of breastfeeding to be quite hard work, and never really ‘enjoyed’ it. I ploughed on because I had been told of these amazing health benefits, but DD was sick constantly for 2 years after starting nursery. So 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think some people put so much work and effort into breastfeeding that it must be vexing and disappointing when their kid ends up no noticeably healthier or brighter than their bottle fed peers.

It's normal for children at nursery to get ill especially in the beginning it builds up their immune system.
The health benefits are short term ie antibody release from exposure to something helping reduce time and severity if still feeding but also long term reducing risk level of serious illness.

Milkbanks exist for neonatal units as its been found babies are much less likely to suffer from gut infections including NEC which can be deadly if they have bm rather than ff.

I persisted with bm/ bf my first because he was in a neonatal unit and it's what gave better odds. Then it became easier and I could get out the house with little prep.
My second has been more straightforward I fed in a sling on the go a lot and it's free I've spent about £10 on some tops from vinted.

Different people have different reasons for choosing (some it's not a choice) be it bf or ff. For me the most important thing is to offer support to all mothers and information.
For me bf has worked and saved a lot of time and money.

CallieG · 27/01/2023 05:46

It takes 6-8 weeks to establish a good breastfeeding routine.

one of the main causes of discomfort & difficulty is that there isn’t enough of your breast in babies mouth so instead of mouthing the ducts bub chews on your nipple, this can lead to cracked , even bleeding nipples, pain, tension, fear & anxiety.

Make sure you are seated comfortably, when baby latches on use your finger & gently push more of your areola into bulbs mouth until the entire areola is in their mouth, you will feel the difference immediately .

Find a lactation consultant if you need further help.

but please if you find after 4-6 weeks that you’re getting nowhere, that you’re stressed, anxious & too upset, change to formula, a happy healthy baby And mother are the most important thing.

see a Dr if you think you may be developing Post Partum Depression.
don’t struggle on alone there is help there if you need it.

Confusedmamadotcom · 27/01/2023 06:28

@Cuppasoupmonster but I do have other children 🤣, as did my sister, my mum, gran, aunties etc. You actually have one hand free when baby is latched so you can read to your elder children or ask them to play next to you. Sometimes you stick Peppa Pig on for 20 min whilst you feed. I've also fed outside in the garden in the summer whilst watching eldest play with a bike etc.

So you think it's impossible to breastfeed if you have more than one child? How do mothers achieve anything meaningful with multiple children?

sammielouise · 27/01/2023 06:33

Houndsandbooks · 26/01/2023 11:16

Can anyone recommend how to introduce formula? How many a day? Is there more risk of colic? If so, how do I prevent it?

I've been on both sides of this. Fed my eldest until nearly 3 but stopped after 5 weeks with my youngest. The guilt is real! But honestly just stop if you want to. The actual benefits past first few weeks are small and baby needs you being well! We just introduced one formula feed at a time and baby loves it! We used hipp organic but I'm sure most are similar
BUT.. regarding feeling restricted with breastfeeding - bottles is MUCH more faff! Hate cleaning, sterilising etc!

Also like other PP have said, I found the first 4/5 weeks the worst then it gets easier. I had to stop with my young nest as she was still losing weight but I do with I'd have tried just for another couple of weeks to re if she got it! I remember being so lose to giving up with my first, then I actually really enjoyed it!

AnotherAnother1 · 27/01/2023 06:35

@niugboo Pain is associated with poor latch. Issues with supply. Bottle preference. Tongue tie. All things that will be rectified after about 3/4 months of exclusive breast feeding. They will not be fixed if you introduce a bottle. Indeed many issues will be worsened or even caused by the introduction of a bottle

wow you are such a fountain of knowledge. I must pass this information onto the x3 fully qualified lactation consultants who assessed my breastfeeding. Would you believe they concluded after 3 months of exclusive feeding that there was no poor latch, issues with supply, bottle preference or tongue tie to rectify and that the issue was sensitivity (as another poster on this thread also found) and that introducing a bottle which gave more of a break between feeds did actually fix the problem and allow me to continue breastfeeding. But I’m sure you know better than professionals hence why you’re imparting your uninformed ‘advice’ on this thread 🙄

also I am not taking this personally. I very simply replied to your comment saying it’s not easier and less hassle for everyone and you proceeding to tag me in comments rambling on about how breastfeeding isn’t breastfeeding if a baby gets formula, it’s laughable I think I can talk about breastfeeding (how nice) etc. this will be my last post to you and I sincerely hope op and anyone else who comes across this thread has the good sense to ignore all the rubbish you’ve spouted. I see some comments have been deleted too while I wasn’t online so clearly you’ve gotten nasty too 🙄

AnotherAnother1 · 27/01/2023 06:44

Scottishskifun · 26/01/2023 22:11

@anotheranother1 it was 2 examples of studies the poster asked if there was health benefits the answer compared to formula is yes there is and there are many many studies available to go read at leisure.

