Breastfeeding is making me miserable

[Houndsandbooks]

I have been breastfeeding my daughter for 2 weeks and it is making me miserable. I hate the limiting nature of it. I am unable to go anywhere and only I am responsible for feeding. My partner is fantastic and will give her a bottle of expressed milk at night whilst I try to sleep but all other feeds, burps etc are taking on average over an hour.
as for the promised oxytocin release, I haven’t felt any such thing. If anything my mental state takes a nose dive whenever she is at the breast.
I have spoken to my midwife and she has recommended introducing a formula feed at night but I really want to abandon breastfeeding and solely formula feed. I am also desperate to enjoy this time but the thought of 6 months minimum of this is filling me with dread.
any advice would be greatly appreciated

@Cuppasoupmonster and I never said you need to sit on the sofa indefinitely, probably in the immediate postpartum period but breastfeeding can become pretty easy and manageable quite quickly once baby has stopped cluster feeding.

In the first 6 weeks of my youngest one's life we all went for lots of walks, went out for coffees or lunch, did a daytrip to Seaworld in a major city, played outside loads and started going to toddler clubs. Yes I did spend time cuddling baby on the sofa whilst DH was keeping our toddler busy, but once he went back to work it was all on me.

FYI I had a massive haemorrhage during my emcs so I very much needed those first few weeks to recover physically.

OP said she felt that breastfeeding was tying her down too much, it doesn't have to be that way and others may see it as an unique bonding experience.

I bf my eldest until 2.5, some of it enjoyable much of it not

Practicalities that suited me
-i hate housework and bottles sterilising etc so whipping out a boob and not needing to keep track of a schedule longer term works for me
-my eldest had febrile seizures and would frequently not eat or drink when ill except bf and my youngest is on track for asthma diagnosis and when her chest is bad is the same, I like having a foolproof calorie and fluid option they always accept

What I would have preferred to be different
-help with night feeds
-babies not being so upset when I'm not there as can still get the milk they associate with comfort
-cold and flu medications when I'm sick not being a worry.
-being more hydrated without drinking 4litlres of water a day

For me this added up to continuing to feed being better for me and them.

Mental health being negatively effected would have been an instant stop from me. My children need me mentally capable more than they need breastmilk.
Please don't take guilt from your decision, this stage passes so quickly and I promis eventually you'll not think back often to what you fed them when they only had milk, you'll feel newly guilty because they'll eat nothing but turkey dinosaurs or learn to swear.
Best of luck

@LuckySantangelo35 welcome to the world of booby trapping.

@niugboo

its a world you don’t have to enter though

women have a choice

yay!

@LuckySantangelo35 exactly. And calling women who choose to continue martyrs is gross.

@niugboo

its only martyr-ish if you hate it and yet still continue
I find it sad women treat themselves like that

@LuckySantangelo35 the problem is women who stop rarely do so because of a decision that’s not from a place of bias and failure. Misinformation. Pressure. Etc.

I made a positive decision to use formula from day one - no failure or guilt - does a positive feeding experience. Someone who has started bf and decides to swop to formula, this isn’t a failure but their own decision - like the OP

@niugboo

i disagree

I think a lot of the time it’s because they find it painful. Or they find it restricting. Or they want to share night feeds. Or they want their body back.

none of that it bias or misinformation or pressure.

it’s stopping because it’s not a good experience for them. Which is absolutely fine. So much of parenting is hard especially as a woman so why make it harder for yourself?

Bit patronising
Women are capable of deciding things you know, sometimes we even gather lots of information and make an informed decision

@LuckySantangelo35 and I disagree. Nearly always feeding issues are because of things that can be fixed quick. And rather than accessing that support you have people saying “oh quit, make life easier for yourself”. Normally women who wanted and failed to breast feed.

@niugboo

so are you genuinely trying to say that it’s not the case that some women because they find it painful. Or they find it restricting. Or they want to share night feeds. Or they want their body back.or because they just don’t want to anymore?

