My child is one of the unpopular kids

[workiskillingme]

As much as it pains me to admit it my 7 year old boy is not popular amongst his peers and he's starting to notice and it's breaking my heart
He has been invited to a couple of parties since they started school three years ago and is never asked for a play date. The teacher has never reported any issues of him being mean to other children , he doesn't smell he's clean and he's a happy chap generally
I just don't understand why nobody wants to be his friend and it's very upsetting

Is your point that people shouldn’t seek friendships or social events because you didn’t, @Januarydayss ?

Why? If that’s true then the parent is effectively buying friends and the friends/mums are allowing themselves to be bought. Does it hit a nerve or something?

I agree with the outside school activities. My kids were in swimming clubs, one did beavers/cubs and the other went to a music group and did dance. They made lots of friends and although they’re much older now, they’re still friends with a lot of them. My son also has lots of friends from gaming over the years which have become real life friendships now he’s an adult. One of them he started gaming with at 10!

@Getinajollymood absolutely not!
I was just saying that it happened to my child. She did seek friendships an we had play dates we invited kids around etc. However she never was invited back, so we gave up.

At his next birthday could you do a fun party for max 6 other kids, that'd mean he'd get some quality fun time with them? And then make it easier to arrange follow up playdates and party invites?

Well, it’s not a comfortable insight, but Mn is overpopulated by people who say they are lonely, struggle with friendships etc — it wouldn’t be that surprising if what they’re modelling in terms of social behaviour (not just not having friends in the home, but seeing ‘cliques’ everywhere, regarding the school run as a dreadful ordeal, not answering the door, getting into their pyjamas by 6 in the evening etc) is rubbing off on their children, who aren’t seeing friendships modelled by their parents.

This is basically what I was trying to say but much better.

😂

OP it is hard if you are brought up with a mother like yours to learn friendship skills. If I was you I would encourage my child to do an organised out of school activity, read social stories about making friends - these are written for autistic children but might be useful for your child, and try and make new friends yourself who have children that you could all spend time together.

It wouldn’t surprise me if these ‘friendships’ were being peddled by the cliquey mothers. Wait until he is in secondary school and really starts to choose his own mates.

In Primary school friendships are often the result of parents inviting children for play dates and birthday parties etc. Often these parents know each other either before having kids or met through toddler groups or pre-school. Some families are very close knit and prefer their children to play at home with siblings and cousins.

It can be very difficult for an outsider to break into an existing friendship group at this age.

As others have suggested, get your DS involved in clubs and activities such as swimming to widen his friendship group and always be smiley and make small talk with other parents whilst you’re waiting to collect him. Maybe look out for those families who are new to the area and less likely to have established friendship groups?

Things do change at secondary school when the children start forming their own friendship groups, but at 7yrs old, you do have to be quite proactive in inviting other children round to play.

My DS and I were not really in the group in the early years of primary people tend to form groups and there was one around a sports team - in the latter years when they choose their own friends it's got way easier for him and when the children pick their own play dates etc

Is there no other children who aren't in a big group you could invite? Or maybe a big class party for his bday etc?

I think it's natural for parents to gravitate to asking their friends kids over it's just easier isn't it and the more a kid sees a friends kid the easier it is - or for eg if it's a sports team there's often a what's app for it and things get arranged in smaller groups. It all got better for us after yr 3 to 4 where the kids started developing proper friendships and my ds js mates with sporty kids where he isn't in the teams now etc.

Is he in beavers or cubs? My DS goes to a lot with cubs and it's given him a social life with trips out etc and Christmas party for it.

It'll get better.

I think at this age a lot of children’s friendships are reflections of parents’ social connections. Are you friendly with other mums? Either at school or groups/ clubs?

Hmmm I thought the same…..

Cuppasoups and toasties?? It's making me hungry here

Don’t come at them with facts, some don’t seem to like that on this thread unfortunately

My son is now 23, but he only started making real friends in the 6th form, and only a few then. It worried me.

He's now got a lot of friends but he just wasn't a child's child if you see what I mean, OP. I hope yours finds his feet eventually.

I have a lack of social skills?
Oh that's wonderful of you to assume on nothing at all!
I have many friendships and get on great with my work colleagues and socialise with them also. When I got this job I was told I was the top candidate due to my interpersonal skills.
But top projection there!

Who are you talking to here? Is this in reply to my comment?

@Cheesetoastiesz you've already said you disapprove of most of the people on here and only come here to deride others so please don't let anyone keep you !

@Ember90 no it's directed to the cheesy one

Have you casually asked him who his friends are? Who has he played with today? What does he say? Does he seem bothered or even notice that he is unpopular?

We’re going through this, also with a seven year old boy. My son is fairly shy, a big thing is that he is hearing impaired so in more than a 1:1 situation he finds it really hard to follow conversation etc, that coupled with him not liking

Playing football is starting to become an issue. Most of his friends were girls, but the class has really started splitting into girls v boys now they’re a bit older. In lesson/group work he is okay because most of the children in his class are nice, but I know at the moment he wanders around the playground on his own at playtime. He does have one friend who will sometimes skip football to play with him, but his parents won’t let him come round here to play, so its hard to help the friendship grow. He does have some children he’ll talk to at rugby and dance, but as they’re quite outgoing I think he feels a bit intimidated almost at times.