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Original poster

My child is one of the unpopular kids

167 replies

workiskillingme · 20/01/2023 15:34

As much as it pains me to admit it my 7 year old boy is not popular amongst his peers and he's starting to notice and it's breaking my heart
He has been invited to a couple of parties since they started school three years ago and is never asked for a play date. The teacher has never reported any issues of him being mean to other children , he doesn't smell he's clean and he's a happy chap generally
I just don't understand why nobody wants to be his friend and it's very upsetting

OP posts:
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Original poster
workiskillingme · 20/01/2023 21:18

ModeWeasel · 20/01/2023 20:47

He is working at a higher level than a lot of his peers

OP posts:
Thesonglastslonger · 20/01/2023 21:23

Do you have much in common with the other mums? Same taste in tv/books/theatre, similar background, similar jobs, similar drinking habits? Have you clicked with the mums? If not, perhaps your son just doesn’t fit in either?

I tried so hard to help DS fit in. In the end what was needed was for me to recognise that our family had a very different type of background to the other families who happened to be there, and although this didn’t bother me and I was relentlessly friendly, I couldn’t force the rest of the class not to notice that we were just a bit different to them.

So we changed schools to somewhere where the families are more similar to ours and he has lots of friends now.

Don’t know if that’s relevant to you. God luck!

WandaWonder · 20/01/2023 21:24

At that age my child took some pokemon cards and some other small toys and the in thing to school, I don't normally think toys should be at school but this have a reason to play with others and that helped

Not saying it would work for all children

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Families General parenting
Tinner01 · 20/01/2023 21:39

HollTrunt · 20/01/2023 16:38

and unfortunately many on MN are unpopular themselves

😳 I sort of both laughed and gasped at the same time at that.

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Same 🙈🙉🙊

HollTrunt · 20/01/2023 22:09

workiskillingme · 20/01/2023 21:17

Don't feed the troll cheese toasties everyone

A cheese toastie goes well with a cuppasoup for lunch. 😉

Cuppasoupmonster · 20/01/2023 22:17

HollTrunt · 20/01/2023 22:09

A cheese toastie goes well with a cuppasoup for lunch. 😉

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Ah the old unprovable conspiracies on here, can’t beat them!

HauntedPencil · 20/01/2023 22:20

As you can see from this thread some people find it hard to be friendly way past seven

MEGA YIKES

Sorry it's gone so weird OP! Bloody hell.

RedKite99 · 20/01/2023 22:27

@Simonjt Just wanted to reply - at 7 my visually impaired son was experiencing the same at lunchtimes - not wanting or feeling able to join in the football so was left wandering around by himself. Not necessarily the answer - but changing schools to where it was ok to like learning and having sports teachers who would actively work to include him has made a huge difference. He has found his tribe of children and has a good solid friendship group and now rates games as his favourite lesson - A huge difference to 3 years ago. Again he was in a very small village school and perhaps it was too small for him.

Moonriver79 · 20/01/2023 22:34

Perfectpeace · 20/01/2023 20:50

They definitely are. Both very unpleasant with same style of posting, answering each other’s posts. I wouldn’t want a friend like them.

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Yes I absolutely agree - how completely sad and pathetic

Moonriver79 · 20/01/2023 22:38

Cheesetoastiesz · 20/01/2023 20:56

If the op can’t form friendships then kindly, she isn’t best placed to help her child.

As PP said her son could have additional needs, and with a likely genetic element there might be some issues there for OP too.

Facts are her son is struggling socially, the OP doesn’t seem able or willing to help resolve this in any meaningful way.

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Are you ok??? Seriously you should be very concerned about yourself. Of course she is best placed to help her child! What on earth are you going on about? Are you getting a buzz out of being horrible to other people? I really don’t think you are ‘best placed’ to make comments on other peoples children

Moonriver79 · 20/01/2023 22:40

Perfectpeace · 20/01/2023 20:59

WTF!! The OP has already said she has friends so where on earth are you getting the idea that she struggles socially so must also be ND.

You are a twisted person, coming onto a thread started by a concerned mother and insulting both her and her child. Get back under your bridge.

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My thoughts exactly - so twisted!

Original poster
workiskillingme · 20/01/2023 22:40

Thesonglastslonger · 20/01/2023 21:23

Do you have much in common with the other mums? Same taste in tv/books/theatre, similar background, similar jobs, similar drinking habits? Have you clicked with the mums? If not, perhaps your son just doesn’t fit in either?

I tried so hard to help DS fit in. In the end what was needed was for me to recognise that our family had a very different type of background to the other families who happened to be there, and although this didn’t bother me and I was relentlessly friendly, I couldn’t force the rest of the class not to notice that we were just a bit different to them.

