Breastfeeding is making me miserable

[Houndsandbooks]

I have been breastfeeding my daughter for 2 weeks and it is making me miserable. I hate the limiting nature of it. I am unable to go anywhere and only I am responsible for feeding. My partner is fantastic and will give her a bottle of expressed milk at night whilst I try to sleep but all other feeds, burps etc are taking on average over an hour.
as for the promised oxytocin release, I haven’t felt any such thing. If anything my mental state takes a nose dive whenever she is at the breast.
I have spoken to my midwife and she has recommended introducing a formula feed at night but I really want to abandon breastfeeding and solely formula feed. I am also desperate to enjoy this time but the thought of 6 months minimum of this is filling me with dread.
any advice would be greatly appreciated

No I don't need to be drinking to say what I think. Everyone is allowed an opinion and say what they want on here. I will not get talked to like shit by petty women on the Internet.

@Emmamoo89

doesn’t sound remotely relaxing to me!

I will not get talked to like shit by petty women on the Internet.

I thought you said everyone is allowed an opinion?

Trying not to get roasted here, but in all honesty motherhood is just had work and at times overwhelming, especially at the start.

Of course if you're desperate to stop then that's absolutely your choice, but babies do tie you down regardless of how they're fed. Bottle feeding doesn't remove the fact that your baby needs and wants you, specially you because you're the only thing she knows. A tiny newborn wants to be with his/her mum pretty much 24/7 because that's how they feel safe and loved. It's hard work but also incredibly rewarding. With formula other people can do feeds but in reality you'll still be doing the vast majority of feeds and other baby care by yourself. Please look into 4th trimester.

You've done an amazing job breastfeeding for two weeks, if you can manage physically manage maybe try to identify what bothers you about it. Is it the responsibility, being unsure about baby's growth, being tied to baby all the time? A child under two doesn't actually fully understand that they are a separate person, babies and children literally believe that he/she and the mother are one and the same. Some new mums might find this difficult, for me it's given me such a purpose and a boost to my self esteem. I'm doing something that literally no one else in the world can do for my baby.

I think my teenagers would be very confused as to why I was pissing about in the middle of the night with my expensive formula

Well given that it’s such hard work then why not do something you feel will make life easier?

please tell me you are purposely being dense and this isn’t how you function everyday @niugboo as that is honestly worrying. Starting to think the reason you think combi feeding doesn’t involve breastfeeding is as you were trying to shove a nipple and a bottle in your poor babies mouth at the same time.

let me break it down for you in a way that you might understand.

• you said and I quote “longer term breastfeeding is easier and less hassle”
• I said that isn’t everyone’s experience as I have been breastfeeding (yes latching on a baby and feeding them breastmilk as per the definition of breastfeeding) for 7 months and it is still very painful and it is disingenuous of you to tell op it will be easier.
• I refer you to previous reference of pain as to why I combi feed
• you then went off on a big ramble of incomprehensible nonsense that somehow seems to say combi feeding which by definition is breastfeeding and formula feeding doesn’t involve breastfeeding and if you breast feed your baby it doesn’t count as a breastfeed if the baby separately hours later has a bottle 🙄🙄🙄

(apologies for using the big words disingenuous and incomprehensible but if you google them you will get a definition to help you understand)

Op, if you want to swap to formula, do it. Your baby has had the colostrum which is the best bit. You've done amazing, don't martyr yourself. I breastfed my son for 2 years, but everyone is different. You need to do what it right for you 🙂

@Hoppinggreen I said motherhood is hard work, OP will still be a mother and the default parent who is mainly responsible for keeping this child alive. Yes breastfeeding can be hard work in the beginning, I have always found it enjoyable though. Yes it's time consuming at the start, but having a newborn is supposed to be time consuming. I think overall in the UK the general attitude is that baby should be on formula straight away so the mum can go down to the pub or go on girls' night out or wherever. There's nothing wrong with actually nesting at home, cuddling and feeding your baby on the sofa. I actually got a new TV package before my first baby and happily blasted through box set after box set whilst feeding my baby. Breastfeeding hasn't stopped me from doing anything, baby's food is always available straight away so we can actually go anywhere almost anytime.

I think overall in the UK the general attitude is that baby should be on formula straight away so the mum can go down to the pub or go on girls' night out or wherever.

Vegas here you come OP 😆

I can do what I want also, doesn't keep you in one place. I breastfeed happily in public. Its so much easier. But I love to get comfy on the sofa feeding my son to sleep and watching stuff on Netflix.