If you hate it, stop.
Alternatively, you could use a pump. Then you can get out more.

@LuckySantangelo35 I'm saying it’s very rare that women get the right support or advice.

I used a pump some of the time. It worked really well. I actually found it got much easier as the weeks wore on. I ended up doing it for 2.5 years (I know most would say that's excessive).

You are going to need to stop breastfeeding slowly. You can't go cold turkey or you'll get mastitis and you don't want that because that can be life threatening

@Emmamoo89

sounds a good plan
stop as gradually as needed for her health
and then - done! 😊

Try having a glass of wine with the evening feed. It will make you feel human again - best but if breastfeeding advice I had. It’s definitely worth it for the freedom it gives after the initial few weeks, better sleep for both of you longer term etc.

But don’t feel bad if you choose to stop.

Am surprised at posters still suggesting that OP should continue to bf even though she dreads feeds and it is making her miserable.

@Parker231 There are women who push breastfeeding so much that it does not matter how much it negatively affects them. The push is always to keep breastfeeding no matter what. Bleeding nipples, awful D-Mer, hours spend breastfeeding, terrible pain, exhaustion, failure to thrive for the baby - none of it matters, keep on breastfeeding. It is bloody inhumane.

I’ve just had my 2nd baby, and I wanted to try to get the hang of breastfeeding, but I didn’t want to put the pressure on myself that I did when I had my 1st. My 1st was a COVID baby, and I had been so adamant I was going to breastfeed beforehand. Unfortunately, trying to figure things out alone and being so scared that we weren’t getting it right, that she wasn’t feeding enough, etc, I found myself struggling with PP anxiety. We combi fed with formula. It was hard, but after 2 weeks, baby decided to refuse the boob altogether, and we went onto just formula. I caught the let down with a haakaa while my supply was going away, so she got about 3 weeks of breast milk all in all.
This time around, I decided to just see how we got on. I had none of the stress or pressure about breast vs formula feeding that I’d had before my 1st, as she did so well on it, but as this is my last baby, I thought I’d give breastfeeding a go again. I spoke to the community midwives, HV and lactation team, and though we got an okay latch on one side, it was quite hit and miss on the other. We combi fed again, and I decided to just give her at least the two weeks of breastfeeding that her sister got.
Baby is now a month old, and is fully formula fed. I’m happy that I was able to give my babies the start I felt I was able to, and I strongly feel that FED is best, with no shame or negativity about how that feeding is given.
I basically went cold turkey when ending both breastfeeding journeys, and it was okay for me. I just used loads of breast pads and didn’t touch the boobs at all until they stopped leaking profusely. We’re nearly 3 weeks out from ending breastfeeding, and though I’ve had a lot of soreness on and off over the last few weeks, I’m at the end of it now I think. I would say to get advice about ending your journey, if you decide that’s the way you’re going to go.
At the end of the day, your mental health is and should be a priority, and if you’re really struggling with the mental load that comes with breastfeeding, you absolutely do not need to continue. You deserve to enjoy your time with your baby, not have your days filled with resentment and dread. You’ve done well with what you’ve been able to do, and your baby will be happy to be formula fed by a mum who is happy and healthy too. 💐

It's about how healthy or otherwise Your child would have been. Bf doesn't prevent ever getting I'll, it's a good way to top up antibodies nd keep hydrated if unwell. It's not as if if you bf your child won't gets colds that's ridiculous.

That said if you don't want to do it don't, absolutely, but don't measure it by this, you only see the problems that you don't prevent, who knows how your child would have been if FF.

I always chill with couple glasses of wine. Don't need to pump and dump.

I felt like this in the beginning and really wanted to give up. I hated it but was so tired and emotional and got really guilted into keeping on going. I still hate it at 1 year and I really resent my husband. My DD loves it and I'm not sure how I'm going to stop. My first self weaned at 11 months and took formula in a cup. Both babies were bottle refusers

Why have you carried on when you hate it? Really sad.