Formula is completely fine to feed babies and it's mothers choice. I don't think women should be forced or guilty in breastfeeding its a personal choice.

But fact is formula cannot replicate the antibody levels that breastmilk creates and the protections that assists with. That's not me being a breastfeeding warrior that's simply stating a fact. Those benefits are for mother and baby.

Before covid vaccines came a long there was a research study into mothers who had covid and their breastmilk as it was found to be high in covid antibodies for example giving a greater level of protection. They were due to give this to elderly people as part of a trial in the Netherlands I think to try to boost their immune response. I don't know if it went ahead or not.

Formula cannot replicate breastmilk it’s true but the studies info the benefits of breastmilk of which I have read many are very flawed and inconclusive yet are used as fact by NHS - for example using illness in breastfed babies compared to babies having formula where no clean water is available or studies that do not account for differences income which is a huge determinant of health. It is my job to peer review research and you took a convenient snapshot from a meta analysis. As I showed in my post the conclusion you gave does not even apply to any breastfeeding mother in the U.K. as results were only found for Asia. Yet you still felt it was ok to post on a thread by a U.K. mother wanting give up breastfeeding that her child was more likely to get Leukemia. Was that a useful contribution?

niugboo · 27/01/2023 07:12

@LuckySantangelo35 sure. You keep telling yourself that.

niugboo · 27/01/2023 07:14

@AnotherAnother1 lets be clear. YOU tagged me. YOU replied to me. YOU keep rambling nonsense.

I would have thought it quite clear that I limit my responses and for the most ignore most of what you say is because I really am not interested in you.

GrapesAreMyJam · 27/01/2023 08:03

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Scottishskifun · 27/01/2023 08:16

AnotherAnother1 · 27/01/2023 06:44

Formula cannot replicate breastmilk it’s true but the studies info the benefits of breastmilk of which I have read many are very flawed and inconclusive yet are used as fact by NHS - for example using illness in breastfed babies compared to babies having formula where no clean water is available or studies that do not account for differences income which is a huge determinant of health. It is my job to peer review research and you took a convenient snapshot from a meta analysis. As I showed in my post the conclusion you gave does not even apply to any breastfeeding mother in the U.K. as results were only found for Asia. Yet you still felt it was ok to post on a thread by a U.K. mother wanting give up breastfeeding that her child was more likely to get Leukemia. Was that a useful contribution?

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Go read back my posts I have said nothing of the such to the OP!
My response to the OP was it's her choice, the 2 week mark is a tough one if she's going to give up then get correct support in doing so to reduce liklihood of mastitis!!!! For someone who reviews research papers tou might want to be careful on incorrect paraphrasing!

The response about health benefits was in response to a different poster.

Not sure how you can conclude doesn't apply to any bf mother in the UK unless you have also conducted research yourself??!!!
No thought not....

Cuppasoupmonster · 27/01/2023 08:21

Confusedmamadotcom · 27/01/2023 06:28

@Cuppasoupmonster but I do have other children 🤣, as did my sister, my mum, gran, aunties etc. You actually have one hand free when baby is latched so you can read to your elder children or ask them to play next to you. Sometimes you stick Peppa Pig on for 20 min whilst you feed. I've also fed outside in the garden in the summer whilst watching eldest play with a bike etc.

So you think it's impossible to breastfeed if you have more than one child? How do mothers achieve anything meaningful with multiple children?

I didn’t say it was impossible I said it was impossible to sit on the sofa for 6 weeks when you have small children. No matter how many episodes of peppa pig I put on my 3 year old would go nuts sat in front of the TV for weeks on end.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/01/2023 08:28

niugboo · 27/01/2023 07:12

@LuckySantangelo35 sure. You keep telling yourself that.

@niugboo

cheers
👍
I will do
I ain’t no Martyr

Breastfeeding is making me miserable

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