Lots of detail about you and your experience there.
Not sure how it helps OP though.
Your suggestion is that women choose to FF so they can go to the pub, that’s a really shitty thing to say on a thread started by a woman struggling with the unnecessary guilt of finding BF hard. You should be ashamed of that.

@Hoppinggreen on your note though l, why do anything hard if you can just do what's easy?

For most mothers that breastfeed they find that it get much easier and less time consuming after the first few weeks. I'm now breastfeeding a 10 month old, he usually sleeps 7pm-7am and wakes up once or twice. I feed him and I'm back to bed within 15 min easily, I don't even need to turn the lights on. When both babies were younger I co-slept and didn't even need to get out of bed.

Just saying that long term breastfeeding doesn't have to be the horror story it's often made out to be.

It depends which illness your looking at honestly there are lots and lots of studies and examination of studies available. It's fairly significant.
I don't care how women feed their babies but there is a lot of scientific data to back up the health benefits out there.

A small snapshot for instance

2021 systematic review and meta-analysis breastfeeding had an association with a 23 percent lower risk of childhood leukemia versus no breastfeeding or occasional breastfeeding
2015 study was 14-20% of childhood leukaemia cases could have been avoided if breastfed 6 months or longer.

My son is back to sleeping through but when he was waking up the once fed him and went straight back to sleep. My partner went and got it I fed him and he went and tucked him back in bed. There's no faff.

Because if you can make something easier and still get the same results then why wouldn’t you?
Women who FF can have babies as healthy, happy and well bonded as those who BF so if you choose that option there’s no need to feel any guilt at all
We are Mothers not Martyrs

Listen to mother-superior here. It’s a shame
really when you see the supportive messages on here from other breast-feeding mums. This one is the type that think she loves her baby more than someone’s who formula feeds, when in reality she has no idea WHY any mum gives her child formula. Incidentally formula feeding didn’t stop me doing anything with my baby either - I went anywhere almost anytime.

@Confusedmamadotcom

”I think overall in the UK the general attitude is that baby should be on formula straight away so the mum can go down to the pub or go on girls' night out or wherever.”

and what’s wrong with that ? Like really?

@Scottishskifun it’s far from clear cut - from that study

Protective effect of breastfeeding on the risk of childhood leukemia cancer was found in population from Asia (OR, 0.43; 95% CI, 0.19–0.98), but not Europe and North American or Oceania

Moreover, there were no significant associations of breastfeeding with both Hodgkin’s lymphoma and non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma

No significant association between breastfeeding and risk of childhood brain tumors was found

parental socioeconomic status (SES) - higher SES among controls may overestimate the protective effect of breastfeeding on the risk of childhood cancer

we cannot exclude the possibility of residual confounding

Case-control study is the main study design that all included studies of the meta-analysis …..case-control studies are susceptible to recall bias and selection bias

we were unable to assess differences by age or sex

we cannot evaluate the association between breastfeeding pattern and the risk of childhood cancer

@Confusedmamadotcom

“There's nothing wrong with actually nesting at home, cuddling and feeding your baby on the sofa. I actually got a new TV package before my first baby and happily blasted through box set after box set whilst feeding my baby.”

yeah but not every woman wants to sit on her arse watching telly for weeks on end after they’ve had a baby 🤷‍♀️

i mean if you WANT to do that - fine, but no woman HAS to
because we live in the modern age wherein there are alternative means of feeding a baby
yay!

You are an awesome friend! Those things aren’t cheap (but so worth it).

Yeah but they don't do that for weeks on end

Please stop gradually. Mastitis can be so miserable. It's fine if breastfeeding isn't for you. I literally don't know anybody that breastfeeds the whole first two years so everybody stops at some point, even the breast is best brigade.

Actually I'm the longest breastfeeder in my friendship group (20 months) and most of that time was combi feeding because solely relying on breastfeeding did my head in quite quickly! Breastfeeding is a journey, for some it's long and for others it's short.

@AnotherAnother1 it says a lot about a person when they can only get a point across by being rude and dishing out personal insults.

in order.

combi feeding for 7 months is not the same as breastfeeding exclusively for 7 months. Pain is associated with poor latch. Issues with supply. Bottle preference. Tongue tie. All things that will be rectified after about 3/4 months of exclusive breast feeding. They will not be fixed if you introduce a bottle. Indeed many issues will be worsened or even caused by the introduction of a bottle.

I haven’t gone into big rambles anywhere. In fact I think this is my longest reply.

I think you need to reflect on why you’re taking this so personally. It’s weird.