So we changed schools to somewhere where the families are more similar to ours and he has lots of friends now.

Don’t know if that’s relevant to you. God luck!

I don't know I don't really get involved I will talk on the playground chitter chatter to most of them but don't really get involved on a deep level

OP posts:
Original poster
workiskillingme · 20/01/2023 22:41

Does anyone remember when walkers did toasted cheese crisps? They were bloody beautiful

OP posts:
Moonriver79 · 20/01/2023 22:41

Olive19741205 · 20/01/2023 21:13

@Cheesetoastiesz

If the op can’t form friendships then kindly, she isn’t best placed to help her child.

Stop making things up. You're literally lying. 😂

Unfortunately Mumsnet is full of these type of people - what sad, pathetic lives they must lead

Moonriver79 · 20/01/2023 22:43

workiskillingme · 20/01/2023 21:17

Don't feed the troll cheese toasties everyone

🤣🤣

Moonriver79 · 20/01/2023 22:44

HollTrunt · 20/01/2023 22:09

A cheese toastie goes well with a cuppasoup for lunch. 😉

Show quote history

🤣🤣

EntreMummy · 20/01/2023 22:52

At that age friendships between the children is dependent on the friendships between the mums.

if you want your DS to get social invites, you need to make an effort to befriend the mums at the school gates.

cariadghost · 20/01/2023 22:59

I honestly don't think play dates are a measure of popularity, there are many reasons why parents don't want to organise them at this age, does he have have people to play with at lunchtime?

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 20/01/2023 23:06

When you make the first move, are you specific? "Little Johnny must come to tea one day" often doesn't happen. "Jane would like Johnny to visit next week after school - would Monday or Friday work better?" works better.

Twilightstarbright · 21/01/2023 07:38

@workiskillingme I feel for you, all we want is for our kids to be happy.

I think school could easily do an assembly on friendships and including others. Is there anyone in particular he likes in his class? Do they mix the classes up each year?

lollipoprainbow · 21/01/2023 10:30

@Cheesetoastiesz so glad you enjoy revelling in peoples misfortune.

Montague22 · 21/01/2023 10:38

WoolyMammoth55 · 20/01/2023 16:39

Hi OP, we were new to the area when DS started school so I was really proactive in inviting loads of class friends over for playdates.

Thick skin, big smile, didn't care if I got blanked or refused, no hard feelings, just asked the next person on the list...

We also do a sports club where there are non-school friends, who I also invite over to ours, and chat to people in playgrounds/out and about, and I'm quick to swap numbers and follow up with an invite.

Every couple of months I'll invite a group over, parents and kids, so halloween, xmas time/new years, feb half term, Easter egg painting and hunting, etc etc.

We have made good friends this way by casting a wide net and not sweating when it doesn't work out - not a lot of pressure on one 'special' friendship, etc.

If any of that sounds possible for you then that's a good way to go. I agree that you being friendly and warm, but also resilient when a friendship fizzles out, is all good modelling for your DS.

Really hope things improve for him, best wishes.

I think you’re me! I posted earlier but I do also host little gatherings at bonfire night, pancake day etc
I’m also shameless in asking to swap numbers

The other thing I do is, at the end of a play date, get a date in for the next one. Once you click with someone this is easy to do, and it means you keep the friendship momentum going before calendars fill up.

Jemandthehologramsunite · 21/01/2023 10:59

I'm sorry OP, I only have a small baby so no advice to offer; but it really breaks my heart to read this. I'm sure he will find some friends soon Flowers

forsummer · 21/01/2023 12:38

Does he talk about his friends within school or does he actually say he has none? I'm always surprised to read on here how many playdates people host /attend. Every week!
I struggled at first because my kids definitely had / have friends in school but there were no playdates forthcoming. I then realised and was told the following which made me understand it wasn't personal...

  1. I'm a sahm so have a lot of time on my hands to overthink things & also time to offer playdates
2.most of the outings are between the parents who are actually friends with each other,the kids less so. 3.most parents are knackered and don't want to be hosting other kids etc when they've been working 4.their kids may play out with neighbours kids so have no need for playdates
  1. That child may have siblings so again not so much need for a playdate and harder work
6.they want to spend time together as a family at weekends etc
Phewthatwasclose · 21/01/2023 15:16

Getinajollymood · 20/01/2023 20:27

Sometimes the consideration of additional needs on here is helpful.

Other times it really isn’t. That ^^ isn’t.

I don't know - PP was blunt, sure, but to be honest, autism was my first thought too (in every similar case I've come across, that turned out to be case in the end).